May I Have the Audacity to Hope?

President Obama's Inauguration Speech

There is no doubt, today is an historic day and a day in which I am truly proud to be an American. The inauguration of an African-American as our 44th President is an amazing thing to witness. I am truly moved to tears of joy this day. And yet.....

It has been a lesson learned first hand, as a transgender woman, that I am not always included. Political advocates have dropped me rather than carry me across the threshold of equal employment provisions. Social service groups have cast me aside rather than take me in from the cold - may sister Jennifer Gale now find warmth in the arms of Jesus. People of faith have not only suggested I have no place in God's house, but have built multimillion-dollar organizations to vilify me and my lesbian and gay brothers and sisters.

I heard your words today, Mr. President:

"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

The emphasis on all was yours spoken fully and forcefully. Does that include me? May I have the Audacity to Hope? Once bitten, twice shy am I. And its really more than once bitten.

Mine is a journey I wish upon no one. I followed the best advice of expert emotional therapeutic care. I did the same for physical medical assistance. I did everything by the book, and by the law. And I find a nation willing to let me be fired from my job, deny me my identity, take away the very rights and privileges conferred upon the people of our nation at birth that I had the audacity to believe would remain my heritage as I transitioned. Foolish me.

I do not seek sympathy or pity, I am genuinely happy and secure in who I am, who I have become and who I will always be. But I do seek justice and fairness and equality. Those are the very ideals upon which our nation was founded. Just give me the chance to continue participate fully in the richness and opportunity of the American experience. Show me I can have the Audacity to Hope. Does your "all" include me?

Thoughts on the "hope" of 2009

Losing Focus

I attended a meeting at my church for our Open and Affirming Task Force. The group was established a few years ago as an outreach of the congregation's declaration in the late 90's to be Open and Affirming, which is the official declaration in the United Church of Christ for welcoming lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Its lain dormant the past couple of years at the church underwent a lengthy process to call a new pastor, and we've lost a few actively engaged members as a painful part of that process.

So the meeting was to re-energize the group. One issue for the coming year will be how to formally include transgender people into the original Open and Affirming declaration written about 15 years ago. Back then, we weren't on the radar screens of discernment. As the church's first openly transgender member, there's been a slight red-face about the lack of inclusion and we're finally getting around to resolving that. You can have as many guesses as you'd like as to who will be leading that subgroup.

The other big deal is the establishment of a Marriage Equity Defense Fund, which I guess we've had for awhile now. The fund is filled by using a portion of the fees charged non-members who use our church for their weddings. Like many churches, you don't need to be a member to host your wedding at our place. The imp in me adores the fact that we are using money from straight marriages (and this is disclosed to them) to help in the struggle for Marriage Equity for all. The activist in me is deeply disappointed.

Ever since the California Supreme Court ruled that limiting marriage to straight couples was an act of discrimination - which, of course, roused the fundamentalists into action again, which led to Proposition 8, which led to the historic - and extremely lamentable - vote to take away the rights of certain peoples - it seems like the entire focus of the LGB political machine as been on marriage only.

Now, I am all for Marriage Equity. I have a friend who was arrested and jailed for her marriage application, so this is an extremely serious matter for transgender people. Another transgender woman was arrested a few years ago, strip searched and demeaned by the local authorities in Leavenworth, Kansas. I don't know of any lesbian or gay people who have been jailed. And yet, my guess is that marriage is rather low on the needs, wants and priorities of the "T" constituency of "LGBT".

First, we CAN marry - and can marry anyone. It is only a matter of where we do so. Some states allow (or at least don't formally prohibit) me to marry a man, some (like Kansas) allow me to only marry a woman. Still, there are enough uncertanties involving marriage (am I still married?) that this would clear up some potential snags - and future arrests. But for many transgender people marriage is a luxury. We need jobs, we need medical care, we need safety, we need housing...we need simple equality in all aspects of citizenship in our country. It has amazed me that I can do something the law allows, following the best medical advice I can obtain, and somehow I lose legal standing in this "Land of the Free".

Yet, we remain the minority in the minority. The L's and, more specifically the G's, so vastly out number us - and many of them don't like us anyway - that it looks like all of our political eggs are lumped solely into the marriage basket.

What do I want?

1.) A fully-inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) at the federal level. Let me keep the job at which I transition - after all I've already proven I can do the job. Let me fairly compete for any future job in which I am adequately qualified. Let me provide for myself and my family just like anyone else. Let me have the dignity that comes in this society with being self-sufficient. I am ready, willing and able to do so. Yes, there are many state and local jurisdictions that provide this fairness and I happen to live in one of those local jurisdictions. I also happen to live just two blocks away from that jurisdiction's city limits - where I could be legally fired or discriminated against. That doesn't make sense.

2.) Passage of The Matthew Shepard Act with meaningful punishments involved. The hate crimes statutes in my state are, according to one former prosecutor, largely a toothless tiger. As such, most prosecutors either won't file enhanced hate crime charges, or do so under federal laws - which exclude all of the LBGT community. These laws don't insulate anyone from becoming a victim due to their status, but it does send a powerful message to those who are thinking of engaging in those types of crimes. A person's safety is central to all that follows in life.

3.) Fully inclusive Anti-Bullying statutes for all of our schools. The annual surveys by the Gay and Lesbian Student Education Network (GLSEN) report that one in four LGB/T identified students will skip school within the next month because they do not feel safe from actual, physical harm. If we can't keep our children safe, we can't expect to be safe throughout our enitre lives.

At this point, I'll pause to point out that these first three issues would positively impact and improve the lives of ALL the "LGBT" community, not just some. And actually, they would provide coverage for all people regardless, as often straight and/or non-trans people are victimized because someone thinks they are gay or trans.

As for the T part only....

1.) GID reform. The inclusion of "Gender Identity Disorder" into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association has done more harm than good to our lives. I have been a bit cautious in finally coming to this conclusion, but I now most assuredly feel it is time to take our "mental illness" out of the DSM. Lamentably, the revision committee has already been empanelled for the upcoming DSM-V due in 2012 and its membership is stacked with people who have historically been less than supportive of caring and appropriate courses for helping us resolve our inner conflict. Worse, is that all health insurance companies, base their coverages on what is contained in the DSM. Which leads me to...

2.) Full health insurance reform. Cover our emotional therapeutic counseling. Cover our hormonal regimens. Cover our surgeries. And don't charge us extra for being transgender. I had an employer tell me that the individual health policy they would help underwrite for me would have cost a little less than $300 per month as a male, a little more than $300 per month as a female...but a whopping $525 per month as a transwoman. And I've already had my surgery!

3.) Repeal - or at least significant reform of - the Real ID Act. How can I lose citizenship status in this country for simply following medical protocol? Few people realize how negatively this law will impact them, trans or not. Bringing ALL of your legal idenfication documents into alignment sounds like a proper thing to do, but it can become a bureaucratic nightmare. With some states allowing "amended or corrected" birth certificates - but some not - then not all trans people will be able to live authentically in their current lives. With nearly all states who do allow for change requiring one be post-surgical, then the many who cannot or do not desire to have surgeries will be stuck as well. We've already seen Homeland Security out several trans people to their employers. Just ask Phyllis Frye.

4.) Nesting in with the Real ID act would be standardization of name and gender change laws. Currently this system is really in chaos - the processes are different not just state by state, but county by county. And there is too much latitude that permits judges to imperiously deny our applications. As long as we meet the basic level tests for a name change (essentially that we not be doing so to avoid criminal or civil court issues), this should be a rubber stamp.

The famed jazz singer Peggy Lee's last - and maybe most memorable - hit was "Is that all there is?". It seems to me that should now be the defacto theme song of the LGB political movement. Yes, Marriage Equity is important - as is repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act which has posed some impediments to trans people, too - but Marriage isn't the only, or even most important, battle to wage - not just for lesbians and gays and certainly not for the transgender.

HRC's Trans and Faith Curriculum

Thanks, but no thanks

The Human Rights Campaign's "Gender Identity and our Faith Communities" curriculum has finally been released. Can't say I'm very impressed and if you are a pastor or rabbi or considering utilizing this "congregational guide for transgender advocacy" please don't do it on my account. Understand that HRC has two ultimate goals in this endeavor. The first is to try to curry favor with the transgender community it so willingly cast aside, and thus alienated, by excluding us from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) in the fall of 2007. To this date, Joe Solmonese has not apologized for abandoning part of his professed constituency, but has also pledged to do it again should a non-inclusive ENDA move again in Congress. The second goal is to have you - the faith leaders - do the work they are unable or unwilling to do and that is to lobby Congress on my behalf. Thanks, but we're capable of doing that ourselves.

As to the curriculum itself, the lead editor of the project, Rev. Chris Glaser, begins with an introduction that blatantly belies HRC's past. In the introduction, Rev. Glaser writes:

"I was disappointed that “gender identity” had been dropped from the list of protected categories in the Employment Non-Discrimination Act of 2007 before Congress, however temporarily. Voicing my opinion, I was met with HRC’s commitment to grassroots education in religious communities to support an ENDA that includes gender identity when it again comes up for a vote."

Talk about rewriting history! Here's what Joe Solmonese told the Detroit PrideSource in its April 2008 issue: "In that context, did I think then that it (a non-inclusive ENDA) was best for the community that the bill pass? Yes," Solmonese said. "Do I still support that position? Yeah. What was best for our community was that the bill pass rather than fail. Sometimes it is hard for people to see the whole picture, but sometimes you are faced with choices." This is a position from which he has yet to publicly disavow. Then again, this "curriculum" isn't about trans and faith, its about glossing over HRC's past.

If you don't believe my viewpoint, then consider the advice in the Planning Your Time segment that states: "Remember that the curriculum is an advocacy training manual first and foremost. Throughout the curriculum, we have guidelines about how to cut or shorten the exercises if you are running out of time. You do not, however, want to give short shrift to the third section on advocacy training!". In other words, this is about Politics and not Faith.

The whole notion behind this blog and my ministry, Chrysalis Mission, is to bring the Transgender and Faith Communities together. I simply want transgender people to find caring and accepting faith houses if they so desire, and to help faith communities understand and welcome transgender people. I have friends who feel so badly harmed, one physically, by their faith traditions that they no longer pursue any journey whatsoever. Surely for some congregations, Social Justice work is an important part of the life of their tradition. And there is much Social Justice activism to be done to benefit transgender lives, and voices of faith are needed in this endeavor. But, HRC's outreach seems most politically unctuous.

I was simultaneously disappointed to see some transgender people participate in this effort (don't they understand the depths of the damage done?) and the fact that it wasn't completely the effort of transgender people. Major parts of this curriculum uses "they/them" instead of "us/we". This should have been written in our voice, not on our behalf. That feels somewhat patronizing. Even Rev. Glaser acknowledges this: "It is no longer sufficient simply to lump the transgender experience together with the lesbian, gay and bisexual experience. The transgender experience deserves and requires its own focus.". Then why not let us define and express that focus on our own?

One other thing chafes my sensibilities and that is the lengthy essay written by Virginia Ramey Mollenkott entitled "Seven Reasons Why Congregations Should Embrace Their Transgender Members". If the title isn't long enough for you, it takes her seven full pages to present her case - a bit too much methinks. Anyway, in her essay she tries to make the case that Jesus was intersexed and a bisexual, then says the Magi weren't really Kings, but queens. This kind of pontificating isn't helpful and won't win over many of the minds or hearts of the "movable middle". Further, it attempts to define, and thusly limit, God's omnipotence. The Christian belief, and Mollenkott is Christian, is that God's power, authority and wisdom is something that we truly cannot fully comprehend. Yet she purports to do just that:

On Jesus being Intersexed: "If Matthew 1:23-25 is read literally, the virgin birth of Jesus was a birth without male input, so to speak (parthogenetic). In that case, he was chromosomally female; and according to the Gospel account, he was outwardly male. (The male appearance, science tells us, can occur through a late-term sex reversal.) So anyone who takes the virgin birth literally must acknowledge that Jesus was intersexual (a form of transgenderism) and thus a perfect incarnation of the entire sex/gender continuum."

On Jesus being Bisexual: "If we take seriously the New Testament description of Jesus’ relationships with Mary Magdalene and with the Beloved Disciple (John? Lazarus?)(John 13:25, et al.), we might conclude that Jesus was bisexually oriented."

On the Magi (though she references a book "Our Tribe" written by Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson of the Metropolitan Community Church): "the Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson writes about the three Magi who brought their gifts to the baby Jesus. She comments that it is highly doubtful that they were kings, but quite possible that they were “queens” — and probably eunuchs and shamans. My guess is that they were people who today would be termed transwomen."

Mollenkott also at times, confuses male/female with masculine/feminine in describing certain traits ascribed to Jesus and other Biblical characters. Being transgender is about my identity, not my gender role - and it certainly isn't about making some kind of socio-political, or queer-feminist statement, religious or otherwise.

The final insult - and yes, I do find this curriculum to be just that - comes at the very end in which HRC very conveniently provides you with a "sign-up sheet" which asks you to have everyone who participated in your lessons to provide their name, address, phone number and e-mail. Yep, the ultimate end to this is recruitment for HRC.

You want to engage a better understanding of transgender people so that your church may become more understanding? Engage us, we aren't that hard to find really. Let us define ourselves, let us explain ourselves. If you wish to lobby Congress, do so with your own Representatives and Senators, you don't need to take a trip to Washington DC for a photo op on the HRC website. And understand there is so much more than ENDA and the Matthew Shepard Act that is important to our lives. Yes, both are desperately needed. But HRC doesn't tell you about our problems with the Real ID Act, the exclusion of medical insurance coverage, the need for Gender Identity Disorder reform (get us out of the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual!!!) and the many legal black holes we fall into.

So Caveat Emptor. Sure, use this resource if you'd like (there are some positive parts to the effort), but don't do it on my behalf. I can speak for myself. And so can my transgender sisters and brothers.

Making Up the Rules

A Trans Pastor is Called

This smiling face is Rev. Jay Wilson who has special cause for joy this week as he was formally called to service at First United Lutheran Church in San Francisco this week. It is always a joy when transgender people of faith are allowed to express their talents in their denominations and their congregations. Congratulations Pastor Jay.

There are many transgender ministers who serve, so in that regard, Jay's call isn't groundbreaking. But what is important is that he has had to accept a different path to ordination and call from the traditional process of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. In fact, ELCA won't ordain Jay even though they have no rules addressing transgender ministers. His call is through Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries, an inclusive group that embraces and supports the pastoral gifts of lesbian, gay and transgender people.

In the ELM's news release, I saw this statement:

"Wilson was removed from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) candidacy process due to his status as a transgender person even though there is no official policy against transgender clergy."

Now, ELCA does not ordain lesbian or gay candidates who do not renounce their sexuality via celibacy - something that I oppose, but at least that's the rule and everyone knows it. But there is "no rule" regarding transgenders? Just how then do they deny ordination to someone who is transgender?????

I was involved in softball for nearly two decades as a coach, player and umpire. Can you imagine playing softball - or any sport for that matter - whereby the umpire could simply make up the rules as they pertain to you, and you only? Just how would you be able to fairly participate or compete? Can you imagine police officers who could simply make up the rules regarding driving a car as they pertain to you, and you only? Just how would you be able to effectively and safely drive your car? Such is the situation that Pastor Jay encountered with the ELCA. And that is all any of us, clergy and laity, faithful and secular desire, to be able to fairly participate in our careers and our communities.

Other denominations have explicitly or tacitly endorsed transgender ministers, both those who transitioned before ordination and those who did so afterward. Still, the ELCA certainly has the right to determine fitness for service, but to have no rules and then deny ordination without any Scriptural or denominational foundation is absurd. I won't even grant the ELCA any lattitude for not having considered transgender ministerial candidacies, we've been around too long now with too many other higher profile cases to plead ignorance...its more like intentional ostrichism.

I began this blog to make the case that there is no Biblical prohibition to gender transitioning and I'd like to think that I have done so persuasively. In fact, I have pointed to certain verses and passages that seem to understand and accept just who we are. And I frequently raise eyebrows when I suggest I have more respect for people like Fred Phelps, James Dobson, Peter Labarbera and the like than I do for those who claim support and betray that promise, or worse yet simply make up the rules as we go along. While I do not, and never will, respect the message offered by those divisive and spiteful detractors, they at least have integrity in their beliefs, however odious they may be.

I am unfamiliar with the polity of the ELCA, but my guess is that our status within the full life and participation of the denomination - including ordination - won't be something they will consider any time soon. Accept us, or reject us, that is your choice - but don't make up the rules on the fly. That's all any of us want.

Giving Thanks

Why I am so Thankful

I am Thankful for two loving daughters who remain in my life, for many transgenders are alienated or prohibited from contact with their children.

I am Thankful for a wonderful spouse who has seen the best and the worst of me, for many transgenders lose their partners and face difficult challenges finding new ones.

I am Thankful for my church which has given me such amazing strength and support, for many transgenders are cast out of their churches or feel unwanted in new ones.

I am Thankful for the many friends who offered continued friendship during my transition, for many transgenders are quickly abandoned by those who profess to be their friends.

I am Thankful for the many new friends I have encountered whose smiles have nurtured my growth, for many transgenders are quickly dismissed, diminished or debased by strangers.

I am Thankful for a solid house over my head, when so many transgenders - especially our youth - have no such shelter.

I am Thankful for my economic security, since many transgenders are terminated from employment and have immense hurdles to leap to obtain adequate, new employment.

I am Thankful for my safety, as this year we added 31 names of transgender souls to those who have been murdered.

I am Thankful for my special sisters with whom there is our unique bond, for many transgenders are in isolation, without support.

I am Thankful for the many caring therapists who helped guide my journey and who helped pick me up when I fell so drastically, for many transgenders have no such counseling or encounter those who believe they can "cure" us.

I am Thankful for the allies who are steadfast in their support and advocacy, for there are those willing to exclude transgender people from full participation in the American experience.

I am Thankful.

Guide Us to a Place

"The Prayer"

I have been actively involved in the preparation and organization for our local Transgender Day of Remembrance gathering this coming Thursday evening. It is a deeply emotional and solemn task to undertake. As I write, there are now 30 names to remember for this past year. Most murdered simply because that they were different.

This past Sunday, I had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy the fellowship of a Unitarian/Universalist church and had the privilege of addressing the congregation about the violence that transgender people experience - murder only being the at the top of those who trangress against us.

At the service, they read the List of Names and for each I could recall the stories of their tragedies. Angie Zapata - killed for being an "it". Kellie Tellesford - her murder was acquitted using the trans-panic defense. Patrick Murphy and Stacy Brown - two transwomen in two different cities both shot in the head on the same night of violence. Sanesha Stewart - repeatedly stabbed by an attacker who gave police a "trans-panic" excuse. And for all the names, tears for each.

I began to recall a very lovely song, the music composed by Carol Bayer Sager and David Foster with lyrics in English and Italian by Guido Morra. Several versions have been performed, one notably by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli, but my favorite is done by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban.

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be Safe.

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be Safe.

We ask that Life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place
Guide us with your Grace
Give us Faith so we'll be Safe.

I find this song to be incredibly appropriate to the purpose of Transgender Day of Remembrance, especially as it engages my faith journey. Yes, we seek your grace to find a place that's Safe. For these 30 lost souls, there was no Safe.

Amen.

Do I Dare Hope?

What lies ahead?

I will admit listening to President-elect Barack Obama's victory speech and getting a little tearful. It was moving, powerful and optimistic. He stayed true to his overarching message of Hope, and a hope that for many in the transgender community had all but flickered out. I will also admit that I did not vote for him - or any presidential candidate this year - as I have adopted the philosophy that I will not support "promise" only "deed". To that end, I did not find where he had acted on our behalf - with the only exception of the inclusive Matthew Shepard Act.

His stated belief of one man/one woman for marriage - while supporting a "separate but equal" process for gays and lesbians - gave me pause. Just as his reasoning behind that position citing his Faith. This is not a commentary about his former paster, Rev. Jeremiah Wright as I understood and appreciated the fiery minister's declaration of "God Damn America". But his church was not Open and Affirming - the United Church of Christ's formal declaration of embracing LGB and T souls in the congregation. Indeed, Rev. Wright held some views that could be termed homophobic. I've yet to encounter the homophobe who miraculously embraced transgenders.

So I offer up this message to the pending President. You said "Yes We Can". Will you? Yes, we do have Hopes. Our hope is for passage of the Matthew Shepard Act so that we may be safer in our lives. Our hope is for passage of an inclusive ENDA so that we may provide for ourselves and our families. Our hope is for abandonment of the Read I.D. Act so that we may maintain full citizenship rights in this Land of the Free. Our hope is for proper medical insurance coverage and mental health reform so that we may obtain affordable, appropriate physical and emotional care. Our hope is for a leader and a government that honors our dignity, respects our authenticity and desires our talents.

Sorry to say, I won't be holding my breath. First, there are many Democrats still around from the early, heady days of the Clinton presidency. Shortly after assuming office, the Clinton administration, with a Democratically controlled House and Senate, obligingly embarked on a number of liberally minded intiatives - some with some success and some with utter disastrous results. Remember "Hillary's Health Care Plan"? In two short years, the GOP overwhelmed the balance in Congress and we have been paying for that ever since. Until today. It would be politically appropriate for President Obama and the new Congress to adopt a "go slow" approach for some issues. But one of those issues is likely to be Our Hopes.

Second, election results in California, Colorado, Florida, Arizona and some local fights, show that LGB and T issues may still be a bit politically toxic to touch. Thus, there is an additional reason to, perhaps push Our Hopes to the back burner for awhile. And I fully expect the bulk of LGB issues to predominate whatever efforts that are undertaken - specifically the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (thank you Mr. Clinton!) and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (again, thanks Bill). After the ENDA betrayal in 2007, you think Our Hopes will even remain on the back burner - or, once again, get shoved under the bus?

I will remain hopeful, for a loss of hope leads to despair. But I will be realistic in my expectations as well, for hope that is betrayed is even worse. The next step will be action, not the offer of more "hope". Yes you can...now Do.