Chrysalis Mission

Going to God School

2009-10-29T12:24:00.005-05:00

Studies at the Missouri School of Religion

I apologize for being "away" from the blog duties for awhile. But I do want to write about my latest endeavor - pastoral studies, or as I usually call it "God School". I entered the program through the Missouri School of Religion Center for Rural Ministry last January and have been able to keep on track with the unique program for the entire year. This has been an amazing journey for me for sure, but also for my teachers and classmates that probably had never encountered a transgender woman before. And yes, I'm their "first" - I get a lot of "firsts" in my life.

The program is with the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) who, I would learn to overcome my ignorance, is in close harmony with the United Church of Christ. Indeed, one major common undertaking is a joint Global Ministries program. Earlier this decade there apparently was some talk about merging the two denominations.

One difference I have learned is that Disciples practice full immersion baptism (though DoC will accept any baptism performed earlier). Another is most Disciples congregations practice Communion every Sunday, while many UCC churches do so once per month. And the last difference - and what may have been the hurdle not cleared regarding merger - is full, formal affirmation of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Hmmmmmmmmm......

My first task then was to determine just how "welcome" I would be in the program. The classes are roughly one weekend per month, so we arrrive Friday evening, stay the night and have a full day of class time on Saturday. Some classes are Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Not only am I with my classmates in class, but we're together before and after, at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner. There isn't much chance to "hide" for sure.

Just prior to the first class, I talked with the director of the program who felt there wouldn't be a problem with my attending. She seemed quite pleased the school's first openly gay student had enrolled just five months earlier. I assured her my intent was to learn, not push boundaries or people's buttons - but that I wasn't going to "hide" either. If there were problems or concerns reported to her, I would be happy to leave the program.

The experience has been absolutely wonderful.

I'm on the verge of completing the first year's round of classes. There are 18 modules we must complete to obtain our Certificate of Pastoral Ministry. The program is crafted to help small, usually rural, congregations who cannot afford a fully ordained, Masters of Divinity minister to find pastoral leadership. Each module is offered only once in the three year cycle, but MSR has now developed a full load of on-line classes so that missing one for whatever reason won't cause someone to necessarily wait for another three years for the class to be offered again.

In fact, with the on-line program schedule for 2010, it will be possible for me to attend all the on-site classes and on-line classes and actually graduate in just two years. I'm going to give it a shot, even though I have thoroughly enjoyed, and been enriched by, the classes at the center.

As each class is taught by a different area minister, all with M.Div's and some with Ph.D's, I am exposed to many different thoughts, perspectives and experiences. In turn, I realize that my presence is bringing to them a unique color of God's rainbow.

One classmate, who lives north of Kansas City, is now my carpool buddy. It takes a little more than two and a half hours to get to school. Having a friend along for the drive is nice and we've had many theological, spiritual conversations. And others about more mundane things like Big 12 football, family members and cars.

Will I get called to serve a small, rural congregation here in the State of Missouri? Probably not, but can you imagine the statement that brave little congregation would be offering about God's love for ALL if they did so. For now, I'm quite content to simply learn and grow and share. I genuinely look forward to each time I am in class, with friends - no FRIENDS - who have through their welcome expressed their belief in the ministry of Jesus. Amen!!!

A Biblical Perspective

2009-08-11T08:33:00.004-05:00

Just What Does That Mean?

A recent article about faith leaders talking about health care quoted a local minister who felt it was important for pastors to help their congregations understand the issues surrounding health care reform "from a Biblical Perspective". And I've been scratching my head ever since to understand just what that means. Now, I'll also add that this particular minister isn't a firebrand, ultra conservative type - he's known as a fairly moderate voice in both faith and politics.

There is no need for me to decry the embarrassing - and organized - vitriol coming from those who are opposed to any reform proposal - and in my opinion NOT because they might be good or poor ideas, but that they would be President Obama's ideas. Sadly, many of these voices who are trying to dominate and dictate - not discuss or debate - are from faith. So what does "from a Biblical Perspective" mean regarding our broken health care system?

Scripture clearly calls for healing of all types. Some of the more well known miracles of Jesus were in healing medical ills. Further, by his example, healing was meant for and given to all without cost or qualification. So does "from a Biblical Perspective" mean creating a system by which ALL can have access to reasonable health care? I would hope so. And that is precisely where the American health care system falls apart. That and the unbridled cost. Premiums that rise 15, 20 even 33 percent (I'm on the board of an area non-profit...these are not made up figures!) are obscene. If one uses the story of Jesus overturning the tables of the money-changers that "facilitated" access to the Temple, then the argument is easily made that these outrageous costs are also unBiblical.

My concern, though, is that "from a Biblical Perspective" is also - and in fact already is - being used by the ultra-conservative voices of Christianity. They are already raising the "specter" of surgeries for transgender people (even personally attacking one noted transwoman), the "horror" of access to abortion and forced euthanasia. Where in Scripture is this found? It isn't, but that doesn't matter when you are trying to instill fear in people in order to drain money from their pocketbooks.

Care. Compassion. Inclusion. If those are part of "Biblical Perspective" then I may be in the wrong school studying the wrong things as I work toward a Certificate in Pastoral Ministry. Those are the very reasons why I am pursuing those studies. The voices of exclusion, condemnation, hateful judgment are what kept me away from the Church for more than four decades. No longer.

I am not an expert on our health care system, nor have any ideas to best resolve the issues of cost and access. I need to leave those ideas to others. But something, several somethings, need to be done. Hyperbolic scare tactics are not the way to achievement.

Almost.....

2009-08-05T19:34:00.004-05:00

APA shoots down "reparative" therapy

First - an apology for my rather lengthy absence, I'll try to be a bit more active on current things and I appreciate those that continue to stop by this blog.

Today, the American Psychological Association issued it's strongest opposition to date regarding "reparative therapies" for gays and lesbians - and with that likely us transpeople as well. The statement plainly states that therapists should not ascribe to this hurtful, harmful approach to helping an LGB/T member through the challenges of coping with the condemnations and conflicts posed by their faith. But the APA stops short of where it needs to go.

The statement suggests that therapists recommend celibacy to LGB/T people in faith conflicts, or suggesting switching to a different faith journey. I don't see how celibacy is a viable option - would the APA suggest celibacy to hetero people who might be in conflict with their religious teachings? Many Catholics do use birth control in conflict with church teachings for example. Surely the APA understands, and should support, the notion that a healthy, active sex life is important to the overall mental health of all of us. Yes, some are, indeed, celibate - no quibble with that. But to suggest "celibacy" is a viable option for those that do desire sexual relationships, to me is callow and probably trading one "misery" (faith conflict) for another "misery" (no sex life).

Pointing someone toward a different faith path is a bit more appealing, but, I think, minimizes the importance of one's existing faith journey. Yes, many faiths are not kind to LGB/T people in their approach to our identities and lives - but that is only one, and some might even argue, small facet to the overall faith experience. So, while better that offering up celibacy as an answer, this isn't as potentially satisfying either.

Interesting that I encountered someone today who overheard a conversation I was having with a couple of other people. "Vince" identified himself as gay - and conservative - and Catholic. And he spoke of the marginalization he felt from the LGB/T community for his political and religious beliefs. It would have been easy for me to say, "like duh!" aren't ALL LGB/T people "liberal"...and not in less than supportive churches? And that was his point - a point I understood and supported. A therapist is to tell "Vince" he needs to leave the Catholic church?

The final point here is that the APA stopped short of where it needed to go - outright condemnation of "reparative therapy" including loss of licensure for those that practice this incredibly archaic and unproductive approach to mental health. "Aversion therapies" such as those made famous in "A Clockwork Orange" have been well proven to be ineffective at best and excruciatingly harmful at worst. Many of the "techniques" used by those that practice reparative therapies - and under the cloak of "religion" hence beyond regulation or the law - are roundly condemned by the APA and others and can, in fact, result in loss of license.

Read the article in the hotlink above and you'll find that some of the reparative therapists are finding some wiggle room with this new proclamation. There should be none. Period.

N as in....

2009-05-07T07:30:00.002-05:00

...New Hampshire, Nevada and - No.

The recent passage of the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act in the House of Representatives by a fairly substantial 249 to 175 vote was very encouraging. While 17 Democrats voted against the bill (also known as the Matthew Shepard Act), 18 Republicans supported it mitigating the Democratic defections. The law is clearly needed - a similar version is now in the Senate as SB 909 - but it is being viewed as a test case for future LGB/T votes, especially the Employment Non-Discrimination Act in which us transpeople were evicted. A trans-inclusive ENDA is expected at some point, probably this fall.

Part of the abandonment of us transpeople was based on math - that started at 30, then grew to 48 Representatives who were nervous-kneed about supporting "gender identity" in the bill. Since the LGB's willingly and publicly cast the T's aside, we've seen some others who run for cover when the opposition characterizes legislation to give us fair treatment in employment and society as "pedophile protections" or "bathroom bills". While there has been some turnover from the 110th to the 111th Congress - notably gains in the number of Democrats - the basic math is likely fairly the same.

If the nervous-kneed total 30 - the possible vote becomes 219 to 200 and ENDA passes. 48, however, remains an insurmountable differential. So will ENDA become EDA (Employment Discrimination Act - allowing everyone, including gays and lesbians to officially discriminate against transgenders) - this fall? Will Barney Frank and the Human Rights Campaign again push for an "incremental" approach to equality and introduce EDA and not ENDA? Following the House vote on the hate crimes measure, I had hopes for an inclusive ENDA, now I'm not so sure.

The New Hampshire legislature took up the issue of an inclusive non-discrimination statute on the state level and quickly cowered into a puddle of goo when it got painted by the opposition - and the local LGB leaders were unable to counter the media's acceptance of the phrase - as the "bathroom bill". In the end, no one...not one legislator...voted to keep the transpeople included into the bill - the final vote was 0-24, even though some Democrats decried how the measure was portrayed, they still caved in.

The Nevada legislature won't even consider "gender identity" at all. Their measure is sailing through Carson City, but only for gays and lesbians - and this is the home state of the Senate President Harry Reid. If eventually enacted, I wonder just how long gays and lesbians will be allowed to discriminate against transpeople before the gays and lesbians decide to "come back" for the T's.

If these two states are willing to abandon transgenders so completely, they are clearly providing cover and political excuse for Congress to abandon transgenders for a promised E*DA bill (* - it won't include the N part). Will they...will the LGB community...stand for complete equality and inclusion? I'm not going to hold my breath.

Justice for Angie

2009-04-23T10:44:00.002-05:00

Thanks to the Defense!

The trial of the murderer of Angie Zapata has concluded with the best of all possible decisions: First Degree murder with a Hate Crime enhancement. And while it is heartening to see that the jury did not buy into the "trans panic" argument pursued by the defense team of Allen Ray Andrade...I'd like to thank them for trying!

Yes, like many other transgender women in America, I was quite nervous - even perhaps expectant - that the defense might succeed in some measure with their tactic. But what their effort did was to show to the world (thanks to TruTV's live coverage) just what this type of legal tactic entails and how we are often portrayed by others. At its very core, the defense team tried to kill Angie a second time as they never acknowledged who she was.

All throughout the trial they referred to Angie by her birth name of Justin. All throughout the trial they caller Her "him". It was very compelling watching the defense pose a question that said "Justin, He, Him" and then have Angie's incredibly loving sister respond time after time with "My sister.....". Yes, it was most painful to watch as the process unfolded. Each time the defense said the wrong name, my stomach tied into knots that felt could never be untied. But each time they did, they showed the world what Transphobia is all about - denying the dignity of a precious human life.

In criminal trials, it is a long standing tradition to blame the victim...indeed these lawyers tried to paint Mr. Andrade as the victim - the "victim" of some supposed deception. The victim is never to be blamed or diminished. History has shown that we frequently wrap ourselves up into our "righteousness" and work to demean, debase and demonize those with whom we do not like or disagree. And then we can destroy them. This time it didn't work. From this day forward we must ensure this kind of mentality does not see favor.

Even though there was periodic ineptness and incompetence in the discussions by program hosts and guests covering the trial, I do appreciate the live coverage provided by TruTV. I make no pretense to gloss over why they decided to cover this case...I know why. But the truth always shines through when the door is opened for all to see. Even many of their "experts" thought a lesser charge might be more appropriate or the likely jury decision.

Angie can rest now, her loving family will continue to struggle to recover. They showed the world what Love is all about. Allen Andrade showed the world what Hate is all about. Time for you to decide which represents you.

Now its only Five Years, actually Three

2009-02-07T19:31:00.005-06:00

First Bulgaria, now Ireland

Less than two weeks ago, I wrote about the lack of adequate justice meted for the death of a transwoman in Bulgaria. She was chased down, stabbed forty times, had her head smashed in with a video player and despite calling her murder an "absolute desire to exterminate", the judge issued a sentence of but seven years to the "exterminator". And yet the Bulgarian judge is still a couple of years ahead of his counterpart in Ireland.

Vincent Murtagh, an apparently homeless man attacked a transwoman/crossdresser with whom he had a one night stand after meeting her at a nightclub. The news story <click here> describes the victim as "a male nurse, dressed in a miniskirt, high heels and makeup. He was a Filipino emigre working in Dublin. Once in the apartment, the story says the victim did acknowledge that he was male but that didn't seem to matter.....then. Four days - DAYS - later, Murtagh returned but this time it was to slash his neck, not once but twice. Despite some quick responses to his cries for help, he died.

So what was the "motive"? Murtagh was "in great turmoil" at having what he felt was a "gay" encounter and just had to eliminate - nay, exterminate - the person with whom he'd been with only a few days before. The judge, buying into this gay panic or trans panic defense, gave Murtagh a sentence of only five years - then suspended the last two. Three years? That's all this Filipino crossdresser's life was worth? Its been said by others that transpeople of color are given even less regard by others, this seems to fulfill that most accurate observation.

Just where in these sentences is the value of human life? How can we as transgender people hope for any semblance of justic in life if there is no justice in taking our life? We seek equity and fairness in employment. We seek legitimacy in our legal status. We seek assistance and understanding for our medical needs. All worthy goals. But at the very least we should be able to expect a minimum of value to our lives. We're not there yet.

Almost, but not quite

2009-02-03T12:04:00.003-06:00

Getting it right

One of the hazards of being a minority within a group - in my case transgender within the larger gay/lesbian community - is that you are never sure just how inclusive and understanding the majority is, or wishes to be. The sellout of transgenders by the Human Rights Campaign in the ENDA disaster of 2007 was probably the most egregious example of a lack of inclusion or understanding. Two more, but a bit more subtle, examples have come across my desk this week.

The first is from The Evangelical Network - an LG (B? and T?) affinity group working with "evangelical" churches. TEN describes itself as "a group of Bible believing churches, ministries, Christian workers and individuals bound together by a common shared faith, united in purpose and witness and established as a positive resource and support for Christian gays and lesbians." By not mentioning "transgender", perhaps they've already made their statement clear. But they did include a workshop at their 2008 gathering entitled "Ministering to the Trans/Bi Community", so who knows?

What caught my eye is that TEN has scheduled its 2009 gathering for Charlotte, North Carolina. Well that's a huge message - Trans Not Welcome. Or at least understood. Charlotte - like Phoenix the year before - does not have anti-discrimination laws that offer transgender people any assurance that we will have access to appropriate restrooms, not be legally tossed out of a restaurant or hotel or allow our local sisters and brothers the dignity of keeping their own jobs. Why would I want to attend a conference in such a locale? Why would I want to spend my money in support of that economy? I simply won't, so attending this conference - regardless of the program content - is a no-starter. The 2008 conference had some intriguing speakers, too.

The other example hails from North Dakota where the legislature is considering a bill that would extend anti-discrimination laws to include sexual orientation and gender identity. The bill, SB 2278, is currently listed as still in committee hearings. It would be wonderful to add another state to the list of those that are already transgender inclusive, and especially a state not known for rampant liberalism, too. And yet.....

The bill includes "gender identity" within the definition of "sexual orientation", specifically definition 19, which states: " "Sexual orientation" means actual or perceived heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality, or gender identity or expression." While this language will likely suffice to effect the desperately needed legislation, I'm not thrilled that transgenders are essentially made a component of "sexual orientation". This is a common misunderstanding - our gender identities have nothing to do with our sexual orientation - that is very difficult to overcome and it is not helpful when we don't even get that message through to our "allies". Do they really understand? Did they have any transgender input into crafting the bill? My guess is no to both.

I've often felt that the T was simply a politically correct addition to most organizations that list themselves as being "LGBT". My experience has been that many have little or no understanding of what the transgender experience is all about. While it is personally flattering to be invited to join boards or groups or committees, the invitation usually comes with the preface of wanting/needing "a transgender" involved. "A"? One? Yeah, sometimes I feel like a token.

Transphobia is present in the LGB part of the community. And there certainly is Homophobia within the trans community. Both are sad commentaries on our alliance. The truth remains however that LGB/T groups are dominated by the L's and the G's and as such issues and needs most important to them take precedent. I just with they'd get the T part right when we are included.

Kinda P-oed

2009-01-28T07:38:00.003-06:00

Two Stories

As someone who tries to advocate and educate about the transgender experience, I try my best to keep up to date with the new of and about our community. Sometimes it's not an easy read. Yesterday, two stories wound up in my news box that caused a lot of frustration and anger.

The first came out of Bulgaria via a story in Der Bild from Germany which reports that a murderer of a transwoman has received a seven-year sentence for causing that death:

"A 20-year-old Bulgarian man has received a seven-year sentence for killing a transvestite by stabbing him 40 times and smashing his head with a video recorder. The judge at the Hamburg court referred to the murder as an "absolute desire to exterminate", although he had "no motive". The man allegedly chased his 31-year-old victim through his apartment with a 30cm-long knife after an argument. He then started stabbing him, and when the body continued to move he smashed his head with a video recorder."

Seven years? Is that all our lives are worth? And "no motive"? I'll admit I'm not up on the nuances of Bulgarian law, but what is "no motive" when he chases her around the room, stabs her FORTY times and then bashes in her head with a video recorder. Don't think this is unusual or just some expression of prejudice from Bulgaria, these incredibly light sentences - if any is given at all - are also prevalent here in good ol' America as well. And don't think the brutality of this murder is anything unusual either - in fact, its quite typical. What is it about our lives that causes so much anger and violence? Sad.

The other story that got me down was from Illinois in which the state will apparently allow a transperson's birth certificate to be authoritatively changed only if their genital surgery was performed here in the United States. According to this story, the law that permits obtaining a corrected birth certificate was inaugurated in 1961, but four years ago an "administrative rule" changed the process to limit it to "Buy American" surgeries only. Again, WHAT?

Where a person has their surgery should have absolutely no bearing on this part of our transitional journey. Like the women in the story, I had my surgery in Thailand as well. The surgeons are talented, the care is professional, the cost is substantially less and most use a "one-step" process. Most surgeons in the United States do the surgery in two steps - a vaginoplasty, then three to six months later the labiaplasty. This is an unnecessary process in my view, increasing cost, travel issues and risk. So why would my surgery not count, but those done by surgeons here do? It's a bit reminiscent of the fallacy of the early estimates of the prevalence of transgender lives about thirty years ago. It was based on those who had "Buy American" surgeries only. Under that definition, I wouldn't be counted - and neither would those who, for their own legitimate reasons, do not have surgery.

I am thankful the ACLU of Illinois is aiding these women in their effort to gain authenticity. For what its worth, the ACLU has been most diligent in its efforts to obtain legal justice for transgender people. My local chapter aided a dear friend when she was arrested and jailed overnight for getting married.

Tomorrow will be another day, perhaps with some uplifting news from the transgender community - perhaps not. I just wish the difficult news wasn't so tragic or unnecessary.

May I Have the Audacity to Hope?

2009-01-20T11:30:00.003-06:00

President Obama's Inauguration Speech

There is no doubt, today is an historic day and a day in which I am truly proud to be an American. The inauguration of an African-American as our 44th President is an amazing thing to witness. I am truly moved to tears of joy this day. And yet.....

It has been a lesson learned first hand, as a transgender woman, that I am not always included. Political advocates have dropped me rather than carry me across the threshold of equal employment provisions. Social service groups have cast me aside rather than take me in from the cold - may sister Jennifer Gale now find warmth in the arms of Jesus. People of faith have not only suggested I have no place in God's house, but have built multimillion-dollar organizations to vilify me and my lesbian and gay brothers and sisters.

I heard your words today, Mr. President:

"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

The emphasis on all was yours spoken fully and forcefully. Does that include me? May I have the Audacity to Hope? Once bitten, twice shy am I. And its really more than once bitten.

Mine is a journey I wish upon no one. I followed the best advice of expert emotional therapeutic care. I did the same for physical medical assistance. I did everything by the book, and by the law. And I find a nation willing to let me be fired from my job, deny me my identity, take away the very rights and privileges conferred upon the people of our nation at birth that I had the audacity to believe would remain my heritage as I transitioned. Foolish me.

I do not seek sympathy or pity, I am genuinely happy and secure in who I am, who I have become and who I will always be. But I do seek justice and fairness and equality. Those are the very ideals upon which our nation was founded. Just give me the chance to continue participate fully in the richness and opportunity of the American experience. Show me I can have the Audacity to Hope. Does your "all" include me?

Thoughts on the "hope" of 2009

2009-01-15T12:22:00.004-06:00

Losing Focus

I attended a meeting at my church for our Open and Affirming Task Force. The group was established a few years ago as an outreach of the congregation's declaration in the late 90's to be Open and Affirming, which is the official declaration in the United Church of Christ for welcoming lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Its lain dormant the past couple of years at the church underwent a lengthy process to call a new pastor, and we've lost a few actively engaged members as a painful part of that process.

So the meeting was to re-energize the group. One issue for the coming year will be how to formally include transgender people into the original Open and Affirming declaration written about 15 years ago. Back then, we weren't on the radar screens of discernment. As the church's first openly transgender member, there's been a slight red-face about the lack of inclusion and we're finally getting around to resolving that. You can have as many guesses as you'd like as to who will be leading that subgroup.

The other big deal is the establishment of a Marriage Equity Defense Fund, which I guess we've had for awhile now. The fund is filled by using a portion of the fees charged non-members who use our church for their weddings. Like many churches, you don't need to be a member to host your wedding at our place. The imp in me adores the fact that we are using money from straight marriages (and this is disclosed to them) to help in the struggle for Marriage Equity for all. The activist in me is deeply disappointed.

Ever since the California Supreme Court ruled that limiting marriage to straight couples was an act of discrimination - which, of course, roused the fundamentalists into action again, which led to Proposition 8, which led to the historic - and extremely lamentable - vote to take away the rights of certain peoples - it seems like the entire focus of the LGB political machine as been on marriage only.

Now, I am all for Marriage Equity. I have a friend who was arrested and jailed for her marriage application, so this is an extremely serious matter for transgender people. Another transgender woman was arrested a few years ago, strip searched and demeaned by the local authorities in Leavenworth, Kansas. I don't know of any lesbian or gay people who have been jailed. And yet, my guess is that marriage is rather low on the needs, wants and priorities of the "T" constituency of "LGBT".

First, we CAN marry - and can marry anyone. It is only a matter of where we do so. Some states allow (or at least don't formally prohibit) me to marry a man, some (like Kansas) allow me to only marry a woman. Still, there are enough uncertanties involving marriage (am I still married?) that this would clear up some potential snags - and future arrests. But for many transgender people marriage is a luxury. We need jobs, we need medical care, we need safety, we need housing...we need simple equality in all aspects of citizenship in our country. It has amazed me that I can do something the law allows, following the best medical advice I can obtain, and somehow I lose legal standing in this "Land of the Free".

Yet, we remain the minority in the minority. The L's and, more specifically the G's, so vastly out number us - and many of them don't like us anyway - that it looks like all of our political eggs are lumped solely into the marriage basket.

What do I want?

1.) A fully-inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) at the federal level. Let me keep the job at which I transition - after all I've already proven I can do the job. Let me fairly compete for any future job in which I am adequately qualified. Let me provide for myself and my family just like anyone else. Let me have the dignity that comes in this society with being self-sufficient. I am ready, willing and able to do so. Yes, there are many state and local jurisdictions that provide this fairness and I happen to live in one of those local jurisdictions. I also happen to live just two blocks away from that jurisdiction's city limits - where I could be legally fired or discriminated against. That doesn't make sense.

2.) Passage of The Matthew Shepard Act with meaningful punishments involved. The hate crimes statutes in my state are, according to one former prosecutor, largely a toothless tiger. As such, most prosecutors either won't file enhanced hate crime charges, or do so under federal laws - which exclude all of the LBGT community. These laws don't insulate anyone from becoming a victim due to their status, but it does send a powerful message to those who are thinking of engaging in those types of crimes. A person's safety is central to all that follows in life.

3.) Fully inclusive Anti-Bullying statutes for all of our schools. The annual surveys by the Gay and Lesbian Student Education Network (GLSEN) report that one in four LGB/T identified students will skip school within the next month because they do not feel safe from actual, physical harm. If we can't keep our children safe, we can't expect to be safe throughout our enitre lives.

At this point, I'll pause to point out that these first three issues would positively impact and improve the lives of ALL the "LGBT" community, not just some. And actually, they would provide coverage for all people regardless, as often straight and/or non-trans people are victimized because someone thinks they are gay or trans.

As for the T part only....

1.) GID reform. The inclusion of "Gender Identity Disorder" into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association has done more harm than good to our lives. I have been a bit cautious in finally coming to this conclusion, but I now most assuredly feel it is time to take our "mental illness" out of the DSM. Lamentably, the revision committee has already been empanelled for the upcoming DSM-V due in 2012 and its membership is stacked with people who have historically been less than supportive of caring and appropriate courses for helping us resolve our inner conflict. Worse, is that all health insurance companies, base their coverages on what is contained in the DSM. Which leads me to...

2.) Full health insurance reform. Cover our emotional therapeutic counseling. Cover our hormonal regimens. Cover our surgeries. And don't charge us extra for being transgender. I had an employer tell me that the individual health policy they would help underwrite for me would have cost a little less than $300 per month as a male, a little more than $300 per month as a female...but a whopping $525 per month as a transwoman. And I've already had my surgery!

3.) Repeal - or at least significant reform of - the Real ID Act. How can I lose citizenship status in this country for simply following medical protocol? Few people realize how negatively this law will impact them, trans or not. Bringing ALL of your legal idenfication documents into alignment sounds like a proper thing to do, but it can become a bureaucratic nightmare. With some states allowing "amended or corrected" birth certificates - but some not - then not all trans people will be able to live authentically in their current lives. With nearly all states who do allow for change requiring one be post-surgical, then the many who cannot or do not desire to have surgeries will be stuck as well. We've already seen Homeland Security out several trans people to their employers. Just ask Phyllis Frye.

4.) Nesting in with the Real ID act would be standardization of name and gender change laws. Currently this system is really in chaos - the processes are different not just state by state, but county by county. And there is too much latitude that permits judges to imperiously deny our applications. As long as we meet the basic level tests for a name change (essentially that we not be doing so to avoid criminal or civil court issues), this should be a rubber stamp.

The famed jazz singer Peggy Lee's last - and maybe most memorable - hit was "Is that all there is?". It seems to me that should now be the defacto theme song of the LGB political movement. Yes, Marriage Equity is important - as is repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act which has posed some impediments to trans people, too - but Marriage isn't the only, or even most important, battle to wage - not just for lesbians and gays and certainly not for the transgender.

HRC's Trans and Faith Curriculum

2008-12-16T06:15:00.004-06:00

Thanks, but no thanks

The Human Rights Campaign's "Gender Identity and our Faith Communities" curriculum has finally been released. Can't say I'm very impressed and if you are a pastor or rabbi or considering utilizing this "congregational guide for transgender advocacy" please don't do it on my account. Understand that HRC has two ultimate goals in this endeavor. The first is to try to curry favor with the transgender community it so willingly cast aside, and thus alienated, by excluding us from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) in the fall of 2007. To this date, Joe Solmonese has not apologized for abandoning part of his professed constituency, but has also pledged to do it again should a non-inclusive ENDA move again in Congress. The second goal is to have you - the faith leaders - do the work they are unable or unwilling to do and that is to lobby Congress on my behalf. Thanks, but we're capable of doing that ourselves.

As to the curriculum itself, the lead editor of the project, Rev. Chris Glaser, begins with an introduction that blatantly belies HRC's past. In the introduction, Rev. Glaser writes:

"I was disappointed that “gender identity” had been dropped from the list of protected categories in the Employment Non-Discrimination Act of 2007 before Congress, however temporarily. Voicing my opinion, I was met with HRC’s commitment to grassroots education in religious communities to support an ENDA that includes gender identity when it again comes up for a vote."

Talk about rewriting history! Here's what Joe Solmonese told the Detroit PrideSource in its April 2008 issue: "In that context, did I think then that it (a non-inclusive ENDA) was best for the community that the bill pass? Yes," Solmonese said. "Do I still support that position? Yeah. What was best for our community was that the bill pass rather than fail. Sometimes it is hard for people to see the whole picture, but sometimes you are faced with choices." This is a position from which he has yet to publicly disavow. Then again, this "curriculum" isn't about trans and faith, its about glossing over HRC's past.

If you don't believe my viewpoint, then consider the advice in the Planning Your Time segment that states: "Remember that the curriculum is an advocacy training manual first and foremost. Throughout the curriculum, we have guidelines about how to cut or shorten the exercises if you are running out of time. You do not, however, want to give short shrift to the third section on advocacy training!". In other words, this is about Politics and not Faith.

The whole notion behind this blog and my ministry, Chrysalis Mission, is to bring the Transgender and Faith Communities together. I simply want transgender people to find caring and accepting faith houses if they so desire, and to help faith communities understand and welcome transgender people. I have friends who feel so badly harmed, one physically, by their faith traditions that they no longer pursue any journey whatsoever. Surely for some congregations, Social Justice work is an important part of the life of their tradition. And there is much Social Justice activism to be done to benefit transgender lives, and voices of faith are needed in this endeavor. But, HRC's outreach seems most politically unctuous.

I was simultaneously disappointed to see some transgender people participate in this effort (don't they understand the depths of the damage done?) and the fact that it wasn't completely the effort of transgender people. Major parts of this curriculum uses "they/them" instead of "us/we". This should have been written in our voice, not on our behalf. That feels somewhat patronizing. Even Rev. Glaser acknowledges this: "It is no longer sufficient simply to lump the transgender experience together with the lesbian, gay and bisexual experience. The transgender experience deserves and requires its own focus.". Then why not let us define and express that focus on our own?

One other thing chafes my sensibilities and that is the lengthy essay written by Virginia Ramey Mollenkott entitled "Seven Reasons Why Congregations Should Embrace Their Transgender Members". If the title isn't long enough for you, it takes her seven full pages to present her case - a bit too much methinks. Anyway, in her essay she tries to make the case that Jesus was intersexed and a bisexual, then says the Magi weren't really Kings, but queens. This kind of pontificating isn't helpful and won't win over many of the minds or hearts of the "movable middle". Further, it attempts to define, and thusly limit, God's omnipotence. The Christian belief, and Mollenkott is Christian, is that God's power, authority and wisdom is something that we truly cannot fully comprehend. Yet she purports to do just that:

On Jesus being Intersexed: "If Matthew 1:23-25 is read literally, the virgin birth of Jesus was a birth without male input, so to speak (parthogenetic). In that case, he was chromosomally female; and according to the Gospel account, he was outwardly male. (The male appearance, science tells us, can occur through a late-term sex reversal.) So anyone who takes the virgin birth literally must acknowledge that Jesus was intersexual (a form of transgenderism) and thus a perfect incarnation of the entire sex/gender continuum."

On Jesus being Bisexual: "If we take seriously the New Testament description of Jesus’ relationships with Mary Magdalene and with the Beloved Disciple (John? Lazarus?)(John 13:25, et al.), we might conclude that Jesus was bisexually oriented."

On the Magi (though she references a book "Our Tribe" written by Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson of the Metropolitan Community Church): "the Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson writes about the three Magi who brought their gifts to the baby Jesus. She comments that it is highly doubtful that they were kings, but quite possible that they were “queens” — and probably eunuchs and shamans. My guess is that they were people who today would be termed transwomen."

Mollenkott also at times, confuses male/female with masculine/feminine in describing certain traits ascribed to Jesus and other Biblical characters. Being transgender is about my identity, not my gender role - and it certainly isn't about making some kind of socio-political, or queer-feminist statement, religious or otherwise.

The final insult - and yes, I do find this curriculum to be just that - comes at the very end in which HRC very conveniently provides you with a "sign-up sheet" which asks you to have everyone who participated in your lessons to provide their name, address, phone number and e-mail. Yep, the ultimate end to this is recruitment for HRC.

You want to engage a better understanding of transgender people so that your church may become more understanding? Engage us, we aren't that hard to find really. Let us define ourselves, let us explain ourselves. If you wish to lobby Congress, do so with your own Representatives and Senators, you don't need to take a trip to Washington DC for a photo op on the HRC website. And understand there is so much more than ENDA and the Matthew Shepard Act that is important to our lives. Yes, both are desperately needed. But HRC doesn't tell you about our problems with the Real ID Act, the exclusion of medical insurance coverage, the need for Gender Identity Disorder reform (get us out of the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual!!!) and the many legal black holes we fall into.

So Caveat Emptor. Sure, use this resource if you'd like (there are some positive parts to the effort), but don't do it on my behalf. I can speak for myself. And so can my transgender sisters and brothers.

Making Up the Rules

2008-12-10T07:21:00.003-06:00

A Trans Pastor is Called

This smiling face is Rev. Jay Wilson who has special cause for joy this week as he was formally called to service at First United Lutheran Church in San Francisco this week. It is always a joy when transgender people of faith are allowed to express their talents in their denominations and their congregations. Congratulations Pastor Jay.

There are many transgender ministers who serve, so in that regard, Jay's call isn't groundbreaking. But what is important is that he has had to accept a different path to ordination and call from the traditional process of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. In fact, ELCA won't ordain Jay even though they have no rules addressing transgender ministers. His call is through Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries, an inclusive group that embraces and supports the pastoral gifts of lesbian, gay and transgender people.

In the ELM's news release, I saw this statement:

"Wilson was removed from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) candidacy process due to his status as a transgender person even though there is no official policy against transgender clergy."

Now, ELCA does not ordain lesbian or gay candidates who do not renounce their sexuality via celibacy - something that I oppose, but at least that's the rule and everyone knows it. But there is "no rule" regarding transgenders? Just how then do they deny ordination to someone who is transgender?????

I was involved in softball for nearly two decades as a coach, player and umpire. Can you imagine playing softball - or any sport for that matter - whereby the umpire could simply make up the rules as they pertain to you, and you only? Just how would you be able to fairly participate or compete? Can you imagine police officers who could simply make up the rules regarding driving a car as they pertain to you, and you only? Just how would you be able to effectively and safely drive your car? Such is the situation that Pastor Jay encountered with the ELCA. And that is all any of us, clergy and laity, faithful and secular desire, to be able to fairly participate in our careers and our communities.

Other denominations have explicitly or tacitly endorsed transgender ministers, both those who transitioned before ordination and those who did so afterward. Still, the ELCA certainly has the right to determine fitness for service, but to have no rules and then deny ordination without any Scriptural or denominational foundation is absurd. I won't even grant the ELCA any lattitude for not having considered transgender ministerial candidacies, we've been around too long now with too many other higher profile cases to plead ignorance...its more like intentional ostrichism.

I began this blog to make the case that there is no Biblical prohibition to gender transitioning and I'd like to think that I have done so persuasively. In fact, I have pointed to certain verses and passages that seem to understand and accept just who we are. And I frequently raise eyebrows when I suggest I have more respect for people like Fred Phelps, James Dobson, Peter Labarbera and the like than I do for those who claim support and betray that promise, or worse yet simply make up the rules as we go along. While I do not, and never will, respect the message offered by those divisive and spiteful detractors, they at least have integrity in their beliefs, however odious they may be.

I am unfamiliar with the polity of the ELCA, but my guess is that our status within the full life and participation of the denomination - including ordination - won't be something they will consider any time soon. Accept us, or reject us, that is your choice - but don't make up the rules on the fly. That's all any of us want.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-26T08:12:00.002-06:00

Why I am so Thankful

I am Thankful for two loving daughters who remain in my life, for many transgenders are alienated or prohibited from contact with their children.

I am Thankful for a wonderful spouse who has seen the best and the worst of me, for many transgenders lose their partners and face difficult challenges finding new ones.

I am Thankful for my church which has given me such amazing strength and support, for many transgenders are cast out of their churches or feel unwanted in new ones.

I am Thankful for the many friends who offered continued friendship during my transition, for many transgenders are quickly abandoned by those who profess to be their friends.

I am Thankful for the many new friends I have encountered whose smiles have nurtured my growth, for many transgenders are quickly dismissed, diminished or debased by strangers.

I am Thankful for a solid house over my head, when so many transgenders - especially our youth - have no such shelter.

I am Thankful for my economic security, since many transgenders are terminated from employment and have immense hurdles to leap to obtain adequate, new employment.

I am Thankful for my safety, as this year we added 31 names of transgender souls to those who have been murdered.

I am Thankful for my special sisters with whom there is our unique bond, for many transgenders are in isolation, without support.

I am Thankful for the many caring therapists who helped guide my journey and who helped pick me up when I fell so drastically, for many transgenders have no such counseling or encounter those who believe they can "cure" us.

I am Thankful for the allies who are steadfast in their support and advocacy, for there are those willing to exclude transgender people from full participation in the American experience.

I am Thankful.

Guide Us to a Place

2008-11-17T19:14:00.002-06:00

"The Prayer"

I have been actively involved in the preparation and organization for our local Transgender Day of Remembrance gathering this coming Thursday evening. It is a deeply emotional and solemn task to undertake. As I write, there are now 30 names to remember for this past year. Most murdered simply because that they were different.

This past Sunday, I had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy the fellowship of a Unitarian/Universalist church and had the privilege of addressing the congregation about the violence that transgender people experience - murder only being the at the top of those who trangress against us.

At the service, they read the List of Names and for each I could recall the stories of their tragedies. Angie Zapata - killed for being an "it". Kellie Tellesford - her murder was acquitted using the trans-panic defense. Patrick Murphy and Stacy Brown - two transwomen in two different cities both shot in the head on the same night of violence. Sanesha Stewart - repeatedly stabbed by an attacker who gave police a "trans-panic" excuse. And for all the names, tears for each.

I began to recall a very lovely song, the music composed by Carol Bayer Sager and David Foster with lyrics in English and Italian by Guido Morra. Several versions have been performed, one notably by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli, but my favorite is done by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban.

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be Safe.

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be Safe.

We ask that Life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place
Guide us with your Grace
Give us Faith so we'll be Safe.

I find this song to be incredibly appropriate to the purpose of Transgender Day of Remembrance, especially as it engages my faith journey. Yes, we seek your grace to find a place that's Safe. For these 30 lost souls, there was no Safe.

Amen.

Do I Dare Hope?

2008-11-05T10:57:00.002-06:00

What lies ahead?

I will admit listening to President-elect Barack Obama's victory speech and getting a little tearful. It was moving, powerful and optimistic. He stayed true to his overarching message of Hope, and a hope that for many in the transgender community had all but flickered out. I will also admit that I did not vote for him - or any presidential candidate this year - as I have adopted the philosophy that I will not support "promise" only "deed". To that end, I did not find where he had acted on our behalf - with the only exception of the inclusive Matthew Shepard Act.

His stated belief of one man/one woman for marriage - while supporting a "separate but equal" process for gays and lesbians - gave me pause. Just as his reasoning behind that position citing his Faith. This is not a commentary about his former paster, Rev. Jeremiah Wright as I understood and appreciated the fiery minister's declaration of "God Damn America". But his church was not Open and Affirming - the United Church of Christ's formal declaration of embracing LGB and T souls in the congregation. Indeed, Rev. Wright held some views that could be termed homophobic. I've yet to encounter the homophobe who miraculously embraced transgenders.

So I offer up this message to the pending President. You said "Yes We Can". Will you? Yes, we do have Hopes. Our hope is for passage of the Matthew Shepard Act so that we may be safer in our lives. Our hope is for passage of an inclusive ENDA so that we may provide for ourselves and our families. Our hope is for abandonment of the Read I.D. Act so that we may maintain full citizenship rights in this Land of the Free. Our hope is for proper medical insurance coverage and mental health reform so that we may obtain affordable, appropriate physical and emotional care. Our hope is for a leader and a government that honors our dignity, respects our authenticity and desires our talents.

Sorry to say, I won't be holding my breath. First, there are many Democrats still around from the early, heady days of the Clinton presidency. Shortly after assuming office, the Clinton administration, with a Democratically controlled House and Senate, obligingly embarked on a number of liberally minded intiatives - some with some success and some with utter disastrous results. Remember "Hillary's Health Care Plan"? In two short years, the GOP overwhelmed the balance in Congress and we have been paying for that ever since. Until today. It would be politically appropriate for President Obama and the new Congress to adopt a "go slow" approach for some issues. But one of those issues is likely to be Our Hopes.

Second, election results in California, Colorado, Florida, Arizona and some local fights, show that LGB and T issues may still be a bit politically toxic to touch. Thus, there is an additional reason to, perhaps push Our Hopes to the back burner for awhile. And I fully expect the bulk of LGB issues to predominate whatever efforts that are undertaken - specifically the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (thank you Mr. Clinton!) and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (again, thanks Bill). After the ENDA betrayal in 2007, you think Our Hopes will even remain on the back burner - or, once again, get shoved under the bus?

I will remain hopeful, for a loss of hope leads to despair. But I will be realistic in my expectations as well, for hope that is betrayed is even worse. The next step will be action, not the offer of more "hope". Yes you can...now Do.

The Transgender Gene?

2008-10-30T20:05:00.002-05:00

Science or Hokum?

The transworld is all a dither about a report in Biological Psychiatry that suggests there is a "transgender gene" that has been identified. Some suggest this "validates" our experience, others worry about tests that could prove harmful. Me? I'm just gonna be a wet blanket. Not only am I not all that excited about it...in fact I'm quite skeptical.

First, they report finding only that the gene variation (regarding a gene string thought to have impact as an androgen receptor) is noted more often in MtF's than the control group. So some/many MtF's did NOT have this genetic string and some/few of the control group did. I'm no geneticist, but I did a pretty good job in logic in college. Some is not all and neither is many. So if there are some who do not have the gene variation (which some reports have labeled a "defect" - another reason not to trust these reports) then one cannot claim this is THE cause. At best, it may be ONE cause. Or it just may be total bupkus.

Also, in reading the report it referenced the AR gene structure in how it *might* relate to "masculinity" and/or "femininity". Those are sociologically constructed gender roles, NOT personal identity factors. Many of us are/were very "masculine", just like many gay males are quite "masculine" and many lesbian women are "feminine". So once again, behavior is confused with status.

I first read about this via the BBC website - which you can find here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7689007.stm

That page will also link you to an "authoritative" study from 2000 by Professor Richard Green of Imperial College in London who said that MtF's had certain traits in common - lefthandedness, late birth order and an abundance of maternal aunts. Of course, I'm right handed, first born and had no maternal aunts.

And I recall an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about Dr. V.S. Ramachandran's theory of a "phantom pain" connection and his rather egotistic declaration ""Those who study transsexuality tend to be territorial because they themselves have made so little progress. There is no literature that illuminates the underlying mechanisms, other than psychological mumbo jumbo. And then someone comes striding in and spends two weeks solving the riddle. It must be infuriating." I don't think so, but I'll give him props for "psychological mumbo jumbo"!

As someone who offers what I believe to be a rather credible presentation on transgender understanding, I come across a lot of these studies and research efforts. Some may have merit, most probably don't. Ours is an existence that lends itself to a lot of "pseudoscience" either by those trying to make a name for themselves or by those like Focus on the Family that have a clear agenda to support. In fact, I recently gave a presentation to a local college class. One of the student's memos that were forwarded on to me was from someone not terribly supportive, which is okay by me. What is not okay was his belief this was due to a sexual trauma earlier in my life....'cuz that's what he'd heard. So here is someone who'd rather believe the phony myths because it neatly fits his biases, rather than attempt to understand the real science as we can best discern it.

Its hard enough to recognize true scientific discovery and breakthrough when we are constantly bombarded with stories such as this. In fact the headlines cite "transgender gene found!", when even in the article the authors suggest this may only be a connection. Thus we can't even trust the scientific journalism involved, let alone the authenticity of the scientists themselves. Is it really that important to find the "cause"? Isn't our collective existence and experience sufficient? Listen to us and you will learn. Those who don't want to listen are the ones bound and determined to deny our journeys by finding some "cause".

Mike to Christine to Mike

2008-10-22T08:02:00.003-05:00

The Re-Transition of Mike Penner

Word is spreading today that Los Angeles Times Sports Columnist Christine Daniels is transitioning back to her former life as Mike Penner. Mike/Christine made a huge public splash with an "outing" column published in the Times back on April 26th of last year. Everything written then spoke directly to the common journey experienced by so many others over so many years. There was nothing hinting of something amiss. But clearly, something is amiss. Just what that "something" is will be the subject of speculation until Mike/Christine (and I feel absolutely frustrated that I must list the name is such fashion) speaks directly.

Magnanimous me. Charitably I will suggest, as I do underscore in seminars I present, that this is Mike's journey, not mine, nor that of the trans community at large. Our gender identity struggles have no one-size-fits-all destiny. For some like me, full transition with surgery is where my journey has led to my peace. Others transition, but have no surgery - for them that is not that important. Some continue to fashion their own personal peace by living a dual life. The journey is the individual's. For that, I will offer my best to Mike.

Clinical me. I know little of Mike/Christine's early journey. Who was the therapist involved? I won't necessarily criticize the therapeutic skill or care of the counselor (was there one at all?) for they must proceed as the patient presents their story. This isn't an exact science, it is possible that appropriate care was provided, that there was something within Mike/Christine that wasn't brought out or kept hidden. We are very good about hiding ourselves. But in looking at others who have expressed severe regrets or "gone back", most of the time there was either incompetant therapeutic service or none at all. Still, it is reported that there is about a four percent "regret rate" among us...is Mike/Christine in that slim demographic?

Economic me. Perhaps these challenging economic days are bringing an emotional stress all its own. The Times has endured many layoffs over the past few years. A new spartan ownership, a dwindling readership and advertising base and the current crisis may have initiated a controlling fear that he might be better served in his employment if he "returned". Employment is a major hurdle for many of us. If laid off, who would hire a transgender sports columnist? My guess would be that if his position is on the chopping block, this move won't stave off the pink slip.

Cynical me. Was this all a ruse? Nora Vincent wrote a somewhat successful book, "Self Made Man", about her living as a man for a year or so - although it's interesting that the paperback version listed on Amazon subtitles the book "One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man" and the hardcover edition says "One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back". Is it possible that Mike is going to write some kind of similar "autobiography"? The trans community adoringly absorbed Christine into the sisterhood and provided access to the top transgender leaders in the country. And we are talking about a very gifted writer.

Angry me. Mike/Christine has had every advantage that so many of us never enjoyed. Just yesterday I completed preparing the list of names for our local Transgender Day of Remembrance memorial next month. With a month remaining, there are 23 names. And so many were involved in sex work - so marginalized in their lives that this was likely their only legitimate option to economically survive. Dear Mike/Christine, this isn't a "whim". You were so darned certain with that initial column - were your doubts present then?

Jaded me. Christine became the "celebrity du jour" in the trans community. Without so much as a blink of a mascara-ed eyelash, we fawned all over her. Same thing happened with Susan Stanton. Susan, it turned out, harbored some of her own transphobic sentiments. After making hay with the Human Rights Campaign (she was introduced at the HRC's presidential "debate"), Stanton's star faded rapidly thereafter with her comments. She's argued that she was misunderstood, but the egg on HRC's face - if not hers - was most evident. Did we, the trans community, adopt another "star" much too quickly? Some of us, myself included, get our so-called fifteen minutes of fame - but does that make us any "better" than those transpeople whose transitions were in the margins or the shadows?

In the end, I'll return to the first point. This is not about me, but about Mike/Christine. But I worry not only about what lies ahead for Mike, but also for the transgender community at large.

Divided Within

2008-10-17T10:12:00.002-05:00

Why Can't We Be Friends?

I wrote in an earlier entry, "Our Ugly Truth", about how the transgender "community" has an unfortunate tendency to divide and stratify itself - post-ops are higher than pre-ops, pre-ops higher than non-ops, all "T's" above all "CD's" (cross-dressers) and everyone higher than the transvestites. Now I've encountered yet another way we divide ourselves - the transwomen vs. the transmen.

I recently became aware of a local Yahoo e-mail group for FtM's in the Kansas City area. There is one for MtF's as well, which I joined prior to coming here, but later withdrew when there got to be too much division created by various participants. Now, as someone who has provided well over a hundred talks and presentations about Gender Identity locally, I do my best to address this from both the male-to-female experience and the female-to-male. Clearly, it is much easier for me to reference the MtF part more easily since that has been my own personal journey. I sought to enlist in the local FtM group to not only learn a bit more about their journey, but become more knowledgeable about local resources - support groups, therapists, physicians, etc.

To join a Yahoo group you access their home page and, if it is a private group - and this one is - you fill out the application box with a short blurb as to why you'd like to join. A few days later the group's owner sent me an email asking for a more in-depth explanation, which I provided even though I thought it a bit odd as I had clearly identified myself as MtF and as an advocate in the initial application. According to the owner, my application had caused a bit of a stir and debate. This was noticeable in the increase in messages for the month - which is visible on the group homepage.

Another week passes by with no further communication so I sent a note to the owner to withdraw my application. His response was that maybe I could send the FtM community information (which was also part of my reason to join) through someone else who is a member. It was yet another week before I finally got the "application denied" note from him. So I'm left to wonder why. Was it because I'm a transwoman? Was it because of something about me personally? Their homepage clearly states that "SOFFA's" are welcome. That's Significant Others (those in our committed relationships), Family, Friends and Allies. I do have local FtM friends and I am definitely an Ally. So, why?

An enduring principle, first cited by Aesop nearly six centuries before Christ, is "United we stand, divided we fall". Heck it's even the lyrics to a well-known song sung by Brotherhood of Man in the early 70's - "For United we stand, divided we fall. And if our backs should ever against the wall, we'll be together, together, you and I". It's about solidarity, it's about unity, it's about community. And yet, once again, I have to say their is no "community" within the transgender world. Amazing, isn't it? We who are so deeply marginalized by society - and even by some who are gay and lesbian - can't stand together in defense or support of ourselves.

National Coming Out Day

2008-10-11T09:52:00.002-05:00

Taking the Leap of Faith

Today is National Coming Out Day, a time when people who have been closeted are encouraged to come into the light of life, to be open, honest and authentic unto themselves. I often talk about the fact that for transgenders, there is no "choice" about coming out - only a question of "when". For our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, coming out is a matter of sharing something deeply personal - but they look the same the next day. Not so for us. Our whole lives are radically and dramatically changed. We become a physical reminder every day of our status.

And so I would ask for your special prayers for the transgenders who come Out today - and any day. The world is slowly becoming a better place for us. As more and more transwomen and transmen come out, become more visible, more and more people find role models and encouragement in making their Leap. Laws are slowly changing as well, but they continue to spread. Currently close to 40% of the population is now covered by anti-discrimination laws at the state, county or city level. And Diane Schroer last month won her federal discrimination suit against the Library of Congress, thus paving the way for transpeople to seek judicial relief on the basis of sex discrimination.

Though written for gays and lesbians, here are some prayers for those coming out, their families and their friends. Authors Leanne Tigert and Timothy Brown, in their book 'Coming Out Young and Faithful' offer these three prayers:

Prayer for Coming Out

Creator God, I am learning things all the time.
It is a gift to get to know you and your world, your beautiful creations.
I am also getting to know myself,
and I am discovering I am attracted to members of my gender - other girls (or boys). Sometimes the things I feel are strong and deep.
Sometimes it even feels like love.
Sometimes I feel scared about these feelings.
Sometimes I feel wonderful about them.
I know that I am your creation,
and you have given me a wonderful gift in my orientation.
I pray for your supporting presence as I become more comfortable with my feelings.
I pray for your guidance,
that I may know when it is the right time
for me to let other people know about this part of me.
I pray for your supporting presence if I should be rejected,
knowing that you, God who created me, will not reject me,
that you will affirm me as part of your beautiful creation.
In your trust. Amen.

Parent's Prayer

God you are the creator of the universe.
You created all that is.
You made the animals, and the fish and the birds,
you created humanity.
You created me
and you created the miracle that is my child, whom I love deeply.
I/We have just learned that s/he is gay.
I/We don't know why you created her/him this way
Help me/us not only to accept him/her
but to fully embrace and love him/her for who he/she is
I/We ask for your presence during my/our own journey with my/our daughter/son.
I/We also ask for your presence
and special protection with my/our child on her/his journey in this world,
which can sometimes be so cruel,
especially to one so different.
I/We ask your blessing on my/our family.
Amen.

A Friend's Prayer

Loving Spirit and Friend,
my friend (name) is coming out as gay.
I ask for you to be present with my friend,
to help him/her know that s/he is loved - by me, by you, and by others.
Guide my friend as s/he comes to terms with his/her identity.
Protect her/him from the cruel things people may say or do;
surround him/her with support and with your love.
Amen.

I have recently had the mothers of two transpeople contact me. One is the parent of a transwoman in her early 20's, the other of a transman still in his late teens. Both express more concern from society's antipathy and bigotry about us and how that may affect their children than the fact they're having to learn to accept their "new" child. I hope each has learned a bit more about the journey and that transpeople can and do lead healthy, productive lives. Continuing to hide, continuing the charade, continuing to bow to society's pressures is what causes destruction of the soul. Be well, be open, I hope you long bask in the light of Life.

Why I Won't Vote

2008-10-03T10:57:00.002-05:00

For either Obama or McCain

Well, let's just face it, there's no way I could support John McCain. While once a distinct possibility in 2000, McCain has rapidly deteriorated into a toady of the fundamentalists and neo-con conservatives. Remember when he called Falwell and Robertson, et. al. the "Agents of Intolerance"? Of course, he lost that election so now he fawns for their support. He has since provided the Commencement address at Liberty University, aggressively sought the endorsements of John Hagee and Rod Parsley (who both almost make Falwell and Robertson seem "normal") and then selects as his running mate, someone who's home church recently staged a so-called "Love Won Out" (i.e. pray the gay away 'ex-gay', reparative therapy) event. No, the GOP is completely off my list.

So what of Obama-Biden? Nope. One of the stories coming out of the much ballyhooed - but in all honesty very disappointing - Vice Presidential debate in St. Louis was they completely agree on denying lesbians and gays marriage equity. As I've written before, marriage isn't a big issue for transgenders as we can marry either gender - it only depends upon in which state the marriage is held. Still, marriage equity for all would clear up a lot of gray areas and confusion on the part of transgenders and the law about our legal relationships.

When asked if he supported marriage equity, "Say it ain't so, Joe" replied, "No. Barack Obama nor I support redefining from a civil side what constitutes marriage." Obama himself said he would consider the notion of "civil unions", but not "marriage" arguing that his faith guided his belief that "marriage" is one man/one woman only. Nevermind that his faith, under the United Church of Christ, holds no top down dogma - so his "faith" is basically his own - and that the UCC is actually the only mainstream, Protestant denomination to support marriage equity.

Biden hails from Delaware, a state with no employment protections for LGB or T people and no inclusion of Gender Identity in the state's hate crimes laws. Do you think if the widely popular Biden were to throw his weight behind our issues that perhaps his small state might be a bit more supportive? In truth, Biden has generally voted in support of LGB or T issues when brought to the floor of Congress, but he has been no real advocate for those issues either.

Obama was very quick last fall to declare his support for a fully-inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), then come spring started offering up the "but it might take a little longer" for the T-part mantra. Care to guess where he might have come up with that "incrementalist" notion?

And Obama has recently developed a hemming and hawing approach to the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) saying he wouldn't do so "on his own". That's not leadership, that's prepping honorably serving gays, lesbians and transgenders for a sell out down the road. Count on it. People thought DADT was the big win when Bill Clinton went halfway in clearing the path for LGB or T people to serve openly and honestly in the military. How wrong was that support? Once burned, twice shy.

Also disturbing is Obama's continued outreach to very conservative faith leaders, one of whom is stumping for him in California while simultaneously supporting Proposition 8, which is the effort to overturn the state's Supreme Court ruling clearing the way for marriage equity. While Catholic legal scholar Douglas Kmiec has been denied Communion for his support of Obama - who supports reproductive rights and choice for women - which is spiritual violence at him, the fact remains that Kmiec also supported Mitt Romney until his poorly defined candidacy collapsed. Kmiec is to be part of Obama's "Faith and Values" tour. Let us not forget that Obama earlier used Donnie McClurkin, a self-proclaimed "ex-gay" minister and gospel singer in the primary campaign in South Carolina.

I truly hope that Obama does win the election and not just for the historical context. But I can no longer support someone based on promises or hope or simply being the lesser of two choices. I spent nearly 50 years of my life living "second best" and I refuse to accept that premise any longer. I will support, eagerly support, those that support me. Is it a "litmus test"? Sure, but if I don't stand firm about transgender issues, the others don't really matter much. Clear that hurdle - act, not promise, for transgender equality - and then I'll consider the other issues important to the nation. Neither candidate, nor their running mates, have done so and thus I will sit on the sidelines of this election.

A Solemn Duty

2008-09-16T11:02:00.002-05:00

Transgender Day of Remembrance

I am honored to be involved in the planning of my local Transgender Day of Remembrance gathering. The memorial, planned for the traditional date of November 20th, is to remember those transgender souls who were murdered within the past year. Some 400 names have been read since the inception of TDOR in 1999, this year the list is at 14 names. Especially troubling this year is the number of young people killed simply for being who they are.

I am pleased that my church has agreed to host this year's ceremony, the church also serves as host to a transgender support group's monthly meeting. We plan to include Kansas City Councilmember Beth Gottstein, who earlier this year fostered transgender inclusion into the city's anti-discrimination laws. The bill passed unanimously and there hasn't been a whiff of the stink that has occurred in Colorado, Montgomery County, Gainesville or Hamtramck.

We will also be honored to have the involvement of the youth of our community. Last winter members of local Gay/Straight Alliances through GLSEN organized a memorial specifically for Larry King, the 15 year old shot in a classroom of his middle school by a 14 year old classmate. The violence and hatred has now defiled our educational institutions.

One of our own died in 2006. Kaseem Juanda was found dead at a rest stop along I-29 just north of the Iowa/Missouri border. After a lengthy - actually too lengthy in my opinion - investigation and lab assessment (does it really take nearly a year for ballistics results?) - her death was ruled a suicide. I'm in no position to quibble with their determination, but there were enough unanswered questions that its probably fair to suggest we may never know the circumstances of her death. She will be remembered - a candle will remain lit for her. Kaseem worked for years in the Denver area, active in her union, sometimes organizing the annual picnic. Following her retirement, she came to Kansas City to find and be herself.

The hatred that is allowed to exist in our culture, in fact nurtured by many of our churches, has got to end. It doesn't matter whether you consider my life to be a "sin" or not. The anger, the rancor is heard by more than just those in your pews - those that, I presume you just know would never harm someone else. But we continue to be killed. Jesus killed no one. Follow that lead.

One Down.....

2008-09-11T17:05:00.002-05:00

"Activist" Judges?

It always happens. Someone, usually the neo-con right, loses a court decision and immediately the declaration arises from the loudest lungs "activist judges". The are "legislating" from the bench. So today, my turn with "activist" judges and specifically one who is finally retiring. Her name is Kay McFarland, Chief Justice of the Kansas Supreme Court.

An article today in the Kansas City Star says the search for her replacement is now underway. By rule, the most senior judge of the court becomes the Chief Justice, so that will now be Robert E. Davis - another "activist". In fact, they are all "activist" judges. Losing one is but a drop in the bucket.

Fortunately, Democratic Governor Kathleen Sebelius, who issued an order declaring that all state agencies must not discriminate against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees. Her order also mandated diversity training, I'm not sure that's been carried out. The process requires the Kansas Supreme Court Nominating Commission to provide the governor with three nominations from which she is to make the selection. Not up on Kansas politics, I am not familiar with any of these names. Still, given the general political climate of Kansas, they could very well offer Larry, Moe and Curly versions of ultra-conservative jurists. I won't even contemplate the notion they might suggest Phill Kline, the rabidly anti-choice former Attorney General.

Now just why did I label these esteemed jurists "activists"? Because of their unanimous decision in the case of the Estate of Gardiner. J'Noel Gardiner, a professor at Park University, married Marshall Gardiner who passed away a month shy of their first anniversary. His children, not knowing J'Noel, hired an investigator who uncovered J'Noel was born male. They sued to keep her from inheriting Marshall's estate. Now you know this wouldn't have been important if it had been a measly account, but the estate was valued at around $2.5 million dollars.

The Kansas Supreme Court, in an opinion written by Justice Donald Allegrucci (another "activist" judge), declared that for the purpose of marriage, J'Noel was still "male" - though they did acknowledge her transitioning journey - and thus could not marry another male. Thus they nullified her marriage and with that the inheritance. This was the only way they could "get the tranny".

You see, other parts of Kansas law, does allow post-surgical transgender people to correct their legal birth certificate (I don't know where J'Noel was born). And another part of Kansas law makes it much easier for transgenders to obtain driver's licenses in their correct gender than it is on my side of State Line Road in Missouri (only post-ops qualify). So Kansas will legally recognize gender change....except for marriage. Nifty piece of judicial tap dancing there, eh?

So in Kansas, I can only marry a woman - which is fine by me, but not for all. I don't know what "proof" Kansas requires for gender designation for a marriage license, but this would mean they couldn't validly accept their own birth certificates, or any of the other 46 states who permit changed birth certificates. How would I then "prove" my gender to them should I ever decide to be married in Kansas?

Left tantalizingly dangling in this decision was the question of what would have happened if the tables were turned? What if the bulk of the estate's value was J'Noel's and that she, not Marshall, had died first? What if her heirs had made the challenge? Would they have decided to "get the tranny" by validating her marriage, denying her heirs or children their inheritance? Ah, yes, the Sanctity of Marriage - unless you don't agree with someone's particular case.

Christy Lee Littleton ran into the same "activist" judges in Texas when they nullified her marriage as she was bringing suit for wrongful death in the case of her husband due to medical malpractice. To "get the tranny" they essentially had to write the same "opinion". Imagine her walking into a county clerk's office trying to convince them she's a "man" so that she could marry another woman!

As a result, marriage for transgender people - unlike our gay and lesbian friends - is not a problem! It only depends on where you get married, not to whom. And yet that is why the marriage issue in California is important to transgenders, to help us clarify the legal landscape since many of us are living in a legal blackhole regarding our relationships. It is also why it is extremely bad policy and practice to split the T from LGB/T in our political battles. If the L's and the G's cast us aside in a common need like employment, how could we ever count on their support for things specific to us?

Until I see a willingness on the part of the entire LGB/T political world to unite and stand united, I will remain outside - no lobbying, no advocating, no voting. Oh yeah, was "Brown v. Board of Education" decided by "activist" judges? That came out of none other than Topeka, the state Capital of Kansas.

My Knight(mare) in Shining (Rusted) Armor

2008-08-27T12:36:00.003-05:00

With Friends Like Barney...

...who needs Republicans? Looks like Rep. Barney Frank still wants to kick me out of his little club. The gay blog, Towleroad, interviewed the Ol' Barn at the Democratic National Convention, to which he declared:

"If we pick up 15 or 20 Democrats, most of them will be supportive. But I am disappointed in the transgender community. They seem to think that if Nancy Pelosi and myself, George Miller and a few others waved a magic wand we could deliver it. Look, this past year in the legislatures of Maryland, Massachusetts, and New York, efforts to add transgender protections...were defeated. And I testified for it in Massachusetts and lobbied for it. And as a political problem out there, I wish there weren't, but pretending that something doesn't exist is never a good way to deal with it. I am afraid that too many people in the transgender community think that talking to me and Nancy Pelosi is the way to do it. I don't yet see enough grassroots lobbying on their part.

"I do think that the hearing that we had — and by the way, we had a hearing in the House over the objections of many of the transgender leadership. But I really doubt their political wisdom...Because they said it was part of our deal to separate it from ENDA and they wanted to not have anything separate. We did a good job in that hearing and we helped persuade some people. So we're making progress. We'd make even more progress if the transgender community was willing to do the hard political work. And not, frankly, think they can just talk a few leaders into handing this to them."

Wow....could he have been just SLIGHTLY less demeaning? Could he have said just SOMETHING inclusive or encouraging? Dear Barney, I ask you....I beg you....please stop talking "for" me. You don't. In 2004, many believe the election of George Bush was made possible by the tactic of Karl Rove to develop "wedge issues", one of which was gay marriage. The mantra God, Guns and Gays was affixed to the effort. Who needs Rove in 2008, we've got Barney!

Who else has done more to divide the LGB and T "community" than Barney? Who else has done more to lend authority for those of the LGB part to express their own transphobia and tran-hatred. I've read the blogs. Its horrible. Never in the history of advocacy groups or organizations has a bloc expressly divided its constituency as Frank and the Human Rights Campaign did with the ENDA vote last fall. A vote that was doomed to failure anyway. And they just keep at it.

Let's see...Barney suggests that us transfolk are some Dickensian waif pleading for his gracious benevolence in rescuing our poor lives from such horrific existences. Pish. I've done just fine without ya Barn. Let's see...Barney suggests that us transfolk are so politically naive that we'd be lucky to find the appropriate restroom (trans joke intended here!) in the Capitol. Pish. Here's a political reality for ya Barn...I'm done with politics and supporting spineless self-aggrandizers who'd push their own mother off the bus if they felt it meant political capital for them. Let's see...Barney suggests that us transfolk were against (!?!) the recent Congressional hearing. Pish. The biggest complaint was that you kept moving the date (four times?) so that us naive, waiflike transfolk couldn't come in support or to simply watch our history unfold. OUR history, Barn, not yours. Besides, in all honesty Barn, we both know that Congressional hearings are often just sop offered to a fellow member. Make one wonder what favor Rep. Rob Andrews (D-NJ), chair of the subcommittee was repaying.

HRC's own website says as far back as 2002 that they were advocating and educating Congress about transgender issues. So now you say that transfolk didn't do their job? What has HRC been doing then all this time? Nevermind, I already know the answer - the proof was in that vote. The one where they said 30...no wait it was 48...Democrats were too jelly-legged to stand up for an inclusive measure.

If Barney would stop trying to "represent" me, I'll be happy to stop my commentary. But until then, my support for his party has evaporated, my voice for issues that are important to LGB people but not the T people is silent. Obama? Forget it. I'll watch history be made, but I won't be a party to it.

An Amazing Three Years

2008-08-20T08:28:00.002-05:00

Welcome to My Church!

The phone rang last night a bit after 8:30. It was Nancy from church. That usually means only one thing since she coordinates who participates as an usher or communion aide for our weekly services. It just had to be another one of "those" messages - not from Nancy though, but from someone a bit higher up.

You see this weekend is the anniversary of when I felt called to attend church for the first time in four decades - maybe my entire life for that matter. My mother had passed away earlier in the week and I had been barred from attending her service by my father. To this day, I still don't know why I felt so compelled, but I am thankful that just two days prior to my mother's passing, I had met two wonderful souls from this church, Country Club Congregational UCC, who wanted to learn more about what it meant to be transgender. The United Church of Christ has the expression "Extravagant Welcome". That day, I began to experience "Extravagant Welcome", even though I was looking for solace not a Home.

While I had made certain plans to attend service this week - admittedly my attendance has been a bit spotty over the summer - I was also planning on doing so "quietly". Perhaps I would even sit in the balcony, where there is usually just a smattering of members, thus providing a bit more space to be in solitude. I thought it would be best for me to be more to myself, in reflection of these past three years and in remembrance of my mother. There is a point in our service for quiet prayer and reflection. Sometimes I shed a tear or two, and sometimes not. I know I shall shed more than just a couple of tears this weekend for sure.

Yes, it has been an Amazing Three Years. And at the very core of all the good that has occurred is the loving people of this little white stucco church nestled among the tall, leafy trees. I wrote earlier of all the activities in which I have participated at church. I'm sure there are those in the congregation - probably nearly all - who think its no big deal that I have participated in so many ways, but for me it is truly the most affirming expression they could offer to their first transgender member. That innate ability to embrace has provided me a basis of strength from which all else that I have been able to accomplish as Donna in just three "short", amazing years has sprung.

In all things regarding participating in the life of my congregation, I reference the sermon from Rev. Sue Thorne on that very first day, "Pay Attention to the Signs God Puts Before You". So you see, this wasn't just a call from Nancy that I answered last night...it had to be another one of those Signs. And so I am not destined to sit in solitude this weekend. I was extravagantly welcomed three years ago this weekend. It is thus my call to serve as head usher this Sunday, to extend that same extravagant welcome I received three years ago to those who enter the front door. I said "yes" to Nancy, but I know who was really calling.

Perhaps I will be honored with welcoming a person just like me three years ago, entering an unknown space in search of finding Home.

Courage, or the Lack of

2008-08-14T20:01:00.002-05:00

An example of what it is and an example of what it is not

Whatever your belief structure you've discerned from Scripture, I think there is one lesson upon which we can all - Conservative or Liberal, Catholic or Protestant - agree regarding the ministry of Jesus. He was the epitome of Courage. He preached a message that was in direct opposition to the keepers of religion of that time. And did so knowing such "heresy" would cause his life to be taken by these same keepers of "truth".

This week, I've found two stories - one that demonstrates the lack of courage found so often in today's religious leaders (and you can reference the entry about Archbishop Rowan Williams about that as well). The other provides hope that there are people of the cloth willing to stand for their principles and let happen whatever consequences ensue.

A story from the Sydney Morning Herald [click on link to read] from Australia reported on the effort of a Baptist minister Mike Hercock who called upon his fellow clergy of all denominations to sign a pledge apologize for the way the Christian church has treated gays and lesbians (and presumably us transfolk as well). The "100 Revs" were then asked to march at the Sydney Pride event. And it was then that the cold feet went frigid. Pastor Hercock reports receiving many calls from those wanting to withdraw from the march and the pledge. Some were honest - they'd received threats from parishioners and/or hierarchy jeopardizing, at the very least, their calls and ordinations. Some were dishonest cited some mythical "conflict of dates" excuse. Pastor Hercock is to be commended for his courage. The cowards are the ones who ran and hid. Those who have the "heart" but not the "backbone" are, to me, lower than those who have the integrity to be open about their hate.

The picture you see is that of Fr. Roy Bourgeois who attended and offered an homily at the ordination of Janice Sevre-Duszynska. For many denominations, ordaining a woman is quite welcome. Fr. Bourgeois and Priest Sevre-Duszynska are Roman Catholics. Fr. Bourgeois found the sexism in his church to be untenable - "I feel this is something I had to do in conscience in the context of my own faith journey. I feel very much at peace with it". He is the first male priest to attend the ordination of a woman priest. He knew their would likely be repercussions and he has been called on the carpet by his religious superiors to "explain himself". How often was Jesus called before the Pharisees to "explain himself"?

Again, my admiration for Fr. Bourgeois isn't so much his support for ordaining women - which is something I do support, but each faith has its own right to establish those standards - as it is his willingness to stand for his principle in the face of expected retribution. Indeed, it is quite likely he will be defrocked. Jimmy Creech, now of Faith in America, lost his ordination by performing a same-sex commitment ceremony - and he, too, knew his principle might end his career.

My censure for those who cowered in the face of adversity isn't based so much on my support for my gay, lesbian and transgender brothers and sisters in faith, but by the lack of courage they displayed in abandoning their principle.

Prayers for Fr. Bourgeois and Thanks to Pastor Hercock - you are shining examples of the Courage of Jesus.

2008-08-03T13:02:00.003-05:00

Anglicans (expectedly) Waffle

I am no expert on the polity of the Anglican Communion, only that the Archbishop of Canterbury - currently Rowan Williams - is considered the head of the denomination even though he has formal authority to unilaterally rule or dictate. He is considered "primus inter pares" or First Among Equals - which frankly is an odd concept for most to understand, myself included.

Like many Christian denominations, the Anglican Communion - of which The Episcopal Church in the United States is a part - is "discerning" the role of gay, lesbian, bisexual and, ostensibly transgender (although most of the time we're not mentioned in these discussions - except wrongfully included in "sexual orientation") people. The Anglicans are further chagrined by the presence of an openly gay bishop, V. Eugene Robinson, amongst their midst.

So strident are the voices of condemnation that Archbishop Waffle, uh Williams, disinvited Bishop Robinson to the once-every-ten-years Lambeth Conference - a conclave in which the world's Anglican bishops discuss things. Archbishop Waffle, uh Williams, also disinvited a couple of the more visible homophobic prelates, mostly Peter Akinola of Africa and Martin Minns of the United States. Several of their "brethren" joined them in not attending Lambeth - a huge snub to Archbishop Waffle, uh Williams, and the Anglican "communion".

Rather than knuckle down and get to the issue - at least this one - at hand Archbishop Waffle, uh Williams offered no "agenda", no "votes", no real plan to facilitate discernment amongst the bishops. Without that basis established, there could really be no way to adequate address any substantive issue. It recalls the character Linda Richman, played by Mike Myers on Saturday Night Live, who was a cable TV talk show hostess who rarely had a topic, but would get "verklempt" in the middle of everything and suggest the audience "talk amongst yourself" giving them a topic completely inane and off kilter.

As Lambeth concludes, Archbishop Waffle, uh Williams, has called for a moratorium on installing, or consecrating, any additional openly gay bishops arguing they need "space for study and free discussion without pressure" to deliberate same-sex relationships. He's gone further in asking that the Episcopal Church in the United States and the Anglican Church in Canada stop offering prayers, blessings and ceremonies for same-sex unions suggesting that a lack of acceptance of this moratorium by them places the Communion in "grave peril".

It seems to me that Lambeth, under strong leadership, would have been the perfect place to bring all parties together and require them to engage in discussion and discernment. Perhaps, the Archbishop doesn't have that kind of authority - but my sense is if he can "disinvite" certain bishops he can also "require" their presence as well.

All this to suggest that within the majority of our Protestant denominations there is no real "leadership" among the "leaders", only a passive hand on the helm hoping that the ship won't founder on their watch. As Lambeth happens only every ten years, its fair to suggest that Archbishop Waffle, uh Williams, will have successfully passed the buck onto his successor while the flames continue to smolder, even rage, for the next decade. Unfortunately for him, he has grossly miscalculated the intensity of emotions that will certainly boil over before that next ten years have elapsed.

The Ministry of Sheila

2008-07-30T08:15:00.004-05:00

Lessons Lived

We had to put her to rest last week. Medication had severely damaged her kidneys. She had not eaten for two weeks, hadn't held any food down for nearly three. I held her head in my hand, gently caressing her, as it quietly dropped into permanent peace.

The beginning of her life was filled with abuse and neglect. We never knew her actual age, the shelter which saved her estimated between five and nine. At the very least she'd spent five years in the company of people who either didn't care....or worse. This was a soul that had every reason to be wary - even vengeful - of humans. And she wasn't anything of the sort.

The day we visited the shelter, she was in the first kennel to our right. We were there to visit a couple of other dogs - she seemed too old. Yet she quickly came to the front of her run, seemingly smiling to see us. My wife bent down to give her a quick pet through the chainlink to say "Hi". We moved on to the other pens, one other border collie we wanted to see was horribly aloof and hyperactive at the same time. Probably not a good choice for us. The rhodesian ridgeback, was courteous enough, but seemed disinterested in us the second we left. And as we moved about, there was Sheila, still at the front of her pen, still watching us with a glint of hope in her eyes and that seeming smile still there.

So we went back to her. The note on her pen door indicated she might be younger than what the website had listed. That gave us a little more thought about her. But it was those eyes, that smile, that melted away any concerns about her age. We took her to the back area for a little play. She would run between us - though she had a bit of a labored gait to her. She responded to our calls, she was eager to engage us both. And so it was that we finally realized that it was she who was adopting us, not we who were adopting her.

She was painfully shy that first day at home. She wouldn't enter a new room unless I entered first and called her in as if to give her permission. Just what was her life like before? Most dogs are eager to scour and sniff every corner of every room in a new surrounding. Sheila acted as if ultimate doom would ensue by just being in the house, let alone exploring it. Then it was another hour before she would venture to the main floor of our split level home. Was upstairs even more of a taboo?

Baths were a challenge. She was so spooked of the bathroom that she wouldn't even enter the room. She could get within a whisker of touching the lineoleum or tile without actually making contact. We had to chase her around the house, pick her up and plop her into the tub just for a bath. But with care she learned to love baths, she would come running as soon as I would start the water in the tub. A rather remarkable change, based in her faith in us to do her no harm.

And that is the point of this entry, Sheila's faith...her ministry. The first time my wife laid down on the floor with her and gently petted her, Sheila would ever so delicately touch her paw onto my wife's nose to encourage more caresses. A dog has claws that can tear flesh, yet she was so careful as to not cause a scratch let alone a gash. Why didn't she feel anger toward humans? Why didn't she feel fear from humans? I'd like to think that she had innately the soul we all profess to have as Christians. She was at ease, willing to engage, even embrace her tormentors, she was indeed a messenger of Peace. She lived by example, if only we could all do the same.

Pretty Pathetic If You Ask Me

2008-07-26T21:39:00.005-05:00

The Internecine Tranny Wars

The cancerous division caused by the betrayal of trangenders in the ENDA vote last fall continues to spread. Only the cancer is eating our own more and more each day.

Clearly the Human Righ*s Campaign's decision to back a non-inclusive ENDA was the catalyst for a lot of transphobia within the LGB part of the LGB/T community to come to the fore. Some of the most egregious things written about transgenders were from some of the LGB blogs and publication editorials. HRC's maneuver gave authenticity to others to also cast the transgenders overboard. So it is no surprise the hurt and anger continues to fester for many transgenders. The next question though is "What now?".

For some, it is baying at the moon, calling for boycotts, challenging everything that is touched - nay, tainted - by the long reach of the HRC. For some, it is trying to figure out how best to re-engage HRC into a better acceptance and advocacy of our lives.

But for the past week or so, the transblogosphere has been engaged in a terrible maelstrom of who is "right" who is "wrong" who is a "sellout" who is "real" who is "wimpy" and the like. Unfortunately the commentary hasn't always been polite, sometimes involving profanity and needless personal attacks. And it has involved many noteworthy transgender leaders - Donna Rose, Monica Helms, Marti Abernathy, Vanessa Edwards Foster among the more prominent. All are transgender people of note, of character and of achievement. For each there is must esteem sincerely earned for their endeavors to improve the condition of transpeople.

In a way, all of them are right - yet each has made their own contribution to the nastiness, the divisiveness and the rancor. Its embarrassing to read and is certainly discouraging to local people simply trying to do their best for the sisters and brothers in their communities. If the "big" people can't get along, why should us "little" people dare to try to get involved. And I've seen that happen.

Yes, HRC is to be fairly taken to task for abandoning part of its avowed constituency. As a former Union steward and negotiation team member, I know the importance of staying together, of not providing for the "many" if a few - or even one - is left out. As a former coach of girl's fastpitch softball, I steadfastly held to the notion that winning and losing was a team result. The hero that hits the winning home run in the final inning only got there because of the work of her teammates. The player who drops the fly ball allowing the winning run to score and beat us was put into that position by the collective effort of the team to that point. I feel I speak with honesty and integrity about sticking together.

But much like the terrorists of the World Trade Centers in 2001, we are letting HRC's betrayal have a lingering and more deleterious effect on our community than their initial stab in the back could have ever done by itself, after all let's face, ENDA still isn't law now is it? Post 9-11 we have lost privacies and freedoms and protections all in the name of "security". We've lost our moral compass allowing our government to invade countries not involved in the heinous attack and allowed that government to torture people in our name. And we've done so - at least in the collective majority - willingly.

Let us as the transgender community not delve into that same fear and willingness to abandon our principles and civility only because someone else did it to us first.

A Gathering in New Orleans

2008-07-20T20:50:00.002-05:00

Many Stories, One Voice

It was three years ago this past week that my wife and I arrived in Kansas City, she anxious to begin a new, exciting job, me having jettisoned a lifelong career in radio broadcasting for something I knew not what - but somehow sensed the move would be good for me as well. Who knew????

As we arrived, there were a lot of things on our To Do List - the most pressing was finding permanent housing after not one, but two offers had to be withdrawn due to poor inspections. Not on the list, not even as a footnote after the bottom, was locating a suitable church. I wrote earlier, I was not religiously engaged and had no plans to seek any spiritual home.

What an amazing journey it has been and now comes a trip to New Orleans after the Labor Day weekend to attend "Many Stories, One Voice" a broad, ecumenical LGBT faith gathering organized by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Institute for Welcoming Resources along with many co-sponsoring organization. And a special "pre-event" called "For Such a Time as This" has been organized for Transgender and Faith that will feature: Rev. Erin Swenson who tranisitioned in 1996 as an ordained minister with the Presbyterian Church (PCUSA); Dr. Julie Nemecek who was fired by Spring Arbor University, a "Christian" college, when she tranisitioned in 2006; and Chris Paige, the founder of TransFaithOnline among others. I am excited at the chance to meet all three of them.

The main gathering will be keynoted by Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu - what an honor it will be to hear him speak. The list of leaders and presenters is incredible, perhaps even too much - like a grand buffet in which everything looks wonderful, but you just don't have enough time or tummy to experience everything. But I'll try. High on my list will be the closing worship led by Bishop Yvette Flunder, the guiding light of City of Refuge Ministries in San Francisco which gave hope and a home to the Transcendence Gospel Choir.

The hotel reservations at a special rate are available through Monday, July 28th. If you decide to attend, I hope to meet you!

It's a Baby!

2008-07-05T21:18:00.004-05:00

The New Addition to the Thomas Beatie Family

He caused such a stir, "The Pregnant Man". Chronicled by The Advocate, a ratings-busting appearance on Oprah. News now that Thomas Beatie has delivered a healthy child. Yay! And whew! Deliveries are usually a "whew", I know that was the case for both my daughters - even though one got instantly whisked away for treatment of a pneumothorax caused by a hole in one lung. Congratulations! And...well since you just gotta know...the baby is a Girl. That's always our first questions isn't it? Boy or Girl? Why should it matter? But it does.

Thomas' pregnancy caused a lot of discomfort in the transgender community and news of the Beatie Bouncing Baby continues to be noted with some disturbing commentary from transgender leaders, in particular Mara Keisling, the male-to-female head of the National Center for Transgender Equality and Jamison Green, the female-to-male author and advocate.

Both are quoted in this article from Salon.Com that suggests they’d both prefer that Thomas and his family simply disappear. Ms. Keisling is quoted:

"The media hasn't gotten a message yet that they ought to get a life," she snaps. [and]
"The only positive thing that's come out of this is that the Beaties get to have a baby,"

And in the same paragraph, Judith Halberstam, who is a gender theorist at the University of Southern California:

"I don't see this as a cause for celebration among transgendered people," Halberstam concurs. In fact, she's worried that Beatie's publicity may have endangered people's abilities to access hormones or sexual reassignment surgery. His story may allow doctors to point to him as an example of why such surgery isn't even necessary or advisable. "I don't see how this helps anybody except to publicize that [people like Beatie] exist," says Halberstam.

Jamison Green seems a bit more supportive, but not really:

Green, however, is slightly more enthusiastic, and believes the story will lead to some positive changes. For the time being, though, he thinks Beatie should stop focusing on the media and starting thinking about himself. "The best thing that Thomas Beatie can do for the trans community is live his life as honestly as he can, and worry about what his immediate neighbors think of him, and how successful he is in his local community." Green adds, "If people go back to accepting him as a man, that would be a big plus."

Well, there ya go folks - the truth about the trans "community" bared for all to see - even though you probably don't see it. So here goes Donna on an expository rant.

The hidden reality of the trans "community" is that we aren't as supportive of each other as many have you believe. There is a division between the transwomen and the transmen (notice it was MtF Keisling who held the more shrill commentary) and there is a division between those who have had surgery and those who have not and there is a division between those who are "passable" and those who are not and there is a division between those who are college educated and/or authors and those whose lives are much more common or spent continuing to live on the margins.

First, regarding Penn State/Harvard educated Ms. Keisling. In my opinion she completely misses the point - and has with some other issues regarding our individuality - the Beatie pregnancy isn't about our "community", its about Thomas and his wife living their lives as authentically unto themselves as THEY choose - PERIOD. This was one of the great mistakes, IMO, about the Feminist Movement of the 60's and 70's. Unless you cast off your bra, scraped the makeup off, wore jeans and held antagonistic chats with men, you weren't an "authentic" Feminist. For me, Feminism - and now Transgender existences - is about letting us MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS, not blindly bending to the constraints of society.

If a woman CHOOSES to be June Cleaver that's fine by me. Of course, there were those who didn't understand WHY someone would "chose" that perfectly acceptable role in life, so they declared it wasn’t really a “choice”. In this situation, Thomas CHOSE to keep his reproductive abilities while it appears that both Keisling and Green would have preferred he bend to their constraints and definitions about what represents an "authentic" transman. If transgenders are challenging society's definition of male/female gender roles by simply accepting another definition (one imposed by the trans "community"), then we have gained absolutely nothing.

Our lives are, and should be, OURS to live according to our own sense of self and comfort. I live my life as I need, not as defined by or in the pursuit of the acceptance of Ms. Keisling, Mr. Green or anyone else for that matter.

As for Mr. Green's comment about "the best thing can do for the trans community is live his life as honestly as he can, and worry about what his immediate neighbors think of him, and how successful he is in his local community.", it sure looks like Mr. Green is trying to dictate by which Thomas must now live his life. Green, an author of his own story, should recognize his intent and should recognize the right that Thomas has to write (or publicize in his own way) his own story not leaving it to others.

Thomas owes nothing to the trans community - he owes everything to the people in his life, regardless of how he lives that life. There is this pervasive sense that transgenders "owe" something to the entire community as if it is a debt that must be somehow repaid. I certainly have great appreciation for those that made my path easier and Ms. Keisling and Mr. Green are among those that are, and will continue to be, among in that group, but I am not required to repay that "debt". That I choose to do so in my own, small way, is MY choice not a remittance of a bill like the one I receive each month from the local utility company.

Mr. Green concludes with ""If people go back to accepting him as a man, that would be a big plus.". It sure looks to me that Mr. Green is trying to stuff Thomas back into the closet - just a different one. Why must people "accept" Thomas as a "man"? Why can they, WE, simply accept him as "Thomas"? If we who transcend the concepts and barriers of gender in our daily lives are then inhibited by different concepts and barriers of gender, then we will not make any progress in our lives or in society.

Halberstam, an academic, seems to regard Thomas as something of an anomaly to be discarded or disregarded, except for the baseless declaration that his life will somehow destroy health care options for all transgenders everywhere. Pish posh. Worry more about the Zucker/Blanchard cabal and the upcoming revision of the DSM.

I think my own daughter said it best with an amazingly loving note she sent me last November following her attendance at her very first Transgender Day of Remembrance. She wrote: "You have a strength inside you that most can't even touch. You have faced your friends, your family, and your community and said, "This is who I am." You put yourself out there to be mocked, loved, ridiculed, but above all, you've put yourself out there. You stepped out of the shadows and have stood basking in the sun as your self--not the self so many others would have you be."

Wow..."not the self so many others would have you be". For Thomas I offer my genuine congratulations and I wish you and your family all the best. Live as YOU choose not as others would have you be, even if those "others" are also transgender people.

We Don't Exist

2008-07-03T07:55:00.004-05:00

Not even in our Death

In her book "Evolution's Rainbow: Diversity, Gender and Sexuality in Nature and in People", Dr. Joan Roughgarden offers:

“By looking at how the universal human rainbows of gender and sexuality fit into the social categories of other societies around the world and at other moments in history, we may glean some ideas about how our own institutions may function better….Instead, many are surprised to learn how wide spread homosexual and transgender expression are among the peoples of the world and throughout history. Indeed, we’ve never been told.”

Indeed...we've never been told. And there are those that continue to deny our existence yet today. It is most tragic when we are denied our true selves even in our death.

The picture is of a lovely transgender woman, murdered this week in Memphis, Tennessee. Her body was found lying in a grassy area with a gunshot wound. The newspaper and television stories barely, or backhandedly, acknowledge her transgender existence. One headline reads "Man Dressed as Woman Found Dead near Daycare". The story mentions only the name of "Rodney Whitaker". My guess is that, as presenting in the picture above, she had a female name - so what is it? Why only refer to her as "Rodney"?

Another publication, "Out and About", a Tennessee LGB/T newspaper at least got the headline right - "Transgender Woman Murdered in Memphis" - but also referred only to a male name. One article in yet another cited that she sometimes used a different last name, not bothering to mention a possible different first name.

For a moment let's forget that the murder rate of transgender people is estimated by some to be twelve to fifteen times higher than the general population. For a moment let's forget that the rate of solving transgender murders - thus bringing their killer(s) to justice - is abominably low. For a moment - just one moment - could we at least provide us with the dignity of our existence even in our death?

Ms. Whitaker was 20.

Hate Wrapped in God

2008-06-30T08:02:00.002-05:00

And They Say They Follow Christ

Last week's hearing in a Congressional subcommittee regarding employment discrimination coupled with the rebroadcast of Barbara Walter's 20/20 episode on trangender children have fired up the fear and hate mongers who hide behind the cloak of "religion".

I'm not going to detail all of what has been written by them, you can read an excellent recap and commentary about all this at the TransAdvocate Blog. What is interesting to note is that, especially in some of the diatribe leveled at the trans kids, at no point do they ever offer any Scriptural basis for this venomous condemnation whatsoever. And this is the central point of this blog, Chrysalis Mission and the Lessons you can easily follow. There is no specific Biblical prohibition regarding gender transformation, and indeed a much better case is made of support - though there is nothing specific stating that either.

Now, I have no qualms with anyone who honestly and fairly offers a reasoned, but differing point of view on any subject at any time. But when children are called "freakazoids" (by one blogger), when the expected child of Thomas Beatie is described as "going to probably have three eyes" (from a Fox channel commentator), I lose respect not so much for the authors of such spiteful stuff, but more for the people that absorb and believe this tripe in the name of religion.

Jesus was the most inclusive person in human history. His harshest words, in fact, were directed squarely at the religioso of his day - and even then it wasn't with such demeaning, debasing language. He didn't label the leper a "freakazoid". He didn't suggest the woman at Jacob's Well would bear children "with three eyes". He extended care and love to the lowest in society. And for that he was murdered by the religioso.

Those who do not support gender transitioning for adults or children cannot clearly and effectively state their Biblical basis for such opposition and do so within the parameters of decent, civilized discourse and debate. It is they who are not Christians, not me.

Real Hearing or Red Herring?

2008-06-20T10:26:00.007-05:00

Historic Congressional Hearing Coming

You'll have to forgive me if I'm not all that excited about this. I do recognize the significance of the hearing and it is nice to be witness to history, especially transgender history. But I'm also of the mind of "big deal" and I'm not completely certain from where I'm having that feeling.

Is it a lingering, stuporous mistrust of the whole system following last fall's ENDA debacle? Probably some of that. Is it because I've seen too many Congressional hearings and had nothing ever come of them? Probably some of that, too. Is it because in my little "middle of nowhere" city - Kansas City - we passed without any rancor, division or dissent (note to Montgomery County) inclusion of Gender Identity into our local anti-discrimination ordinances and I've developed a case of "I've got mine, to heck with yours"? I hope not.

Here's a story from Bay Windows in Massachusetts (which is going through its own conniptions over gender inclusive laws):

Bay Windows, MA, USA

Congress to hold first-ever hearing on transgender discrimination

by Ethan Jacobs
staff reporter

Wednesday Jun 18, 2008

The House Committee on Education and Labor is tentatively scheduled
to hold a hearing on employment discrimination against transgender
people on June 26 -- the first congressional hearing to focus primarily on
transgender issues. The committee's subcommittee on Health,
Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) will hear testimony on the issue.

Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for
Transgender Equality (NCTE), said the historic hearing will give
Congress its first serious look at discrimination around gender
identity and expression. She credited subcommittee chairman Rep.
Robert Andrews (D-New Jersey) and Congressman Barney Frank
(D-Massachusetts) with pushing for the hearing.

"I think for years [Congress] thought about gender identity as sexual
orientation's little brother, and I think Congressman Andrews and
Congressman Frank are right in wanting to focus more on transgender
people," said Keisling.

The hearing marks Congress' first major look at LGBT employment
discrimination since last November, when the House passed a
version of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) that did
not include protections based on gender identity. The decision by
House leadership to strip gender identity language from the bill
prompted a schism within the LGBT advocacy movement, with
the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) supporting the
sexual-orientation-only bill and nearly every other national
LGBT rights organization, including NCTE, actively opposing it.

Alison Herwitt, legislative director for HRC, said the hearing is
designed to help educate Congress in the hopes of passing a fully
inclusive ENDA bill next year.

"The hearing, while not on any piece of legislation, is part of the
education process to move us forward," said Herwitt.

She said the subcommittee has not yet sent out formal invitations for
the hearing, but she expects that Massachusetts' Diego Sanchez, a
member of HRC's Business Council and director of public relations and
external affairs for AIDS Action Committee, will be among those
testifying. She said other people on the panel to testify will likely
include people who can talk about anti-transgender job discrimination
firsthand, legal experts, and representatives from the business
community.

Herwitt said a coalition of LGBT and civil rights organizations,
including HRC, NCTE, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force,
the ACLU and the National Center for Lesbian Rights, have been
coordinating strategy for the hearing and have been meeting and
talking regularly. She said HRC's differences with those organizations
over ENDA have not impeded that collaboration.

"I think we're all professionals and we're all working towards the
same goal, and we're working together to educate members of Congress
on why we need a fully inclusive bill, and this hearing is part of
that process," said Herwitt.

When asked to characterize the relationship between HRC and the other
LGBT groups in preparing for the hearing Keisling responded, "I don't
think I would characterize it. I don't think it's particularly
relevant to the hearing."

Copyright (c) 2007 Bay Windows Inc.

So to that "hangover" of mine. Yeah, I no longer trust the system. I was born and raised in Oregon and it will forever be my home and foundation. But now I live in Missouri and I've embraced the parochial attitude of "Show Me". If the hearing produces movement on legislation. If the hearing put us back into ENDA as originally introduced. If the hearing produces significant understanding of transgender issues - at least in employment - that results in the "education" that Barney Frank declared necessary and a certain major lobbying organization apparently failed to accomplish on its own. Then maaaaaaybe, I'll feel better about this.

As for Congressional hearings, some are genuine efforts to become more informed about certain issues - I truly hope that is the case here. But the sad truth is many are simply show pieces - either for a member of the subcommittee involved - usually the chair as they can dictate the agenda - or as a token offering to a constituency or power broker. What result came from all those hearings regarding the tobacco industry? Or the oil companies? Or baseball? Not much. There's an old aphorism about killing an idea by forming a study group that produces a Report, which then collects dust for eternity.

One thing not mentioned in the story, which make me wonder a bit, is that this hearing has been rescheduled four times (plus or minus one or two) in the last month or so. The uncertainty has made it next to impossible for people outside of the Beltway to attend. I realize that space is limited and things like that, but given a firm date - enough in advance - many of us might have been able to arrive in solidarity of the issue. Maybe even me!

Also not mentioned is that testimony will be limited to just four people. Donna Rose reports on her blog that the four will be Diego Sanchez now a member of HRC's Business Council (replacing Donna who resigned in protest), Diane Schroer who is suing the Library of Congress in a case that is now three years old, Sabrina Marquez who was fired from NASA and someone who was fired from Dow Chemical. Now, I have no doubt each will provide compelling, authoritative testimony. But why only four? Why isn't written testimony sought from the thousands of others? How can the gravity of the situation be ascertained without a least an attempt at determining the totality of the damage?

No, I'm not gonna play "I've got mine, to heck with yours". Though I am frustrated that what happened here, and the next week in Detroit (with only one dissenting vote) isn't trumpeted and triumphed more. How was it done so well, so easily in The Heartland when more liberal areas are embroiled in nasty fights?

They say the hearing may be shown on C-SPAN. I hope it is, perhaps the rest of the world will learn something. But I won't watch. I watched the Matthew Shepard Act pass the Senate, only to get fouled up in the House by jelly-kneed Democrats afraid to vote for the Act which was embedded in the Defense Authorization bill. They said they didn't want to vote for the war in order to vote for the Shepard Act. So they tossed it out. Then voted for the war anyway. I watched the horrible mess surrounding the ENDA vote - HRC's failure to keep the entire constituency intact, Rep. Tammy Baldwin's "amendment" that was then withdrawn, the continued revisionist history from Rep. Barney Frank. So I'll either close my eyes on June 26th or put on the helmet and take a long ride on my motorcycle.

The Time Must Be Near!

2008-06-17T15:48:00.003-05:00

Is it the End of The World As We Know It Yet???

Gosh...men marrying men, women marrying women, men in the women's shower, tranny predators in the girl's potty. It just has to be the End of the World for sure!

Well, if you keep reading all the apocalyptic rantings of the American Taliban (Focus on the Family, World Ne Daily, Americans for Truth - now there's a misnomer, et. al.), you'd think that Revelations and the Judgment Day was nigh upon us, certainly by Friday at the latest.

Why do these religious harpies continue to have any credibility whatsoever with their "faithful"? We've always had the ridiculous rantings of goofballs - religious or not, conservative or liberal - throughout our existence. The question isn't how or why they continue to bay at the moon, but why does anyone pay them any heed? Haven't we progressed in our intelligence, our discernment, our experiences through history?

They were wrong about the Biblical imperatives for slavery. They were wrong about the Biblical imperatives restricting the rights of women. They were wrong about the Biblical imperatives for proscribing interracial relationships. They have been so wrong, so very wrong, so many times. And yet there a so many who still listen and still absorb like vacuums sucking up air.

To all the couples marrying this week in California - Congratulations! To those who still can't marry the person they love, let us all pray that the time is turning. And hope it does so before Friday !

Another Transgender Dis

2008-06-12T21:57:00.009-05:00

Et Tu, Gene?

Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson is the
subject of a Time Magazine article along with Anglican Bishop Martyn Minns
entitled "Gay Bishop vs. Straight Bishop" which
explains that both prelates will be specifically
excluded from the Lambeth Conference, a once
every ten year get together of all bishops of the
worldwide Anglican Communion. To the best of
everyone's knowledge, never has a bishop been
dis-invited from this gathering. Bishop Robinson
is bishop-non-grata because he is openly gay -
and in fact recently married his longtime partner
in a civil union. Bishop Minns, an arch-conservative
has helped foment rebellion among American
Anglican (Episcopal Church USA) congregations
into leaving ECUSA and joining a renegade diocese
under an African diocesan umbrella.

As I read the article, my heart sank - and sank
hard when I read:

"It is clear that Robinson, for one, wishes he had not
been excluded from Lambeth. He will be present in
Canterbury as the meeting is held; and on two evenings
his fellow American bishops will invite small groups
of their colleagues to "meet me, hear a bit of my story,
and see that their brother bishop Gene doesn't
have horns and wear a dress."  

Gosh Gene (or should I call you "Vicky", after all
that is your legal first name) what's with the slam on
trannies?  I'll bet your boss, Presiding Bishop Katherine
Jefferts-Schori has worn a dress or two in her day.
And I've seen those vestments you sometimes wear
for your official business - sure looks like a dress to me!

It is frustrating - no, it is infuriating when someone
who should know better lets fly with anti-trans garbage
such as this.  I expect this kind of trash from James
Dobson or Fred Phelps or Peter Labarbera, et. al.
they, at least, are honest enough to be upfront about
their deplorable prejudices.  But to hear it from
someone who is venerated as a liberal religious
hero, a guiding light of inclusion, acceptance and
leadership....well, what else can I say Gene?

That's soooooooooo Gay!

Donna's Day

2008-06-07T20:10:00.002-05:00

The Transgender Parent's Lament

Like many transgender women, I am a father. That's the common, but limiting, term applied to the parent who provided the "Y" chromosome. Certainly there is much, much more to being a Father or a Dad - but at its very core this is the principal basis for the distinction between the female parent and the male parent.

I have written earlier about my two incredible daughters. I remain so very thankful they remain in my life and I in theirs. But "Father's Day" looms and they won't be calling or sending a card. For them, as my oldest daughter declared in a television profile of my transition "Dad, as Dad, is gone". It does hurt in a way, but it is how they have reconciled their relationship to me, their parent.

Each household is different as to how the new relationships move forward. In her book, "She's Not There", Jennifer Finney Boylan says her children combined Mommy and Daddy into "Maddy" as her new sobriquet. Cute. Kids are usually the most creative. A local friend is now "Aunt Gayle". In another home in Southern California, it's "Mom" and "Mom" for the two sons who are now grown adults.

For my daughters, I'm just "Donna", though both acknowledge when talking about me to others they usually call me their "Dad". It must be frustrating for them at times - they have to "out" themselves for my being trans. That was as sentiment I learned from our local PFLAG leader, Jamie Lee, who often talked about the "outing" process for the parents of gays and lesbians. It reaches our children as well.

I remember my oldest daughter suggesting that they could split the calendar between Mother's Day and Father's Day and call it "Donna's Day". Maybe that's the solution - a day in between for transgender parents. Like I said, kids are usually the most creative. It's certainly something to consider to help all deal with the confusion and the conflict.

Ofttimes, though, there is joy from sadness. The first year I attended my church, I was offered a lovely flower by our young members for Mother's Day. I appreciated their loving gesture, even if I didn't feel like a Mother. Then came Father's Day and I felt lost - in between perhaps. But after that weekend, I wanted to connect with kids again. Kids had been such a major part of my life - my own daughters, my step-daughter's children (making me a "grandparent" at the age of 33!), all those softball players, my high school students. And so I am now a Sunday School Teacher - a duty we rotate among a few of us.

To all my transgender friends who are parents, I offer my best to you. To the children of a transgender parent, know you are loved.....always.

Kinda How We Feel

2008-05-30T21:06:00.004-05:00

Fitting

I frequent a website called Canoe - it stands for Canada Online - and while I no longer follow hockey with the daily intensity from my previous life, I still enjoy accessing the daily crossword puzzle (ironically provided by United Syndicate which is based here in Kansas City) from their site. I began doing crossword puzzles as a teenager in a competition with my mother. It would be years before I could adequately challenger her in terms of accuracy, completion and time. But I drift.....

Today I went to Canoe and they had highlighted a feature on the front page called "70 Truly Awful Album Covers". And yes, many were downright dreadful. Most hailed from the 60's and 70's when album covers were rather large. Covers for CD's these days provide much less space for "creativity". One that caused me to laugh...and then became apparent of the transgender significance...is actually from a 2006 release:

Now I have no idea who the Demolition Doll Rods are, but peeking "down there" certainly raises a lot of transgender sentiments. "I got what?", "This is why you call me a boy/girl?", "Why can't I have what she/he has?"....you get the idea.

I had a good laugh at this one even though it was on this "Worst Of" list.

Or as Bree put it in "TransAmerica", "Isn't it amazing Plastic Surgery can cure a Mental Illness?"!

I Gotta Pee!!!!

2008-05-23T14:50:00.005-05:00

The Predator Potty Polemic

James Dobson's Focus on the Family is all a-twitter with a bill sitting on
Colorado Governor Bill Ritter's desk that would extend anti-discrimination
provisions to transgender people in the state.  Included in the language
of the bill - which is pretty much standard for ALL such measures (now in 12
states, D.C. and nearly 100 cities and counties) - is access to
appropriate rest rooms at public facilities.

Never one to miss a good opportunity to pander more Hate, FotF is
sponsoring ads on area radio stations in an effort to play upon bigotry
and ignorance in an effort to cause the Governor to feel squeamish about
signing the law.  While Ritter is a Democrat, that is no guarantee that he
won't be willing to toss us into the "round file".

Some questions for Dobson:

1.) Where would you have me go pee? We all gotta go sometime,
somewhere.
2.) Just where are "predators" going pee now? We all gotta go sometime,
somewhere.
3.) Is this gross mis-characterization of transgenders and display of
extremely intense phobia a factor of your education as a minister or
as a psychologist?
4.) Why isn't this happening elsewhere?  Go ahead...call Portland,
Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Santa Fe, Kansas City, Seattle...any of
those places I mentioned above and ask them for their Predator in
the Potty files, (Hint - they don't exist).
5) Please show me where "Christian" grace is present in this ad.

I used to wonder how it was that so many people listen and follow
the people like Dobson and Hagee and Robertson and Falwell and
Parsley, et.al.  How could they be so gullible, so guileless, so
bereft of discernment or intelligence.  I now understand I've had
this backwards all along.  It is NOT the work of the Ministers
of Hate "spreading the word".  It is in fact the "followers" to
whom these "ministers" are all too willing to pander to their
fears and prejudices in order to gain their own sense of power,
prestige and pelf.  No...it's not shame on them...it's shame on "us".

Just an FYI.  I am not a Predator. 

Donna

Listen to Focus on the Family's restroom predator ad.
<http://extras.denverpost.com/audio/predator.mp3>

RADIO: 60 05.07.08 "SB200 - Predator" Draft

SFX: [screen door closing book bag dropping on table]

ANNCR: If the Colorado Legislature has its way

GIRL 1: Mom! A man in a dress came into the girl's bathroom at
school today!

ANNCR: We could all be dealing with a new type of predator

WOMAN: [ambient sound under of woman getting out of car, door
beep and close] Honey, there was a man using the women's showers
today at the fitness center I asked the management why?!...They
said it was Colorado law!

ANNCR: And instead of our kids worrying about finals and
the prom they'll have to worry about who's in the bathroom with
them at school.

GIRL 2: [SFX: ambient hall noise, lockers close] No way I'm
going in there I'd rather wait all day than go in there if he's
in there, too.

ANNCR: Most Coloradans understand our children must be protected
from predators. But if Governor Bill Ritter won't veto Senate
Bill 200, all public restrooms - including those in our public
schools - will be open to anyone of any sex. The Colorado
Legislature, which is under control of the Democrat Party -
has already passed SB200, but Governor Ritter still has time
to veto it. Call the Governor now and ask him to protect our
kids and veto SB200. Call 303-866-2471. That's 303-866-2471.
303-866- 2471.

Brought to you by Focus on the Family Action and Colorado
Family Action.

Copyright 2008 The Denver Post or other copyright holders.
All rights reserved.

http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_9350160

Goin' to the Chapel

2008-05-22T15:28:00.002-05:00

The California Marriage Ruling

It's been a few days since the Supreme Court in the State of California issued its ruling that declared man/woman only marriage laws to be discriminatory. As expected, the gay and lesbian community is overjoyed with gaining marriage equity in one of the nations largest states. And rightfully so. And as expected there is a renewed push for an initiative that would make marriage inequity in a constitutional amendment. Legal scholars are flipflopping all over themselves with this one. Can something the Supreme Court already declared "unconstitutional" then be added as an amendment by a vote of the people? No one knows for sure.

One thing not often noted in the news discussions is that the composition of the California court is largely Republican and conservative. Many are pointing to the 4-3 "narrow" vote, but even some of the dissent wasn't as "anti" as detractors would like you to believe. The truth is that the original principles of "conservativism" have been corrupted by the moralists - marriage equity is something true conservatives - not religious based ones - would endorse.

The timing of the decision isn't optimal. While I've long held to the sentiment of Dr. King - "Justice delayed is Justice denied" - I also recognize the political implications in what should be a strong Democratic election year. This is re-fueling arguments for a federal amendment - for which the Clinton administration stalled with the Defense of Marriage Act - a typically half-baked Clinton-esque sellout.

Make no mistake, I am overjoyed for my gay and lesbian friends...but it really has only tangential meaning to me. Currently, transgenders can basically marry either sex...its only a question of where, not whom. The state of Kansas - my dear, backwards neighbors - in working to deny J'Noel Gardiner her marital rights to inheritance, declared that for the purposes of marriage a person is who they are from birth. So I, as a "birth" male can only marry a woman in Kansas. Yet in Missouri, where we have yet to adopt such backward legalese (don't think we're saints...give it time), I can marry a man since I am legally a woman.

The backlash however will fall on me. The rightwingers will feel emboldened and energized to attack us again - and they don't see any difference between the G, the L, the B and the T. So while there are those who have abandoned the trans community on other issues, we will be forced into providing money and resources to helping them counter this anticipated assault.

Finding Themselves

2008-05-17T10:29:00.002-05:00

Logging town welcomes transgender group

It would seem incongruous - a weeklong transgender gathering in a small,
isolated town.  Sunday marks the end of the 20th annual Esprit Gala in Port
Angeles, Washington along the Strait of Juan De Fuca on the northern tip
of the Olympic Peninsula.  It is a truly breathtaking area.

The television story that profiled my change was titled "Finding Donna".
It is here - in Port Angeles in 2001 that I found Donna.  For nearly five
days, I got to be Me.  Prior to departing, my therapist had quietly
offered that for some of her clients, attending Esprit was a "life
changing" experience.  It was for me indeed...and I notice in this article
it remains that for many to this day.

The host hotel is right along the waterfront.  There is an esplanade along
the shore that runs well beyond the boundaries of the hotel itself.  And
there is also a small pier extending into water.  At the end of the pier
is a viewing tower - about four or five stair flights.  The Sunday morning
prior to our final luncheon - and then departure - I scaled the stairway,
stood in the gazebo atop the tower, faced the gentle breeze and said "My
name is Donna!"

There is nothing more spiritually powerful than finally finding yourself.

Donna


By Marc Ramirez
Seattle Times staff reporter

[Photo: <http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/ABPub/2008/05/16/2004420329.jpg>
Becky Benton, left, and Brittany visit before modeling in a fashion
show Friday at the 19th-annual Esprit transgender conference in Port
Angeles. ERIKA SCHULTZ / THE SEATTLE TIMES]

RAEANN HEWITT threw on a dress and drove 400 miles last weekend to
Washington's Olympic Peninsula with an ear-to-ear smile, starting a
journey toward the person she feels she was meant to be. Now, learning
to negotiate the art of the high heel with several others outside a
Red Lion Hotel, she knows her escape will soon be over.

That's because she is really a he, an internal conflict that
ultimately tore Hewitt's marriage apart. Five years ago, this truck
driver from small-town Idaho gave in to the urges that had chased him
for years and started wearing women's clothes.For Hewitt to wear her
black blouse, smoky brown skirt and sun-yellow wig back home would be
asking for trouble. But in the logging town of Port Angeles, where the
Esprit transgender conference this week celebrated its 19th year at
the Red Lion, Hewitt's cross-dressing is not only tolerated, it's
welcomed.

The conference "has changed my life," she says. "A 10-ton weight was
lifted off my shoulders. I've never felt this good."

For the 165 people at this year's event, life outside the box is what
brings them together. Targeted largely at men ranging from those who
feel more themselves in women's clothes to those who want a full
surgical transition, Esprit offers reassurance, bonding and guidance
in the form of ladies' nights out, wardrobe help and workshops on, for
example, how to better present as the women they feel themselves to
be.

For Hewitt (not his real name), the event is a respite from a closeted
existence demanding to be lived. Like most, he won't reveal his given
name; many men haven't come out to their families, friends, co-workers
or clients, or they fear the stigma could jeopardize their careers.

"I know when I get back, my real life is just gonna suck," Hewitt says.

THE WEEKLONG ESPRIT conference, which wraps up Sunday, is organized by
Emerald City — Seattle's transgender social group since 1982 — along
with Portland's Northwest Gender Association and Cornbury of
Vancouver, B.C.

One of a handful of similar events around the country, it offers the
nights out and seminars, as well as "S.O." activities for those with
wives and significant others comfortable enough to tag along. There's
also a "Big Sister/Little Sister" program linking those secure in
their other skin with those just emerging from their cocoons;
"newbies" are given butterfly pins at their weekending graduation.

Port Angeles might seem an odd choice for cross-dressers to
congregate, but Seattle's Debra Darling and fellow event founders had
a method in mind. The site, with its quaintly shabby country comfort,
is an easy midpoint for the three Northwest transgender clubs and a
safe, out-of-the-way locale for those afraid to "go public" at home.

Aside from the rare incident — an egging one year, or teens shouting
names from passing cars — the town has warmed to Esprit. Local
businesses offer free lattes, cupcakes or 20 percent discounts, and
attendees mix it up with locals at transgender band Nasty Habits'
raucous annual gig at Castaways, one of the local club's most popular
events.

"They're a hoot," says Brenda Brat of the Red Lion's Crabhouse
restaurant. "We have a blast with them, and they bring a lot of money
to this town."

Retired businesswoman Lou Lawrence, who hosts an annual dinner for
event committee members, estimates the economic infusion at about
$300,000.

Says a clerk at Gottschalk's, a popular shopping destination for
attendees: "They buy a lot here. Their credit cards are smokin'."

"And once you start talking to them," a Crabhouse server says, "you
find out that — Jiminy Christmas, they're airline pilots, bankers,
construction workers."

This year's event drew people from throughout the Northwest and as far
away as Toronto, upstate New York and New Zealand. Families or
co-workers might think they're away on business or a fishing trip. But
some newbies never get past the registration area, much less venture
outside.

"This is a huge mountain for me to climb," says first-timer Joan, a
gruff, 62-year-old businessman from Victoria, B.C., who paid for wig
repair with a $100 bill. "I've been dressing up since I was
preadolescent, but I never walked out the door until yesterday."

Seminars address everything from feminine speech and movement to
medical procedures and "Blue Monday," which preps attendees for the
letdown that often follows their return to reality. Local salons offer
on-site manicures, pedicures and makeovers; in a makeshift boutique,
attendees could buy dresses, shoes, purses and panty hose.

GENDER IDENTITY can be a tricky concept. How can a man want to dress
like a woman — yet be attracted to women? For a large number, that's
the case. And if you're a family member of a man who, at age 45, has
"come out," is that person still your dad? Or your husband? And what
does it say about you?

Gender, those in the community say, is who you are. Sexual orientation
is who you're attracted to. "To put it bluntly," says Leah, one of
Emerald City's estimated 115 members, "gender is between the ears, and
sexual orientation is between the legs."

As Michelle Murray, a retired truck driver with twin daughters and
hormone-enhanced cleavage, puts it: "I didn't want to just date the
cheerleader. I wanted to be the cheerleader."

Most are older, having embraced their urges in their 40s and 50s when
they tired of societal limits and became financially and sexually
secure enough to pursue a pricey second life. But many say they felt
their urges as far back as grade school.

Growing up in the '50s and '60s, many fought to suppress their urges,
isolated and depressed, coming of age when less was known about such
identity and there was no Internet to link them together.

"For years, we thought we were the only ones in the whole wide world,"
says Seattle's Kelly Hansen (not his real name), a professional
photographer.

They raided mom's closet, making sure everything was put back just so.
Some got caught, scolded, sent to psychiatrists, and buried themselves
even deeper, overcompensating later by pursuing typically macho sports
or careers.

"I had a whole stash of my sister's clothes," says Suzanne Adams, a
former law-enforcement officer whose outfits accentuate her shapely
legs and whose grandkids call her "Grandma." "I had my own Brownie
uniform. ... It wasn't until my 40s that I thought: I'd better face
this. I don't have to be ashamed."

"Outside of sex, we feel like women," longtime member Karen Williams,
an elegantly styled electrical engineer married to a woman for 26
years, told a Seattle University classroom earlier this year as part
of Emerald City's periodic education and outreach sessions. "... So we
change the outside to fit how we feel inside."

For some, it's as simple as a black dress with matching black purse;
others, like Murray, are drawn to a path that may lead to
sex-reassignment surgery. Some say they'd transition if they weren't
married or so late in life; others aren't drawn to it at all.

They craft new identities, from signature wardrobes and business cards
to credit cards issued in their chosen "femme" name. Few fit the
stereotype of the flamboyant drag queen, choosing less flashy wear
that simply helps them feel feminine.

Pamper yourself with makeup and jewelry, and "it's the greatest
feeling," says Barbara Anne Love, a 64-year-old flight instructor.
"Then, it's like Cinderella — the pumpkin comes back. And I have seven
hours before my beard comes back."

But for a week, they can be the person they want to be.

In the conference boutique, engineer Stephanie Avion of Snohomish
County flounced around in a wedding gown — jeweled and beaded, with a
bit of a train — when suddenly, the Air Force vet burst into tears.

Later, she says: "It was as if something that had been tucked away was
finally freed — and embraced. And it was OK."

Copyright (c) 2008 The Seattle Times Company

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2004420735_transgender17.html

The Ups and Downs of Being Trans

2008-05-14T19:48:00.004-05:00

Catching Up

It has been a busy month or so and on review there's been a lot of good locally, but a lot of downs elsewhere. I have been honored to help facilitate the transition of a local woman at her place of employment, an educational institution. So many made my path easier for my transition - and one in particular had direct impact on my future, Lori Buckwalter, who nearly singlehandedly got protective laws enacted in Portland, Oregon, my hometown. Knowing I could not be fired was crucial to my building the strength to proceed. In the past week or so, I have offered trainings to her employer's Human Resources department (nearly all of the staff, not just top brass), the bulk of the managers and supervisors in her department and also to her directly affected co-workers. Being so directly involved has been a most rewarding experience. I wish her all the best in her new life.

I hope now to translate this experience into a consultancy locally to aid employers and/or transitioning employees in this process as it is now the law in Kansas City. There are many wonderful people already engaged in this work and many resources available via the internet. My plan is to be readily available to help shepherd the understanding and policies that are required for appropriate and thorough development.

But life for transgenders seems to be unraveling at the national level. Joe Solmonese, the executive director of the Human Righ*s Campaign (remember, there is no T in HRC!) went to Atlanta - the scene of his famous speech at Southern Comfort just days before the "betrayal" on ENDA - to talk to the transgender leaders there. Rather than apologize for bailing on the trans community last fall, he "apologized" that he "misspoke" to those people at Southern Comfort, which is the largest transgender gathering in the United States. His comments were on September 14th...the first public indications of tossing transpeople out of ENDA came around nine days later. Here is what he said:

I ask you...what part of "...always being clear that we do not support, and in fact oppose any legislation, that is not absolutely inclusive and we have sent that message loud and clear to the Hill"...did he get wrong? The apology isn't that he misspoke, the apology that matters is that HRC strategically messed up, underestimated the damage that would (and did) ensue and will now stand firm for inclusion. But he continues to say that HRC will back a non-T ENDA if and when it finally gets introduced into the Senate. Sen. *ed Kennedy is to lead the effort in that chamber. Historically he hasn't been any more supportive than Barney Frank in the House.

And speaking of Rep. Frank, he has recently been making the media rounds most staunchly defending his "strategy", even suggesting that the majority of gays and lesbians support this. Well, United ENDA comprised over 300 LGB and T organizations at national, state and local levels. And the poll that is referenced for this supposed "support" was conducted by surveying HRC's data base and paid for by HRC using an HRC-friendly pollster at Hunter College. Not, to my way of thinking, something that comes anywhere close to passing the smell test. What hurt most was to see Rep. Frank gloating (ok..that's my adjective) about his political acumen in a publication back in my hometown of Portland in support of a local candidate there. Stay in Massachusetts please.

Lastly, but most importantly, came news that Dr. Kenneth Zucker has been appointed the chair of the study group that will work on Gender Identity for the planned revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual due in 2010 or so. Joining Dr. Zucker is Ray Blanchard an early proponent of "autogynophilia", a concept that has no traction with reputable therapists or the American Psychiatric Association (and now he's involved in writing the "standards"?) and both are viewed with extreme dislike by the trans community - myself included. Dr. Zucker has stated that our gender identities are "malleable". He claims there is a parallel case to David Reimer, who has a young child had a botched circumcision and whose parents, under the aegis of John Money, opted to have a vagina created and then to raise David as a girl named Brenda. David's tragic story was the subject of the book "As Nature Made Him" by John Colapinto. It's a very interesting, but sad read. David took his own life in 2003.

Now, Dr. Zucker says there is another botched circumcision case like David/Brenda, who is doing "just fine" as a woman in life. Of course, this is what John Money kept saying in his updates of the "John/Joan" case. And, of course, as the apparent therapist in this "new" case, he can't make public who this person is. Does she even exist? Sorry...I'm not going to take his word for it. His comments are available on YouTube, but "embedding" the link as like the one above has been "disabled by request". Hmmmmmmmmmmm......

Fortunately, now that the word is about about the Zucker and Blanchard appointments, the firestorm is fully engaged. The trans community from around the world - I just read a story from Australia - is banding together to protest these appointments. If you care about who we are, I ask you please sign this petition: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/412001300

It is not overstating the case that our very future depends on this. Zucker believes we can be persuaded to change our minds ("Malleable" is his word). Caring, appropriate transitions will cease. The standard will become "reparative" therapy, the type already decried by the APA as performed by some religious based groups like Exodus International on those "afflicted with same-sex attraction disorder". Ours is such a small community - we could mass all our voices and it still might not make much of a dent. We need allies. We need you. Now.

An Open Letter to Christians

2008-05-06T20:54:00.002-05:00

Do You Understand?

To those in the Christian faith who do not accept gays, lesbians, bisexuals or transgenders:

Do you consider yourself different than Fred Phelps and the extreme condemnation provided by his family at Westboro Baptist Church - the people who now sprout up to post their anti-gay tirade at the funerals of our military service people who have lost their lives in the cause of duty? Do you understand that I don't find you different?

Phelps is incredibly hurtful and blunt with his rhetoric, no one questions that, but just because you think you are different because your rhetoric is softer (my favorite..."hate the sin, love the sinner") doesn't mean I make that distinction. To me, I hear the same anger, the same passion, the same motivation in the antics of Phelps and the message you provide. Do you understand that in that same anger, passion and motivation, I am fearful? Fearful of spiritual and emotional violence, yes. But also literally fearful of physical harm. Yes, for me and many others the Cross is a symbol from which I must initially feel I need to withdraw - for my safety.

Do you understand that in the voices of those who do harm us - gay bashing, trans murders and the like - that I hear the same anger, emotion and motivation in them that I hear in yours. This is why I must first protect myself. This isn't about your beliefs...believe as you must...but this is the manner in which you express those beliefs. Do you have the same anger, passion and motivation about poverty? Hunger? Genocide?

Do you understand that the suicide rate among LGBT youth is many times higher than that for other teens and is completely unacceptable? They, too, hear your incessant thumping and condemnation. They do not - and can not - make the distinction between Phelps and you. And why should they? Do you understand your message, your "Christian" message is killing people, not saving them. Is that not what Jesus taught...saving, not extinguishing?

These deaths are real. And yes, I hold you responsible - along with Phelps - for helping nurture a culture which works to demonize and debase the lives of those who are different. A sin? If you think so, then so be it. But I see a much more sinister sin committed by those who foster a society that is willing to lose the lives of people simply because of a "sin".

Do you understand? Do you even care?

"So-Called"

2008-04-28T07:56:00.003-05:00

It's not PC, Words DO Matter

Ever notice that when someone wishes to demean or lessen when they write, they will put certain words into quote marks or use the word so-called prior to a word? I have seen people such as myself described as a person who believes they are "transgender" (c'mon now, quotes aren't necessary). And I have seen us referred to as so-called transgenders. Its not so-called...it IS transgender. I'll admit, I'm probably guilty of using the quote marks, but I have avoided the use of so-called.

I wrote a couple of days ago about the quadrennial General Conference of the United Methodist Church which is meeting in Fort Worth, Texas. The issue of how the UMC will incorporate transgender people into the life of the church and ministry is on everyone's radar - the ministry of the Rev. Drew Phoenix is at stake.

While I would certainly like the UMC to fully accept people like me and accept transgender ministers fully and equally - like what the United Church of Christ did in 2003 - it is clearly up to them to make that determination. And I'll continue to say that it truly doesn't matter to me, what does matter is making a decision. Accept me or don't, then I will know whether I could ever join a UMC congregation or not. I am perfectly fine with that.

However, I would have hoped that the discussion, especially within a well respected, Christian denomination, been a little less demeaning and debasing. Some of the petitions entered refer to such things as "treatment" (in quotes as though the appropriate care ascribed and discerned by the World Professional Association of Transgender Health is mystical hokum), reference genital reassignment surgery as "mutilation" (my quotation marks as a citation only) and state "so-called Gender Identity Disorder". Well, it ISN'T "so-called", it IS Gender Identity Disorder.

I don't know what protocols, procedures or rules exist within the UMC regarding the content and submission of the petitions considered at General Conference, but I truly don't believe the referenda need to be demeaning, diminishing or debasing in tone. That is clearly inappropriate and, I would suggest, not Christian in attitude. A simply worded declaration - one way or the other - is certainly sufficient.

As I write this, my understanding is that the petitions to which I most object have received a "do not pass" recommendation from the committee considering the initiative. Those petitions, with the "do not pass" notation, will be forwarded onto the main plenary later this week.

I'll pray the floor debate will be more civil and honorable.

Thomas Beatie and the FLDS

2008-04-24T09:03:00.004-05:00

A Tale of Two Pregnancies

To this point, I've not commented on this blog about the pregnancy of Thomas Beatie, the transman from Bend, Oregon whose story became most public this past month. I did share my thoughts with the local newspaper - the link to that story is (mysteriously?) broken. And yes, I was probably surprised as anyone when I first saw the cover of "The Advocate". My first instinctive reaction, in all honesty, was "uh, oh...this can't be good for us". Shame on me. Thomas and his wife are expecting a child soon - good for them, and I'm prayerful for a healthy child - and there is no reason to expect anything else. In the article that we can't reference, Matt Foreman of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force said that many people go to extraordinary means to have children - as such, this is nothing different, nor unusual.

He's right. Fertility drugs, in-vitro fertilization, surrogate mothers, sperm donation...there are any number of "different" paths to helping us have children. I remember all the "jokes" (they really weren't funny) about the early "test tube" babies. Fortunately we don't hear those any more. Unfortunately, I have seen and heard some incredibly brutal comments about Thomas and the expected newborn. And given the intended theme of this blog, many have come from "religious" voices.

But those same "religious" voices are amazingly silent regarding the situation with the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints near San Angelo, Texas. The children from their cloistered community have been removed for allegations of child abuse. It is said that many girls have been "forced" or "coerced" into "spiritual marriages" with much older men and that many, perhaps as young as 13, have become pregnant. Why are the alleged abuses of these children not being condemned as Thomas as been.

Go ahead. Google them (I won't post links). Concerned Women for America, Focus on the Family, Peter Labarbera, Traditional Values Coalition, Donald Wildmon....you know who they all are. Take a look, see if you can find anything regarding the FLDS children at these places. I'll wait.

Ding! Time's up.

Nothing. Nary a word about what may very well be a "faith-based" organized child abuse cult. Why is Thomas' pregnancy - one that from all indications is from a caring relationship - to be condemned while the pregnancies of young girls - which may be the result of an abusive relationship - not be condemned?

Maybe it's because that, according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary may herself been in her early teens - perhaps as young as some of the FLDS children. Certainly it was a different culture in her time, and human life expectations were decidedly different. Today's "age of consent" may not have been practical or appropriate then, while today it is considered necessary. But are the present day religioso silent because to condemn the FLDS is to thusly condemn the Mother of the Savior?

Let me also be fair. Google GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. They monitor media accounts of GLB and ostensibly T peoples and issues and offer criticism to those who demonstrate homophobic or transphobic commentary or portrayals. Search their site for "Thomas Beatie". Nothing. And the hostile media has had a field day at Thomas' expense.

Dear Thomas - I wish you and your family all the best. And there are those of us willing to offer our love and support publicly. Peace be with you and your family dear brother.

A Matter of Trust

2008-04-22T10:32:00.004-05:00

The Lesson of Lucy and the Football

Most everyone is familiar with the wonderful humor and perspective of Charles Schulz and the Peanuts Gang. One running story throughout the lifetime of the strip was Lucy enticing Charlie Brown into kicking the football as she held it in a teed-up position. Then, as he came rushing at the place of impact, she would pull the football away, Charlie Brown would miss wildly and plop onto the ground. In all those years, Lucy was able to get Charlie to bite.

I'm back to politics today with news that the Human Righ*s Campaign (there is no "T" in HRC) is unveiling several initiatives on behalf of transpeople. At first glance, all seem noble, worthwhile and needed. And yet....."Aaugh!"....

I was new to all this as the ENDA battle developed this past fall. Frankly, I didn't know who HRC was until a couple of years ago - possibly due to my ignorance, possibly due to their fuzzy marketing - and while I'd heard rumbles about pensive past relations, I was more than willing to see what happened. "Aaugh!". The football got yanked away....again. As I became more aware of the history of HRC and the Trans Community, I began to see what others had been hinting - or flat out stating - for most of the year leading up to the abandonment on ENDA.

This is from a press release/letter from Joe Solmonese. Is he Lucy? Am I Charlie Brown?

I am so proud to include this new resource as part of all HRC’s efforts of behalf of transgender equality. HRC continues to pursue work across the organization to educate policy leaders and the public on the need for gender identity protections. Examples of this work include:

The addition of two new transgender voices to the HRC Business Council;
Creating and growing the Business Coalition for Workplace Fairness, made up of over 50 leading companies in Corporate America signing on in support of federal legislation for gender identity protections;
Working with a coalition to develop hearings this spring in the U.S. House of Representatives around transgender discrimination in the workplace and the need for gender identity protections;
A March Lobby Day during which over 200 HRC members gathered on Capitol Hill to meet with key Members of Congress urging support for a fully inclusive ENDA;
Publishing “All Children All Families,” a guidebook to train adoption and foster parent agencies on placement of children with transgender parents and families, as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual families;
Developing a “Welcoming Schools” curriculum currently being implemented in three school districts across the country that helps educators understand the harms of gender stereotyping and ways to support gender variant students;
Forthcoming Healthcare Equality Index which specifically rates hospitals on their sensitivity and training towards transgender patients and employees.
Mobilizing communities of faith to do transgender education in the 40 targeted congressional districts.

This is but a sketch of all the work on transgender issues HRC has done and will continue to do. I will keep you all updated as we continue to roll out our groundbreaking efforts.

You know how I feel? Patronized. This is coming off like they know best. In fact, that has been Joe's essential mantra regarding the ENDA issue....."I know better". I am actually hoping the faith initiative DOESN'T come to my area as it will cause some incredibly conflicted emotions for me.

Note - "two new members" to the Business Council. Not mentioned...two "replacements" for losing Donna Rose and Jamison Green - two outstanding advocates - from the Business Council who resigned in protest...and pride.

Note - the March Lobby Day with over 200 joining in. The National Center for Transgender Equality was able to generate that many transpeople for a separate lobby day this month. And they were all transgenders - HRC doesn't mention their population.

Note - Healthcare Equality Index. How about requiring employers in the HRC Equality Index to FULLY cover transgender health needs. Currently a company can earn a 100% rating by providing just ONE "benefit" - covering counseling, OR covering hormones, OR covering "medical visits to monitor the effects of hormones and other associated lab procedures", OR covering "medically necessary surgical procedures such as hysterectomy (note they DON'T mention Genital Reassignment Surgery), OR short term disability to accommodate surgery, OR diversity training regarding gender identity issues OR has supportive gender transition guidelines.

Show us how "incrementalism" can work....make it TWO of these - and I'm certainly being sarcastic with that comment.

You know what I'd like most though? An apology. A simple acknowledgment that what happened this fall was wrong, that HRC "gets it" now and lets move on together. Until I see that apology, this will all feel like I'm being patronized and that the football will, as always, be yanked away.

No Lucy, uh Joe...Not this time.

Hope? I'll Hope

2008-04-21T09:29:00.003-05:00

The Methodists Meet

The United Methodist Church begins its quadrennial General Conference in Fort Worth, Texas this week. Its called "A Future With Hope". I'll offer Hope for the future of transgender inclusion, but in all honesty, I'm not optimistic.

It will be at this conference that the fate of the Rev. Drew Phoenix of St. John's UMC in Baltimore, Maryland. When Drew transitioned, his own congregation was completely supportive, but the situation caused some dyspepsia with others in the UMC. The local leadership determined that there was nothing in the UMC laws that prohibited appropriate gender transformation. The church does not ordain gays or lesbians who are involved in active relationships. But like most, they'd never considered transgenders.

So what's going to happen? Since the UMC didn't have a rule that would defrock Rev. Phoenix, there will be an intense effort to create the rule at this convention that would do just that. And then, my guess, it would be retroactively applied to Rev. Phoenix. This is likely to mirror somewhat the actions involved in the case of Jimmy Creech, who now leads Faith in America. Creech, then an ordained UMC minister, openly performed same-sex relationship wedding services. The first time he did so, many in the UMC condemned his actions, but it became known he had not violated any rule in the UMC's Book of Discipline. So at the next General Conference, the UMC adopted a prohibition of these services. Creech disobeyed and continued to courageously be a true minister to his entire congregation. And he was defrocked.

The conference lasts nearly two weeks, so the fate of Rev. Phoenix may take awhile, but given the history of "Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors", I'm not terribly optimistic about "A Future with Hope" for transgenders in the UMC tradition. And, if you've read my essays on Scriptural references about transgenders, it will be most intriguing to see how (assuming the "if" here) the UMC Scripturally justifies its action.

Houston's Finest

2008-04-14T20:44:00.003-05:00

A Matter of Security?

These six mounted officers are members of the Houston, Texas Police Department.
Are they:

A.) Stationed for an Obama or Clinton or McCain political rally?
B.) Preparing for participation in a community parade?
C.) Catching a nap (maybe the guy on the right)?
D.) Protecting area members of the Human Righ*s Campaign from "terrorist" transgenders.

Yep, believe it or not - the riot police were summoned by HRC to "protect" themselves from a protest of mostly transgender women and men who continue to be angered with the organizations actions last fall with the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. For the record, HRC supported dumping transgenders out of the bill, despite a pledge only days before by HRC President Joe Solmonese to the annual Southern Comfort gathering of transpeople in Atlanta, GA to support a "fully inclusive" ENDA only.

And HRC continues to defend its action and promises to do it again should a non-inclusive ENDA gain any glint of the light of day in the Senate this year.

Phyllis Frye is a Houston attorney and eminently regarded member of the transgender community. She was a guiding force behind the Houston protest. Imagine her surprise when days before the event, the Houston Police Department paid her a call. Any other transperson might have been easily intimidated, but not Phyllis and a few others who managed to exercise their First Amendment rights none-the-less. Now, at no time were any threats made. At no time were any disruptive actions contemplated. But HRC needed the mounted police for "security".

We've had much less security at our local Pride celebration each year - and we're right down the street from world-renowned loose screw Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church. And despite their horrific messages and rants and protests - I think I'd actually feel safer in their presence (at least they are smart enough not to physically assault someone - though they'd love for you to do that to them!) - than I would the Mounted Patrol of the Houston Police. The history of transgenders and law enforcement is rife with atrocities. And HRC knows that.

Shame on them.

Another Faith Experience

2008-04-07T21:44:00.004-05:00

An Afternoon with Gaia

For someone who steadfastly avoided any faith path whatsoever for so many years, I sure have been busy catching up ever since arriving in Kansas City in the summer of 2005. My home church, Country Club Congregational, is a member of the United Church of Christ. But its not the only place I've enjoyed service or fellowship. I have attended service at Abiding Peace Lutheran (ELCA), Broadway Church (American Baptist), Epworth-Roanoke Methodist (UMC), Colonial Church of Prairie Village (UCC) and twice attended the summer retreat with GALA (Gays and Lesbians Acceptance) with Community of Christ.

This weekend was yet another experience - the Gaia Community, a specific group within Shawnee Mission Unitarian Universalist. I was invited to offer my Transgender Awareness presentation as they are in the process of becoming an officially declared Welcoming Congregation within the UU tradition. Gaia celebrates an Earth-oriented faith that is what is termed "neo-pagan". They are polytheistic, but adopt a patron deity for each new year. They were in the early stages of that determination process as I joined them. I was intrigued by the 20 or so small jars set out on a table each with its own name affixed as a label. Members then were to place coins into the jar or jars of those they preferred. The process will winnow a few from this week and continue until they have made the final choice. I found it an interesting way to make your sentiments known, but also serve as a fundraiser for the group.

The presentation was well-received and the members were both engaged and engaging. I had a wonderful time talking and interacting with these most peaceful souls. And this day was more class than service. But at the end of our afternoon, all rose and joined hands forming a circle. Then a concluding message is shared. I was touched by the dual genderedness of the sonnet:

"By the Earth that is Her body,
And the grove that is His home,
By the Air that is Her breath,
And the music of His song,
By the Fire of Her bright spirit,
And the heat of His passion,
By the Waters of Her living womb,
And the dew that is His tears,
The Circle is open, but unbroken.
May the peace of the Goddess go in our hearts,
And the dance of the God enliven our days.
And may we care for the Earth and each other,
Because our lives depend on it.
Merry meet, and merry part, and merry meet again!"

Many transgender women in particular pursue the neo-pagan traditions - Gaia, Wicca, Celtic mysticism, Native American spirituality. My sense is that these beliefs are all very empowering toward women. As a male-to-female proceeds to their desired self, they are, essentially, empowering their womanhood. It is sad, in my opinion, that many within the Abrahamic faiths - Christianity, Judaism and Islam - often purport or condone less than affirming tenets regarding women. Women can't be ministers, rabbis or imams. Women must be subservient to men. Women are to be denied a voice or a vote.

The purpose of this blog is to connect the Transgender and Faith communities. I don't believe Christianity has a monopoly on those choices.

My thanks for their hospitality and warmth. My best wishes for their pursuit as an officially Welcoming Congregation of the Unitarian Universalists. And my journey continues....

This is Easy!

2008-04-04T08:49:00.004-05:00

Dear Barney and Ted

The title of this entry is the words of Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser prior to the Kansas City City Council voting on an ordinance amendment to include Gender Identity and Expression into the city's anti-discrimination laws. "This is Easy!". Oh my goodness, for it sure hasn't seemed that way in other places of this country and certainly not in Congress where transgenders were tossed out of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act last fall by Rep. Barney Frank. Sen. Ted Kennedy has already pledged to push a No-T ENDA in the Senate.

And the vote on the local ordinance was Unanimous!!!

I will publicly offer my sincere thanks and enduring support to City Councilor Beth Gottstein, who in her first term in public office, spearheaded this effort with her colleagues. What was amazing is that she did so in such matter of fact manner that when it was formally put on the city's agenda, it came as a complete surprise to the transgender community, it became known just last Friday. I was honored to provide testimony before the committee that considered the measure on Wednesday. On Thursday...the very next day...the full council passed the resolution. To say this has been an incredibly emotional week is an understatement. I am still dizzy and giddy with what occurred here.

I was born and raised an Oregonian. I have always been proud to be an Oregonian. Today I am most proud to be a Kansas Citian.

So, Dear Barney and Ted....why is this such a challenging issue for you and Congress? Here we are in the Bible Belt and a caring individual at the very beginning of what I hope is a long career in public service has been able to stand up for the transgender community with such courage and incredible ease. "This is Easy" said the Mayor.

Would you let me...?

2008-03-28T07:11:00.003-05:00

Life at My Church

In 2003, the United Church of Christ formally welcomed transgenders into the life and ministry of the denomination. While each congregation in the UCC is autonomous - meaning this resolution carries no mandate to all UCC churches - my church as embraced not only the letter, but the spirit, of this resolution.

I wrote earlier about that day, August 21, 2005 that I first entered the sanctuary in a quest to seek God's care for my recently passed mother. On that day, I became the first openly transgender to attend service at Country Club. What happened after that day has been a very remarkable spiritual journey for me, one that continues to this day.

So what has happened? Anyone can open their doors and have someone sit in the pews during a Sunday service then leave, perhaps with a smile and a handshake from the minister. It takes a little "more" to do "more" however. And I've been incorporated into much "more" at my church than I could have ever imagined.

It started that November, when I was asked to share my story with the entire congregation during our annual Open and Affirming service. When I got to the point where I mentioned my father excluded me from my mother's funeral, the collective gasp of the people could have cleared out the oxygen for the entire neighborhood. But asking me to tell that story was also easy, especially since this was a time set aside specifically to hear and honor our LGB and T members. And I was honored when I was included in the OnA service the next year as well, providing a one-year "update" that was both poignant and purposeful.

But that's not all. Not even close.

Would you let me teach Sunday School? At our church, this is a shared effort organized by our Youth Coordinator. I have long enjoyed being with kids, I taught at a high school for many years, I coached girls softball for nearly as long and I felt that I would probably never have that contact again - too many people make assumptions about transgenders. I came upon my first Mother's Day following my mom's passing with a fair amount of emotion. At the Mother's Day service, each woman is given a flower. I was given one too, but it did feel odd to me. A month later came Father's Day. While I had been working on repairing my relationship with my own father, there was still a cloud or two of anger there. And at the other end, one way my daughters have reconciled my situation is that they don't consider me their "father" any more. As such, I don't get a Father's Day card or call.

These back to back episodes made me want to connect with kids again, so I found our Youth Coordinator, Stacey, and asked if I could help out. My initial thought was more to be a helping hand with the younger ones. We have three groups, the teens, the elementary school ages and the young ones. Stacey replied "Great! How about teaching Sunday School next week?!?!?". What!?! Me teach Sunday School? I gulped and said "Sure!". Would you let me teach Sunday School?

Before our current minister arrived this past December, the task of providing the Children's Sermon was also a shared responsibility of the members. The minister would to it once a month, the rest of the congregation chipped in the other weeks. I was asked to do this, too. Twice! Would you let me provide the Children's Sermon at your church?

Would you let me serve Communion? This past Maundy Thursday - the day of reflection on the Last Supper and the pending arrest and crucifixion of Jesus - I was sincerely honored when our pastor sent me a note inviting me to join him in serving Communion at our Maundy Thursday service. This just isn't "any" Communion. The plan was to provide the bread and cup through "intincture". Reverand Scott would break the bread and give a piece to each person "The Bread of Life", and I would hold the cup for them to dip the bread into then partake "The Cup of Salvation". Would you let me provide Communion? On Maundy Thursday?

I have been asked to serve on the Evangelism Board, the Care and Nurture Board and the Board of Trustees. I will serve someday for sure. It is a little embarrassing that I've had to demur for now. And some have suggested I should sing with the choir. That will take a little more courage - not to mention the time - on my part to do...someday. Would you let me sing in the choir? As a baritone?

At our annual Christmas bazaar called Kristkindlmart - a German themed event with music and arts and crafts and food and a special project for kids - I offered my help "anywhere you need it". Imagine my surprise when I was assigned to helping the children make and decorate their gingerbread houses (little constructions of graham crackers onto small milk cartons). I loved watching the intense faces of the little ones making the most beautiful creations! Would you let me be with the children of the community for something like this?

At that same first Kristkindlmart, I was then transferred to another assignment where help was desperately needed, selling our home-baked cookies. Now just what, I ask you, is more "normal" for a middle-aged woman of faith than selling homemade cookies at the Christmas bazaar? Would you let me sell cookies?

It's not all glamor. I've also been "allowed" to chop pounds and pounds of onions, haul and clean refrigerators, set tables, make gooey icing, tape plastic tarps to the carpeting in the youth area and last year clear off several inches of snow from the roof of the badly sagging outdoor tent where the food and music is housed. Would you let me up on that ladder with a long handled broom?

I have been an usher. I have handled the sound system for the Sunday service. I have helped out in the office. I have helped unload the new pastor's moving van. Would you let me do these things? Would you even let me in the door?

This is Life at my church. As it should be for All. Isn't that the Promise?

At What Point?

2008-03-18T14:41:00.003-05:00

An Honest Question

I have been following the situation with Barack Obama and his home minister, Rev. Jeremiah Wright of Trinity United Church of Christ. I, too, am a member of a UCC congregation. Rev. Wright has offered some sermons and other commentaries that some believe are inflammatory, perhaps even anti-American. I'm not writing to judge....but to question.

I had no heritage faith belief as a child. I wrote earlier that while I attended a Presbyterian church for awhile, I had little sense of what that meant...and really wasn't all that interested in learning. It was mostly a function of childhood friendships that an expression of faith.

Now, as an adult...and transgender...I have an honest question for those, especially other LGBT souls, who continue in faith traditions that have openly expressed condemnation for them. Why do you remain? At what point would you consider leaving a congregation or denomination which makes you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. There are plenty of choices available. I mean no disrespect to anyone's faith tradition, but this is something that I have a difficult time grasping.

I do want my pastor to challenge me, to provoke me, to pique me into thought and reflection. I think, in his own way, that is what Rev. Wright was doing for his congregation. But there are things that I will not accept from my minister, there are things I will not accept from my fellow members, there are things that would cause me to leave. We all know which denominations are most vocal in their denunciation of our lives - there is no purpose served in listing them here, this is not offered as a condemnation of those beliefs.

Just like a menu at a restaurant, I can find dishes I would care to order and others I definitely would not. Heck, there are entire restaurants I would scarcely give thought to entering. Why then, would I be bound - there's a word Christian's like - to a belief, a congregation that has expressly or tacitly chosen to not accept me. I'd like to know!

Tucker's Answer

2008-03-13T16:16:00.002-05:00

A Young Voice Responds with Maturity

Earlier this month a State Representative in Oklahoma, Sally Kern, provided a hate-filled screed against the LGBT community. Her speech was actually taped and is available at YouTube, but I just can't bring myself to offer you a link to it. In her tirade, she claimed that the "homosexual agenda" was a worse threat to America than terrorists who attack so many innocent lives. Of course, Ms. Kern's home in Oklahoma City was the site of the worst terrorist attack by one of our own citizens in our history....something she may have forgotten.

For now comes a letter of poignancy and eloquence. From a high school senior. His name is Tucker and here is his response:

Rep Kern:

On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. 19 children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would've likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn't live up to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worst than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you'll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise, and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother's killer was a better person than a group of people that are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.

You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they've been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I've spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there's never a day in school that has went by when I haven't heard the word **** slung at someone. I've been called gay slurs many times and they hurt and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They've already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. Afterall, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could've met my mom. Maybe she could've guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she won't be there. So I'll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here. I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again. I don't want to be here for that. I just can't go through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.

Sincerely,
Tucker

I'll close by simply adding "Amen".

Am I Married?

2008-03-05T20:24:00.003-06:00

The Legal Blackholes of Being Transgender

A friend of mine has been arrested and charged with perjury for "lying" about her gender on her marriage license. She has yet to undergo her surgery, though she lives fulltime in her desired gender. Thus physically - and legally - Mishell is male. And her application to marry Anita was fair and honest. The case continues and, thankfully, the ACLU is assisting her defense.

I'm not going to go into all the specifics of their case, but I raise the story as an example of how we create holes in the law in so many instances. I married in 2002, then transitioned in 2004 (with my wife's support) and had surgery in 2005. While most transitions result in divorce, many do not. Am I married? To whom will Mishell be allowed to marry? If not to Anita, then to Arthur?? We have witnessed marriage nullification in three different states - Florida, Texas and my neighbors of Kansas. In each case, the person had transitioned prior to the marriage. But in each case that came before the courts - Michael Kantaras in Florida for a child custody issue (which was later amicably resolved), Christie Lee Littleton for a wrongful death suit and J'Noel Gardiner for estate inheritance - the court found a tortuous way to declare the marriage invalid. Nevermind that, also in the eyes of the laws of those states (since all three allow transgenders born in their state to obtain "corrected" or "amended" birth certificates and driver's licenses in their desired genders) they were legally who they said they were.

Just how would you legally, authoritatively, prove your gender? Take a peek? Sorry...we have pretty nifty surgical techniques these days. Birth certificates? As I said most states (47 out of 50) allow post-surgical transgenders to fix that. Passport?? People who travel overseas for their surgeries can obtain a "temporary" passport in the desired gender prior to surgery to effect safe passage, then obtain a permanent one once they return following surgery. Ah..genetic test!?!?! Nope...we are not all XX females and XY males. In fact, there are XY women and XX men and any number of other genetic variations that result in what is called an "intersexed" condition. (Hmmmm...just who would they be allowed marry without perjury charges???).

Our legal identification - all lawfully accomplished - can identify me as BOTH genders. I am allowed to change my birth certificate - but not required to do so. If I don't change it, it will still say "Male" even though I've had surgery. I am allowed to change my gender designation with Social Security after surgery - but not required to do so. Thus it would be eminently possible to have lawful, legal identification in both genders. If I were to ever marry again, would I be allowed to marry a Man or a Woman - I can't be denied marriage completely. Our marriage laws - as restrictive as they are - only say One Man/One Woman. Fine (though I don't support this discrimination)...am I to be the "Man" or the "Woman" in the eyes of the small town District Attorney who is pursuing my friend? I don't want to face perjury charges - and possibly four years in jail - if I get it wrong.

Say a prayer for my friend.

We Need To Change the Message

2008-03-02T15:19:00.003-06:00

Ellen Says It Best

Please watch....

Please help change the message.

This isn't about gay marriage or transgender employment rights or whatever. This is about you and me....being different. I from you, you from me. You may not like my difference, and I yours. But, at the very least, we should be able to face each other and say "Peace Be With You and Unto You". That is the message. Pass it along.

And Then There Were None?

2008-02-28T14:40:00.004-06:00

Another Life Lost

When will it end? I borrowed the title of the famed Agatha Christie novel because it's beginning to feel that way right now. I learned this morning of another murder of a young transgender soul. This was Adolphus Simmons. The death is slowly coming to light. It occurred over a month ago in North Charleston, South Carolina. Adolphus was shot several times as he took out the trash from his apartment. And like the shooting of Larry King, the alleged shooter is quite young. Additional arrests involving a 19 year old and another 15 year old have been made.

In the story, Adolphus is described as being well-liked by neighbors and friends, even if he was a bit different. He is described as a gay male who wore women's clothing and styles. I don't know if this is an attempt at denying his existence as a transperson or not. Frequently media, with the complicity of family members, don't include a transgender's name, only the "past" identity. It is rather demeaning to be denied your existence even in your death.

By my count, this is the sixth...the SIXTH...transgender murder in 2008 and there's yet another day to go before we exit February. The average in the United States over the past several years has been around one transgender murder per month. It's even been a little less than that the past couple of years. In just two months, we've tripled that average. I most sincerely pray it doesn't continue.

The 19 year old that was arrested, Jackuez Witherspoon, charged as an accessory after the fact. Police say he tried to conceal the assailant's identity. What is troublesome is that his minister came rushing to his defense, "He was around the corner with some boys and they heard shots and ran over to see what happened," Rev. Clary Samuels said. "He's a good boy. I can vouch for him. I don't know how he got pulled into this." Witherspoon is also a suspect in the break-in of Adolphus's apartment earlier in the month. My guess is that Witherspoon isn't an innocent as the minister suggests. I hope I am wrong. I also hope I am wrong about my gut feeling regarding Rev. Samuels.

I wish I had met Adolphus. He was described as jovial, a jokester, always laughing, someone who wanted to pick up your spirits. Those are the people I would like to know, not the moralists who preach that Adolphus and me and all those with non-conforming gender presentations are of no value.

Sometimes It Is Hard

2008-02-27T08:37:00.003-06:00

Why Him and Not Me?

I read a story this week about Kaing Guek Eav (or Khang Khek Iue according to Wikipedia), who is now 66. He who was a leading torturer of the brutal Khmer Rouge regime that terrorized Cambodia at the end of the 1970's. Known as "Comrade Duch", he facilitated the torture and murder of thousands of people at Tuol Sleng, a former high school converted to serve his heinous purpose now a museum establish to always remember the cruelty committed there.

"Duch" is now on trial for his complicity in the regime and this story tells of his return to Tuol Sleng and how he fell to his knees is tears and prayer as he toured his home of horror. The story then mentions that "Duch" is now a Christian.

For four years, the Khmer Rouge killed, tortured or forced into deplorably harsh slavery people they considered to be "enemies". This included professionals, intellectuals, anyone connected with the former government, suspect agents of other countries, ethic Chinese or Vietnamese trapped in the country, Muslims, Buddhist monks and yes Christians. Oh yeah, LGB and T people, too. In all, nearly two million people lost their lives. The Oscar winning movie "The Killing Fields", is a vivid, true depiction of that incredibly horrible time.

I am glad that "Duch" is finally facing justice. I am also glad that he has experienced a profound changed in his once black heart. This is, in fact, part of the Christian belief...the concept of powerful transformation of the soul.

What bothers me, though, is that somewhere, someone - a Christian or a Christian church - had to accept this murderer into their care to minister the Christian way to him. I'd be willing to bet that there are those who would hold up his conversion as testament to God's power to forgive, to transform, to love. But why him and not me?

I have killed no one. I have tortured no one. I have done my utmost to lead and live a responsible, caring and involved life. And yet in so many thousands - millions - of Christian homes, I would not be welcome, I would be - and am - specifically excluded. There are those that will suggest that I will be headed to Hell in eternity, but because "Duch" has somehow magically made his atonement that he will find the Pearly Gates open.

This is the part of Christianity - my faith - that I don't understand. I must accept "Duch" now as a Christian. In fact, I must Welcome him. Sometimes it's hard.

Remembering Lost Lives

2008-02-22T21:46:00.010-06:00

For Larry, Ian and Cameron

Tonight I attended a vigil to remember the life of Larry King,
the young gay/transgender 15 year old murdered by a classmate
in Oxnard on February 12th. Some of thehigh schoolers here in
Kansas City organized the event held at a very caring church,
Broadway Church. If I were to need a second faith home, this
engaging congregation would be my choice.

I was humbled by the endeavor undertaken by our youth and I was
embarrassed to stand with them as it is my generation that has
failed them. We must remember that Larry's murderer, a 14 year
old, had to have been taught this hate, this fear, this
disregard for someone unlike himself to have acted in such a
violent manner. For that, I apologize to the youth of my
community. It will be up to them to take on Larry's courage,
the courage he had to be openly gay and wear makeup and heels,
to work for the end of such hatred.

And as we added Larry's name to that of Brandon Teena, Gwen
Araujo and Matthew Shepard, all young lives cut so tragically
short, but now not forgotten, I recalled two other transgender
youth whose lives ended within the last few months and whose
names you are likely not familiar. They both died at their
own hands - but to me this only reflects the pain inflicted
upon them by our society's continuing harrangue for those
who are different.

The first is Ian Benson, a 16 year old who had wonderful
family support. His mother is a founder of TransYouth Family
Advocates. His suicide was seemingly a surprise, he left no
note of explanation. But we've all felt the overt condemnation
- and thus it is no surprise. TYFA has now started the Ian
Benson Project and the Amethyst Ribbon Campaign to raise funds
and awareness for transgender youth who are at an alarmingly
high risk for suicide.

The other is Cameron McWilliams. Cameron lived in South
Yorkshire, England where support for transgenders is about
on par with that here in the United States. According to
Cameron's mother, he had been interested in girls things for
most of his life. He was quiet, shy and mostly a loner with
few friends. Caught once wearing some of his half-sisters
clothing, the harrassing began. His mother did by him some
girls panties to wear underneath his outwardly male clothing.
But he recently pressed for more - to wear makeup, to be a girl.
His mother, who had little knowledge of her child's true needs,
declined the plea. Last week, Cameron was found hanged in his
bedroom.

Cameron was only 10 years old.

It may take a village to raise our children, but it is
that same village that is killing some of them, be it by the
hands of others or the actions of themselves. We can no longer
afford to fail our youth. We can only hope our youth will do
better than we have.

I'm Not a Dis

2008-02-19T08:09:00.005-06:00

On Being Used to Demean Others

I don't know when this happened, but it has now become commonplace to question someone's gender identity as a means to debase or discredit them. I first came across this with some liberals questioning the gender status of conservative harpy Ann Coulter. Now, I'll make it clear, I am no fan of her politics or her methods of expressing those views. But I've read commentaries on the anonymous blogosphere that suggest she is transgender. I've even seen a picture with a highlight window focused on her throat - ostensibly pointing out an "Adam's Apple", which, for most women is not prominent while is it usually very prominent for men, hence "Adam" and not "Eve's" apple.

Why is this a dis? Why is my existence so horrible as to suggest something inherently wrong or evil or whatever as to be of value as a measure of something deplorable in someone else? And it's not just liberals ranking on Coulter. I have also read the same thing offered by conservatives aimed at Hillary Clinton during this presidential race. Again, this isn't a question of politics, I'm not particularly fond of Mrs. Clinton either. But it is frustrating that it seems like the "perfect" slam, particularly on a woman, to suggest or joke that she is transgender. Ha, Ha, Ha...that was a "good one"!! Why?

Neither Ms. Coulter nor Mrs. Clinton are transgender. And neither is Lisa Jeynes, a British model who participated in the reality television production Big Brother 4 in 2003. The program places strangers together into a large living arrangement, then week by week one or two is eliminated by the others, a format that is at the basis of Survivor, The Great Race, Apprentice, etc. It seems that as part of the build up to the fourth season of Big Brother, there was "rumor" that one of the participants was a transgender. Interesting that the automatic assumption was that it was one of the women.

She sued a British publication - many of whom put the New York Post to shame for outrageousness - Love It! because they "quote" her as having her "fake boobs" falling out on a date with one of the other participants. They also called her a "geezer", a term I don't think connotes gender identity issues. Against the backdrop of the transgender rumor, she felt this meant they were labeling her as trans. Now her suit was tossed out by the courts - they cited it was a big stretch to take that comment and tie it to being labeled as a tranny - but the point remains why would this be "libelous" in the first place?

I guess in some ways I should be complimented many people find one, two or all three of these women attractive. And this, I guess, demonstrates that people are becoming more aware of transgenders, which is also an improvement from years past. But by being used as a "dis" its obvious there is much more education to be done.

Opportunity or Tokenism?

2008-02-04T07:48:00.000-06:00

The Other Side of Inclusiveness

This is one of those essays where I need to "think" out loud. But this has been bugging me for the past month or so, spawned by three invitations to participate with LGB and T efforts. There was a commonality to those invitations. They wanted "a" transgender involved. "A"? As in One? And Only?

Now, I'll be honest in acknowledging that I am truly honored to be someone who has been sought out to join these efforts - all three are most noble and needed. I did join two of the efforts - one an advisory council, the other a temporary situation on updating a inclusiveness statement. And I really would have like to have been involved in the third one, I think the effort is one where much good can be done for the LGB and T community, but I needed to put a limit somewhere to what I can take on.

And I'll acknowledge that Transgenders are clearly the minority within the minority. There just isn't that many of us, and thus those of us who can or do serve community needs are in high demand. Organizations that say they are "LGBT" are realizing that they need to have a T component to their boards, councils and staff. I also understand that many transgenders wish nothing more than to disappear into their new life, but it further reduces the number of those who are getting involved. Yet more need to come forward.

I have long admired those who perservered in the pursuit of justice and equality. The thought that I could do such work never really presented itself until after I transitioned. But I'm getting tired, I'm getting burned out, I simply can't be a "professional tranny"....I, too, wish to sometimes simply disappear into my life.

Planes, Trans and Automobiles

2008-01-26T22:09:00.000-06:00

On Invisibility and Vulnerability

OK, admit it, you either read "Trains" in the title of this essay or you thought I'd made a typographical error. Gotcha! :-)

Part one of this entry concerns how invisible society places us, or how we place ourselves. People simply do not want to see us, want to know about us. We are fired from our jobs, disconnected from our families, abandoned by our friends and shunned by many religions. We do our best to "blend in" so that others don't "see" us, but it isn't always possible. "Passing" is a sad reality for transgenders, especially male-to-females.

As noted in an earlier essay, many of us prefer to go "stealth" in our lives. I'm not into forcing people to live their lives to my standards, but stealth transgenders, for me, acquiesce to these societal pressures and deny other transgenders a possible role model and deny the general society to actually "see" us. We are not ogres and monsters.

I also wonder just how much of the LGB part of the "community" wishes we were invisible as well. The non-gender ENDA flap exposed some very deeply help - maybe even widely held - transphobic sentiments with the other parts of the acronym. Recent attempts to patch things up indicate a continuing lack of respect, understanding or esteem for the T part.

Part two has to do with our legal identity. Most people don't understand that transgenders lose legal standing and rights in our country when they transition. For instance, a person cannot be discriminated against in employment if they are male or female. Yet it is perfectly legal in most of the country to discriminate - even terminate - those that must change from one to the other. How did that happen? Transitioning itself isn't illegal. Only those that commit crimes are denied some citizenship rights....at least that's what we learn in Civics classes.

As our nation progresses inexorably toward a national ID system, many transgenders will get caught in the middle. That means we would likely be prohibited from flying on passenger planes - our ID may not be suitable or complete. (Legal identification change is a complicated and qualified process, not an all-at-once design). Similarly we could likely be denied driver's licenses, or at least required automobile insurance.

Amazing isn't it? You do nothing illegal. In fact, you do precisely what the law says you can or should do. In fact, you do precisely what Medicine says you can or should do. And you become less of an American. I don't get it.

Two Leaders, Two Friends Moving On

2008-01-25T07:54:00.000-06:00

Thank You Matt Foreman and Keith Jennings


The LGB and T community this week is facing the loss of two key
leaders for equality, Matt Foreman of the National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force and Keith Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian, Straight
Education Network (GLSEN) - both of whom announced their
resignations from their positions effective later this year.

In five years as the Executive Director of the Task Force, Foreman has
directed unprecedented growth for the organization, both in terms of
financial ability and in national esteem.  The Task Force has done much,
through the Creating Change program, to empower and energize
advocates and activists on the local, regional and national levels.  I'll also
include the fact that despite the name - which they are slowly morphing
into simply The Task Force - Foreman did understand and accept the T. 
His was probably the most valued voice in opposition (quickly and firmly
expressed) to the Frank/HRC Dump The Trannies ENDA effort this fall.
Foreman will continue to work on behalf of the community as the head of
the Haas, Jr. Foundation, which according to the Task Forces' press
release provides more financial support to the community that is the
largest "non-gay" identified foundation in the nation.  He will end his
time with the Task Force in April.

http://www.thetaskforce.org/press/releases/pr_012308

Jennings not only is the Executive Director of GLSEN, but also it's
founding spirit.  GLSEN has done an outstanding job developing - and
fighting for - high school and college students to organize support clubs
at their educational institutions.  Gay/Straight Alliances (GSA's)
continue to grow on campuses throughout the nation, despite frequently
encountering hostile administrators and/or parents.  By law, GSA's
(which sometimes are forced to adopt non-identifiable titles) are
permitted at any school that accepts federal funds - which covers all
public schools and many private ones.  Today there are over 3,700 such
clubs which help foster a more secure and safe atmosphere in which
LGB and T identified students may study and succeed.  I think one of
the saddest statistics I've ever seen comes from the annual GLSEN
survey that said more than one in four LGB and T identified students
will skip school in the next month because they don't feel Safe from
physical harm.  Jennings will end his service in August, he is not
specific about his future plans.

http://www.thetaskforce.org/press/releases/pr_012308

Both deserve our sincere gratitude for their outstanding work.
Both understand LGB AND T.

A Truly Remarkable Story....

2008-01-19T11:18:00.000-06:00

...that's, remarkably, True!


Of the many challenges Transgenders must face in their transition, the
last - and for some most important - is The Surgery.  For those that need
to fully bring mind and body into harmony, this fulfills the lifelong
dream.  One has already negotiated the outing process.  One has already
negotiated the transition into the Real World.  One has spent this last
year, or more, waiting for permission from their therapist and
psychologist to finally become congruent.  And one has had to figure out
how to finance this life saving and life fulfilling journey - insurance is
of no help.  Surgeons demand "cash on the barrel head" before performing
the task.

Some are fortunate enough to have resources to fund this outright.  Most
scrimp and save, and max out credit cards, incurring a debt that can
sometimes linger for many years.  Some have no means of ever being able to
afford it - and it is they who become at risk for self mutilation or self
destruction.  Payment is a challenge usually borne alone.

Her name is Gayle.  She had been in a very conservative part of her fairly
conservative faith denomination.  I'm sure she had heard the voices of
condemnation, until she heard another voice.  Her voice.  "It's time."
You see Gayle wasn't always Gayle, she is transgender.  And she has heard
the voice we all hear.  "It's time."

Gayle is married with six children who range from elementary school to
college.  She is a nurse.  A steady, but not spectacular income.  One that
provides for the family, but also offer no luxuries either.  Gayle is
blessed with a loving spouse who is determined to remain with her.  The
children, to her blessing, are also committed to their unique parent.
Gayle transitioned a year or so ago.  Her Last Challenge, the surgery, is
scheduled in early June in Bangkok.

It is here, that this story begins.

Realizing the congregation to which she and her family belonged would
not be supportive, would certainly ostracize her and might even oust
her and her family, she reached out and was able to locate a more
inclusive congregation still within her faith denomination which is
Community of Christ.  Community of Christ accepts the Book of Mormon,
though they clearly distinguish themselves from the LDS church based
in Salt Lake. Most of the distinction is in polity, but there are some
theological variances as well.

For the most part, Gayle and her family have been well received at the
new congregation.  A few knew Gayle prior to her transition.  Most are
aware of their first transgender constituent.  And it is through these
friends in fellowship that an act of kindness and love - a miracle if
you will - has been nurtured.

Knowing the financial strain facing Gayle and her family that will ensue
following the journey to Bangkok, several members of her congregation
have banded together with others from different congregations and
different faiths to raise gifts to help defray the costs of surgery,
travel, housing and lost income.  The goal is $10,000.  To date, $4,000
has already been collected, largely from the core members of the Friends. 
I am sincerely honored to be one of the Friends.

In my seven years as a member of the transgender community, I've never
encountered such an effort for one of us.  That this has been nurtured by
people of Faith, as an expression of their Fellowship, demonstrates not
only the Spirit of their Souls, but must be the work of the Spirit we call
Holy.

This is Truly Remarkable.

Blessings to these Friends.
Blessings to Gayle and her family.
And Blessings to You today....

Based on What?

2008-01-09T11:56:00.000-06:00

Catholic Hospital Refuses Transgender Surgery

Reports from the Bay Area this week have detailed the situation faced by Charlene Hastings, a 57 year old transwoman who desired breast augmentation. She had engaged the services of a plastic surgeon, Dr. Leonard Gray, who was willing to provide the procedure, but the hospital to which he was affiliated, Seton Medical Center, balked.

Seton Medical Center is a Catholic institution run by the Daughters of Charity and they hold that providing any surgical procedure for a transgender is “against their religion”.

Now, I don’t want to get into a battle of beliefs, nor demean those beliefs expressed by the Catholic church – which is notoriously unfriendly to transgenders – or the hospital. But my question, as should be the question asked every time someone cites their faith for a reason for their actions, is “Based on What?”. In this case, where is it in the Bible that prohibits gender transformation?

The best argument that is usually offered is that 'God made you a Man' (or Woman) and that’s that! And yet, if you’ve perused and considered the Lessons offered through this blog, you will find that there is nothing in the Bible that says one can’t change, that the Bible is incomplete regarding gender and that there may even be citations for encouraging and supporting gender transition. In reality, the gospels of Mark, Matthew, Luke and John relate narratives that are entirely about transformation.

Ms. Hastings has engaged the services of an attorney and is suing for discrimination. According to Kristina Wertz of Transgender Law Center, California law – which in general is the most supportive for gender identity or expression – allows religiously based medical facilities to deny abortion services, but there is no such “exemption” for denying transgender surgeries. And it should be noted that, in this case, this isn’t “The” surgery (i.e. Gender Reconstruction Surgery), which may also factor into the legalities.

What other procedures would Seton deny Ms. Hastings based on her status as a transgender woman? Probably not an appendectomy – that happens to anyone. But what about a mastectomy to deal with an estrogen-fed breast cancer - that isn't likely to occur to a male?

In a larger sense, I keep reading and hearing that phrase – “its against my religion”. When you hear that, ask the person, “based on what?” and wait for your answer. There is a lot in the Bible that we no longer follow. Most people have no idea what “their religion” truly says.

Goodbye to 2007

2007-12-31T17:51:00.000-06:00

The Ups and Downs of the past year

Like any year, this past year had its good parts and its not so good parts. And yet another year passes....just as the next will pass in due time. For me, upon recollection and reflection, it has been a mostly positive time.

I lost my father to a very lengthy illness in July. It was amazing he'd survived this long, but I am thankful he did. It gave us time to reconnect and heal our broken relationship. I truly admired him, and so did the many people he touched through PTA, Little League, DeMolay, AFSCME and the Masons. Transgenders frequently are alienated or cutoff from family.

One major disappointment was the experience surrounding the Employment Non-Discrimination Act in the fall. The notion of a trans-exclusive bill opened some secreted gaps in the LGB and T "community". While it was difficult to see us get essentially blamed for holding the LGB's back, it was much harder so see what many said about us. Don't buy into the Stick and Stones thing....yes, Words DO hurt. It was even sadder to see the Matthew Shepard Act - approved by both the Senate and the House - get derailed with political worries. Hopefully 2008 will shine brighter on both desperately needed pieces of legislation.

A mixed blessing has been the many opportunities I've had to offer better understanding of transgenders to many here in the Kansas City area - service groups, universities and community colleges, high schools and faith groups. It is quite flattering to be asked so frequently. But it is also a bit frustrating to be cast into the role of the Town Tranny. Shortly after I arrived in Kansas City, I met a terrific transman, who had become well known locally. He said to me, "Looks like its your turn to be the Face of Transgenderism." I have a better appreciation for that comment. I am not ashamed of who I am. I will always acknowledge my past. But sometimes I'd just like to be known as Donna ^person^ and not Donna ^transwoman^ .

One major highlight - which actually is two highlights - was a trip to the Bay Area for my youngest daughter's wedding. It was a joyous time and one in which I was warmly and richly included. The bonus was meeting the guiding light, Rev. Lawrence Reh, of First Light, a Yahoo group for LGB and T people of Faith. First Light has proved to be an enlightening and supportive resource. And I enjoyed our hug.

Another highlight was the Father's Day weekend trip in June. Yes, I did get to have dinner with my Dad - closing a circle that started on Father's Day of 2004. But most wonderfully, I witnessed the graduation of my eldest daughter from Rogue Valley Community College in Grants Pass, Oregon that same weekend. She is now doing well at Portland State.

A common theme for me is the blessing of my daughters - two truly outstanding young women.

On the faith front, I was honored to be the first transgender to provide the Children's Sermon at my church. Twice! And I had a moving experience providing the Trans 101 talk to the Academy of Welcome in November. It is hoped this effort by the Kansas City Coalition for Welcoming Ministries will become an annual affair. I also enjoyed an encore invitation to the annual GALA retreat, this time just outside of Lawrence, Kansas. The fellowship shared with these extraordinary members of Community of Christ is a genuine gift for me. Lastly, our church called a new permanent pastor. I have been impressed. Perhaps now I'll seek that Baptism I never received as a child.

On to 2008.

Right People, Right Time

2007-12-17T19:09:00.000-06:00

Today is for Lynne

It dawned on me well before I found faith, that as my transition
progressed, the Right Person came into my life at the Right Time.

My first therapist, Julie, selected because she actually answered her
phone (I was so scared to even leave a voice mail that morning!), was,
unbeknownst to me, one of the best regarded therapists.  She had
developed an opening in her practice just that week.  I engaged her.
She was full again.

My "big" sister, Teri (now Michelle), who I met at that very first
support group dinner.  She guided me through my first fulltime
experience at a gathering in Port Angeles, Washington called Esprit
Gala.  She was so much my role model.  Odd then, that I became her
inspiration a couple of years later.  Her transition had been
uncertain for many years.  Teri hadn't attended one of those dinner
for about a year.

It was Teri who suggested I see Patti, an electrologist.  Patti would
become friend, surrogate therapist, sister and yes zap those pesky
facial hairs.  She had served the trans community for more than a
decade and knew as much or more than anyone.  It was Patti who
recommended my surgeon. Patti no longer does much electrolysis
...deferring to arthritic hands. She remains a dear friend.

Heather, my second therapist, got both the worst and the best of
that process.  I'd known her for just a couple of months - getting
the resolve to face my parents - when my world collapsed.  She
patiently, but persistently pushed me to more in-depth assistance
after That Night.

One other special woman - isn't it interesting they are all women
- was Lynne.  Four years ago on this date, I entered the doors to the
suicide recovery program.  It had been recommended twice that I be
hospitalized 24/7.  It was something, that for me, meant utter defeat
and thus I resisted, even though I knew I needed the help.

So following Heather's encouragement - and her promise to keep up
with me - I went to the center where I met Lynne, one of the principal
therapists on staff.  For two hours, I cried, I explained, I related,
I surrendered.  At the end Lynne said "I don't think you need
hospitalization."  I had actually timed my visit so that I could be
admitted and not miss much work (I'd done a lot of stuff ahead of
time in anticipation) or hockey games (my one remaining shred of
personal value) even if I did mean that I might miss Christmas with
my family.  I was confused, but glad by her decision.

I would enroll in daytime classes for six hours a day.  Believe it
or not, but I actually would go into work early, go to therapy,
then return to work for another hour or so during this time - which
turned into nearly six weeks.  Lynne would teach a couple of the
classes along with daily "check-in" twice a week.  There were others
as well.  Diana, with the quirky sense of humor but incredibly
patient heart.  Tom, a bit of an odd duck that had an air of
optimism about him.  Ken, the teddy bear and uncle.  And Loree,
the quiet, probing, yet exceptionally insightful art therapist.

Lynne had enrolled me in Art Therapy.  I groaned.  "I can't draw
stick figures!"  I'm as artistic as a dirt clod.  And it was in Loree's
class that much of my situation became more clear.  I don't dismiss
art therapy any more.  And I still have those art projects.

While the program itself didn't provide my ultimate resolution
- that would come only after breaking down and finally telling my
parents - it did provide me with the needed time, and a better
understanding of how I had gotten so incredibly desperate.
And Lynne's guidance proved pivotal in all of that.

I've mentioned the night - the eve before Thanksgiving 2003
- that I hurt myself.  Believe it or not, that was NOT - at least
in my mind - my most dire moment.  That actually came the morning
of Christmas Eve day.  Things had really gotten tense and the only
thing that kept me safe was repeating "Not Today...Not Today".
I just couldn't exit on this day and forever stain the Season
for my daughters.  Not Today, please Not Today.  When I
acknowledged my feelings at check in, I figured that was it.
When Lynne came in - she didn't do check in that day - and pulled
me into her class, which was not on my schedule, I figured it was
to keep an eye on me until......until a bed was ready.

Lynne admitted later that it was total coincidence that day,
though she was worried about my state of mind.  As I exited the
program - now having unburdened my secret with my parents - I was
very thankful for Lynne's care.  What she does - what Loree and
Diana and Ken and Tom, all of whom are still there - is incredibly
challenging.  Success is measured frequently in keeping someone
alive just one more day, getting them one more therapy session
covered by insurance.  As a nation, we do a horrible job in
caring for those with emotional struggles.

I've kept in touch with Lynne ever since, today I sent an email.
I have great admiration for the work that she does.  My time at
he clinic wasn't "depressing" as it was "disheartening".
Disheartening to see so many people in such difficult places.
I sometimes wonder what happened to them.  Lynne once mentioned
that all were still with us, but that's all she could acknowledge.
For six weeks they were my friends, my classmates, my support system.

I know now that Lynne and all the others were brought into my life
at the right time for a reason and with a guided purpose.  To quote
the lyrics of a song sung by Transcendence Gospel Choir, "I'm alive
today because God kept me." I am thankful.

My Favorite Christmas

2007-12-14T15:15:00.000-06:00

A Christmas Past Remembered

If I were to ever be granted my Christmas dream, it would be to gather family and friends at a snowbound cabin or lodge for the Yuletide. There would be a large room with comfortable chairs and overstuffed sofas. A persistent crackling from a warming fire would echo throughout. We would eat the meals collectively prepared. We would play in the snow, on the slopes. We would sing. We would share stories. We would laugh, maybe shed a tear or two. But no presents would be exchanged.

I'm no Scrooge. I love this time of year. And I won't go off on some tirade against the commercialism of the Birth of Jesus. I'm as much of a consumer as the rest. But not on this day, not for this one glorious day. Today is a time to reflect, to rejoice and to be with those whom I most cherish. If we were blessed with any little ones around, then we would certainly honor our family tradition - a personal visit from Santa to present the starry-eyed Believers with their wished-for presents. I love to watch the wonderment expressed in the faces of children as they learn, experience and explore.

This dreamt of Christmas kinda happened one year...by accident of course. It's funny that I can remember so much detail...yet the specific year is beyond recollection. My daughters were 7 and 4? 8 and 5? 9 and 6? I'm not certain. Somewhere in the years 1985, 1986 or 1987. Or not. It really doesn't matter much, I guess.

As per my family's custom, we had gathered at my parent's house on Christmas Eve. The host usually rotated between my parents and my two aunts. Thanksgiving and Mother's Day were similarly shared. This year it was at "my" house. We'd moved there while I was still in high school. It was all of five blocks from the house in which I "grew up" - from age 2 to 15. This was still very much my childhood neighborhood.

As so this Christmas Eve would be like nearly all the others. A wonderful dinner (my mother was an outstanding cook), followed by Santa's visit, followed by the exchanging of all the other gifts between the family members. My Mom and Dad were there. Both of my brothers, too, joined by my only sister-in-law at the time. My wife and my two daughters. My aunts and some of my cousins. We all have Christmas memories, and this one would have been pretty much like all the others except for a "gift" from God.....ice.

After we had gathered, a small, but sufficient amount of sleet, freezing rain and snow began to fall. It was just enough to glaze the streets and sidewalks. Being Christmas Eve, there was no chance for the city's work crews to adequately being sanding the streets. By the time we had concluded our traditional holiday expression - dinner, Santa, presents, family - it was going to be a bit of a challenge for us to get home. The solution? We would all spend the night at my parent's house!! My wife and I would use my old bedroom in the front of the house. All the bedrooms were full, I think one brother slept on the couch in the den. My wife and I and our daughters. My two brothers, my sister-in-law. And of course, Mom and Dad.

While the preparations were being made to bed the horde for the night, my brothers and I all hit upon the same notion. Mom never threw anything out. She wasn't a pack-rat or a hoarder, but she did keep much from our lives....in the garage! Yes....to the garage! Could it be?????

Yes!!!! Our old sleds were still hanging off of nails pounded into the beams along the back wall. We pulled them down, dusted them off and off we went! This was our old neighborhood so we knew where the good hills were. The best was about four blocks away. And so my brothers and I, as we did so many times so many years ago, trudged off to "The Hill", a fairly steep two block run that didn't pose a threat of any cross traffic at the bottom, which flattened out for another two blocks. On a good, icy run, you could almost make it the entire length!

But this time, it was extra special. My daughters came along as well. Imagine that, being able to share your exact childhood experience with your own children! A few other people soon gathered as well. In Portland, the snow and ice isn't always a yearly event and it usually doesn't stay for long. It doesn't matter that it is now so late into the night...the time is now!

Reluctantly, yet wearily - it's a long walk back up the hill - we finally had our fill of a childhood revisited and, for me, a childhood shared. We headed back to Mom and Dad's for the night. By noon, the ice was gone and we all returned home safely.

I'll keep the dream of the snow-blanketed cabin filled with nothing more than family, friends, food and a festive atmosphere - no gifts allowed. I'll always have the memory of that ice-bound home and sledding down "The Hill", even though I'll never be able to remember the gifts shared that year.

Pretty Birds and Pretty Boys

2007-12-09T07:55:00.000-06:00

Thoughts on the Gender Spectrum

As I sat eating lunch today, I looked out our dining room’s French doors and watched the many different birds pay a visit to our locust tree. It serves as a staging area for many of them to access the bird feeders below the deck. And several scour it’s nooks, cracks and crannies for various bugs.

Some of the birds have distinctive gender differences, some have nearly none. The male cardinal is still a very vibrant red, but the female is a more muted olive green with hints of “cardinal” on the wings and tail. The male junco is slightly darker than the female. The goldfinches have gone drab for the winter. In the summer, the male turns an electric yellow with a patch of black atop his head, while the female presents a hint more yellow on her mostly greenish body. I’ve yet to figure out if there is any gender difference for the chickadee, the Carolina wren, the downy woodpecker, the red-breasted woodpecker, the brown creeper, the mourning dove or the red-breasted nuthatch. All were visitors today during my fifteen minute lunch. We’ve enjoyed over 30 different birds in our backyard.

But the view gave me thought about human gender presentation. The first thought was Why Does It Matter? Make no mistake about it….gender presentation DOES matter and I’m not really referring to the biological requirements for many species for procreation. We utilize terms commonly ascribed to one gender to demean the other. “Sissy”. “Butch”. “Effeminate”. “Masculine”. I don’t even need to add the noun to the adjective. You know what they are.

People get horribly conflicted and frustrated when they cannot determine another person’s gender. I’m old enough to remember all the hubbub about guys with long hair in the 60’s and 70’s. I also remember there were those so angry that there were, essentially, hair bashings – gang attacking someone in order to cut their hair. Recall the character “Pat” created by Julia Sweeney on Saturday Night Live. The awkwardness and intense curiosity expressed by the other characters in the skits were more real than most people realize.

The other thought is our use of the complimentary words “handsome” and “pretty”. Men are “handsome”. Women are “pretty”. Yet we refer to the “pretty” bird – which in most cases is the male. The male cardinal is a pretty, bright crimson. The male peacock spreads his pretty, beautiful tail. Ever think of a bright blue budgie as “handsome”? Why the need to be so uniquely distinguishing for the male and female of the Human species…it doesn’t seem to be an issue for the birds?

I am certainly not advocating for a genderless society. But I do think it would be healthier for everyone - and a much safer situation for transgenders - if we became more understanding and accepting of variations than of strict binary constraints.

All

2007-11-26T07:39:00.001-06:00

Such a Simple Word, right?

All. One of the shortest words in the entire English language. And yet it seems we spend so much time and effort to determine just what it means? Merriam-Webster Online offers several definitions depending on grammatical usage - noun, adverb, pronoun, etc. - but it boils down to essentially this:

1 a: the whole amount, quantity, or extent of all the courage they had
b: as much as possible
2: every member or individual component of
3: the whole number or sum of
4: every

With news that the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) will be introduced into the Senate, the issue of "all" will once again be raised. The House passed a version that was not "all" - it added Sexual Orientation to the job protections laws of the federal government, but not Gender Identity. Now, I will first firmly state why did we need to add Sexual Orientation in the first place? Don't our laws apply equally to "all"? Nope. We need to keep defining what "all" means, I guess. In fact, its a rather bizarre twist that the Fourteenth Amendment begins with the word "all"! But in the course of our societal and governmental development we have needed to add gender and race and marital status and religion and creed to the protections of "all" that are suggested in all our laws by this portion of the Constitution.

And the same thing happens within our Christian faiths. The oft-cited John 3:16 - essentially the invitation, the promise of becoming Christian - says:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (KJV).

"Whosoever" is just a longer version of the word "All". It doesn't hold any additional conditions, codicils, amendments or qualifications. Whosoever.

But there are so many people of faith who then spend so much of their ecclesiastical efforts defining just "who" of "Whosoever" they will allow to participate within their house. Some limit the participation of women. Some have a past of excluding people of color. Some prioritize which "sins" eliminate someone, and which apparently don't (aren't we all "sinners"????). And, of course, there a some who condemn and denounce people like me and those who are gay, lesbian or bisexual.

The promise of God's salvation and grace is not based upon our being, or trying to be, perfect. It is offered knowing that we cannot be perfect.

All. Pretty simple word, if you only let it be what it truly means.

The Rainbow Connection

2007-11-21T19:19:00.000-06:00

A Daughter's Song, A Daughter's Love

Perhaps it was because we missed sharing our birth date by a mere four hours. But it was clear very quickly that my oldest daughter was closer to me than her mother. The youngest one identified more with Mom than me. There was at least balance in the house.

I recall one special night (gosh, with a child's life there are so many!) when she was barely more than a month old. We had moved from McMinnville to Eugene and my work hours had changed dramatically from the morning news shift (5am to 2pm) to the evening talk show (4pm to midnight). Somehow this tiny bundle sensed the change. She struggled mightily, according to her mother, to stay awake until I got home, but would be sound asleep by the time I got there.

Then, on about the fourth night she made it. Her mother, a bit frazzled, handed me the baby who would not sleep and once in my arms she looked up and started to laugh so hard and so loud! She'd stayed awake long enough....Dad was home! I never knew a baby that young could laugh. Some doctors will tell you that's not possible. After that night, I can tell you those doctors are wrong.

That would almost become her nickname....the Baby Who Would Not Sleep. Night after night, her mother and I would take turns rocking her in the rocking chair. And singing "Rainbow Connection" to her. We had seen "The Muppet Movie" a few months after she was born and simply adored the film and the music. Jeni would slip into some not asleep, not awake stupor. Just as we would stop, she'd awaken. And we'd rock and sing the song all over again. So many times each night, so many nights. Is it any wonder that before she could effectively put two sentences together after learning to talk, that she could sing the entire song, on key? She wasn't even two years old yet!

It was Thanksgiving weekend in 2001, that Saturday, that I told my daughters my truth. I wrote earlier that one was in puddles, the other bravely feigning wanting to learn but asking "who will walk me down the aisle." Jeni was the one in puddles. It was the scariest moment in my life. These two precious daughters - I'd spent hours with my therapists wondering if either, neither or both would keep with me. One week I was certain I would lose one but not the other. The next week it was that I would lose the other, keep the first. Both scenarios crushed my heart. The idea of losing both was something I just didn't want to contemplate. (Incidentally, knowledgeable therapists will counsel their trans clients that they will lose people from their lives - friends and family. It's only a matter of who and how many. I've been very, very fortunate).

I know that both my daughters had difficulty with the disclosure. In no way will I ever compare whether it was more difficult for one than the other...I know it was hard on both. And I may never know the depths of their challenges. I will forever remember the words Jeni shared in a television story that had chronicled my transition, "Dad, as Dad, is gone." It broke my heart to hear that, but I also understood it was her way of rationalizing the situation, her way of making sense of it all. I needed to give her, and her sister, their space to figure this out.

Now, back to that song. As everybody knows, the rainbow has become a sign of acceptance for and pride by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender peoples. The lyrics begin...

" Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide."

The initial suggestion in these words from Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher suggest that there really isn't anything "over" the rainbow. And yet, each stanza of the song ends with the hope that perhaps, through some yet to be discovered Rainbow Connection, that we will, indeed find the other side...

"Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me."

My daughter attended the candlelight vigil for the 2007 Transgender Day of Remembrance at her university. They read the entire list of transgender murder victims...nearly 400 chronicled since TDoR began in 1999. On the morning of the fourth "anniversary" of the night I took a knife to my wrist, I awoke to this email titled simply "Love You" from her:

With cold nose and hands, candle wax dripping on my fingers, and names being read with faltering voices, I realized more and more how thankful I am that your name is not on that 17 page list. I am among the fortunate. I am among those who can still pick up the phone and say I love you.

And I do.

You have a strength inside you that most can't even touch. You have faced your friends, your family, and your community and said, "This is who I am." You put yourself out there to be mocked, loved, ridiculed, but above all, you've put yourself out there. You stepped out of the shadows and have stood basking in the sun as your self--not the self so many others would have you be. I am thankful for you. You have taught me so much about my own life and my own strengths.

I see you now for who you truly are, and I love you so much for it. You are a strong and beautiful woman, and I am proud to have you as a parent. Keep up the good fight. Hopefully one day it will no longer need fighting.

I love you. -Jen.

Those years seemingly so long ago...and yet not so long ago...singing those words to the Baby Who Would Not Sleep, I think she has now found The Rainbow Connection. At least the connection between her and me, stronger now than that late night when I cradled in my arms the Baby Who Would Not Sleep and heard her laugh so heartily.

And if you think I didn't cry reading her note......I am truly blessed by my daughters.

Incredible Voices of Praise

2007-11-18T12:45:00.000-06:00

Yes, we can Sing....and these brothers and sisters do just that!

Shortly after I joined my church, I learned there were some members who sang with the Heartland Mens Chorus here in Kansas City. I attended their Christmas concert in 2005 and was instantly hooked. They are an outstanding collection of over 120 voices who sing with talent, with joy and with pride.

And I remember one of them mentioning a transgender choir that had performed at the 2004 GALA choruses convention in Montreal. I was intrigued and went home to find them on the web.

The group is the Transcendence Gospel Choir, whose home is at City of Refuge UCC in San Francisco. Through their website I was able to listen to glimpses of their award winning CD “Whosoever Believes” and was deeply moved by their skill and by the messages of their songs. I don’t know why I didn’t order the CD right then and there. I have since purchase a copy and I highly recommend it.

Earlier this year, through one of my email groups, I saw a flyer for a movie called “The Believers” – an award winning documentary that chronicled the beginning three years of Transcendence. Once again, I hit the web pronto. I found out that Frameline in San Francisco was handling the distribution of the video. I contacted them and arranged for three screenings here in Kansas City. The last of which was just a few days ago.

At each showing, it was amazing to witness that nearly everyone stayed in their seats through the credits. Attend a movie in a theater and as soon as the credits roll, seats begin to empty, rapidly.

I would encourage you to see this wonderful documentary. It’s been on LOGO a couple of times, you can contact Frameline to arrange your own showing.

And while I’ve seen it several times, I still cry at the same moments each time. I won’t spoil the film…but there are four or five points when the tears begin to well. I will acknowledge two of their songs – “I Almost Let Go” and “Bless Me”. The lyrics of “I Almost Let Go” resonated deeply within my soul and my experience. Yes, I truly believe now that “I’m alive today, because God kept me”. “Bless Me” is remarkable not so much for the message, but for the amazing solo performance by one of the members named Prado. What a truly awesome voice he has! Bobbie Jean is also a talented voice as soloist on a couple of other songs.

The CD has a couple of selections not included in the movie and also has a couple of excerpted homilies from Bishop Yvette Flunder, the energetic and powerfully moving minister of City of Refuge. I can only imagine someday visiting San Francisco and attend worship with these lovely children of God.

A Changed Heart

2007-11-15T09:25:00.000-06:00

Just one is still one More

There is a group here in Kansas City called the Kansas City Coalition for Welcoming Ministries and I am blessed to take part, though I’m not as active in planning and leadership as I would like. KCCWM began just two years ago following a grassroots, LGBT Faith training weekend. The group’s vision is “That all faith communities in the metropolitan Kansas City area will respect and welcome all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.” I came in contact with these wonderful people of faith as they organized their first event called “TRANSforming our Community”. And this was actually my very first transgender understanding presentation – which I have now offered dozens of times to various groups since then.

Recently, KCCWM organized another event called the Academy of Welcome. The plenary session was headed by Dr. Robert Minor, professor of Religious Studies at the University of Kansas and author, who is very active in talking about Scriptures and a more caring reading regarding LGBT peoples. The evening “Service of Healing” featured, among other things, a keynote from Harry Knox, the director for the Religion and Faith Program of the Human Rights Campaign. The four workshops offered were violence in the LGBT community, how to become more or officially “welcoming”, a “check-up” for those already declared as welcoming and understanding transgender. I got to reprise – although greatly revised (and hopefully improved, too!) – the presentation started nearly two years ago.

I was busy getting the projector and screen set up during most of Bob Minor’s talk, making sure the computer and everything was working properly. It’s an old occupational hazard from my years in radio broadcasting – I don’t like technical malfunctions that a little preparation can avoid. So I got set up more than an hour before my talk.

After the plenary – and I got to hear the last half hour or so – we broke for refreshments. I saw some good friends, chatted briefly, grabbed some water and cookies (incidentally…you can always feed me cookies!) and headed to my room at the end of the downstairs hallway. I wanted to be there as my guests arrived. To my surprise, a woman was already there!

We engaged in a little chit chat, this was not someone I recognized, and I asked which church she attended. She seemed rather ashamed. “I attend (a local Baptist congregation). Needless to say, I am here for myself and not for my church.” As others began to file into the room, I had time to simply thank her for her heart and left it at that.

After the workshops, we were able to share a wonderful meal and I would hear her then and as we began to gather for the evening service explain with some embarrassment “We’re not American Alliance or anything like that…we’re SBC”, she lamented. The Southern Baptist Convention is well known for its rigidity regarding LGBT acceptance.

At the Service of Healing, I was honored to read an essay from expatriate Vietnamese Buddhist pacifist Thich Nhat Hahn about a pebble sinking slowly, effortlessly to the bottom of the creek bed. The essay was intended as a meditation and relaxation. Pebbles or Stones were the theme of the service.

The evening now complete, I am face to face with my new friend in the aisle of the sanctuary. She has tears in her eyes and we shared a warm hug. Why she attended, I never asked. How she left, I will always treasure.