Going to God School

Studies at the Missouri School of Religion

I apologize for being "away" from the blog duties for awhile. But I do want to write about my latest endeavor - pastoral studies, or as I usually call it "God School". I entered the program through the Missouri School of Religion Center for Rural Ministry last January and have been able to keep on track with the unique program for the entire year. This has been an amazing journey for me for sure, but also for my teachers and classmates that probably had never encountered a transgender woman before. And yes, I'm their "first" - I get a lot of "firsts" in my life.

The program is with the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) who, I would learn to overcome my ignorance, is in close harmony with the United Church of Christ. Indeed, one major common undertaking is a joint Global Ministries program. Earlier this decade there apparently was some talk about merging the two denominations.

One difference I have learned is that Disciples practice full immersion baptism (though DoC will accept any baptism performed earlier). Another is most Disciples congregations practice Communion every Sunday, while many UCC churches do so once per month. And the last difference - and what may have been the hurdle not cleared regarding merger - is full, formal affirmation of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Hmmmmmmmmm......

My first task then was to determine just how "welcome" I would be in the program. The classes are roughly one weekend per month, so we arrrive Friday evening, stay the night and have a full day of class time on Saturday. Some classes are Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Not only am I with my classmates in class, but we're together before and after, at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner. There isn't much chance to "hide" for sure.

Just prior to the first class, I talked with the director of the program who felt there wouldn't be a problem with my attending. She seemed quite pleased the school's first openly gay student had enrolled just five months earlier. I assured her my intent was to learn, not push boundaries or people's buttons - but that I wasn't going to "hide" either. If there were problems or concerns reported to her, I would be happy to leave the program.

The experience has been absolutely wonderful.

I'm on the verge of completing the first year's round of classes. There are 18 modules we must complete to obtain our Certificate of Pastoral Ministry. The program is crafted to help small, usually rural, congregations who cannot afford a fully ordained, Masters of Divinity minister to find pastoral leadership. Each module is offered only once in the three year cycle, but MSR has now developed a full load of on-line classes so that missing one for whatever reason won't cause someone to necessarily wait for another three years for the class to be offered again.

In fact, with the on-line program schedule for 2010, it will be possible for me to attend all the on-site classes and on-line classes and actually graduate in just two years. I'm going to give it a shot, even though I have thoroughly enjoyed, and been enriched by, the classes at the center.

As each class is taught by a different area minister, all with M.Div's and some with Ph.D's, I am exposed to many different thoughts, perspectives and experiences. In turn, I realize that my presence is bringing to them a unique color of God's rainbow.

One classmate, who lives north of Kansas City, is now my carpool buddy. It takes a little more than two and a half hours to get to school. Having a friend along for the drive is nice and we've had many theological, spiritual conversations. And others about more mundane things like Big 12 football, family members and cars.

Will I get called to serve a small, rural congregation here in the State of Missouri? Probably not, but can you imagine the statement that brave little congregation would be offering about God's love for ALL if they did so. For now, I'm quite content to simply learn and grow and share. I genuinely look forward to each time I am in class, with friends - no FRIENDS - who have through their welcome expressed their belief in the ministry of Jesus. Amen!!!

A Biblical Perspective

Just What Does That Mean?

A recent article about faith leaders talking about health care quoted a local minister who felt it was important for pastors to help their congregations understand the issues surrounding health care reform "from a Biblical Perspective". And I've been scratching my head ever since to understand just what that means. Now, I'll also add that this particular minister isn't a firebrand, ultra conservative type - he's known as a fairly moderate voice in both faith and politics.

There is no need for me to decry the embarrassing - and organized - vitriol coming from those who are opposed to any reform proposal - and in my opinion NOT because they might be good or poor ideas, but that they would be President Obama's ideas. Sadly, many of these voices who are trying to dominate and dictate - not discuss or debate - are from faith. So what does "from a Biblical Perspective" mean regarding our broken health care system?

Scripture clearly calls for healing of all types. Some of the more well known miracles of Jesus were in healing medical ills. Further, by his example, healing was meant for and given to all without cost or qualification. So does "from a Biblical Perspective" mean creating a system by which ALL can have access to reasonable health care? I would hope so. And that is precisely where the American health care system falls apart. That and the unbridled cost. Premiums that rise 15, 20 even 33 percent (I'm on the board of an area non-profit...these are not made up figures!) are obscene. If one uses the story of Jesus overturning the tables of the money-changers that "facilitated" access to the Temple, then the argument is easily made that these outrageous costs are also unBiblical.

My concern, though, is that "from a Biblical Perspective" is also - and in fact already is - being used by the ultra-conservative voices of Christianity. They are already raising the "specter" of surgeries for transgender people (even personally attacking one noted transwoman), the "horror" of access to abortion and forced euthanasia. Where in Scripture is this found? It isn't, but that doesn't matter when you are trying to instill fear in people in order to drain money from their pocketbooks.

Care. Compassion. Inclusion. If those are part of "Biblical Perspective" then I may be in the wrong school studying the wrong things as I work toward a Certificate in Pastoral Ministry. Those are the very reasons why I am pursuing those studies. The voices of exclusion, condemnation, hateful judgment are what kept me away from the Church for more than four decades. No longer.

I am not an expert on our health care system, nor have any ideas to best resolve the issues of cost and access. I need to leave those ideas to others. But something, several somethings, need to be done. Hyperbolic scare tactics are not the way to achievement.

Almost.....

APA shoots down "reparative" therapy

First - an apology for my rather lengthy absence, I'll try to be a bit more active on current things and I appreciate those that continue to stop by this blog.

Today, the American Psychological Association issued it's strongest opposition to date regarding "reparative therapies" for gays and lesbians - and with that likely us transpeople as well. The statement plainly states that therapists should not ascribe to this hurtful, harmful approach to helping an LGB/T member through the challenges of coping with the condemnations and conflicts posed by their faith. But the APA stops short of where it needs to go.

The statement suggests that therapists recommend celibacy to LGB/T people in faith conflicts, or suggesting switching to a different faith journey. I don't see how celibacy is a viable option - would the APA suggest celibacy to hetero people who might be in conflict with their religious teachings? Many Catholics do use birth control in conflict with church teachings for example. Surely the APA understands, and should support, the notion that a healthy, active sex life is important to the overall mental health of all of us. Yes, some are, indeed, celibate - no quibble with that. But to suggest "celibacy" is a viable option for those that do desire sexual relationships, to me is callow and probably trading one "misery" (faith conflict) for another "misery" (no sex life).

Pointing someone toward a different faith path is a bit more appealing, but, I think, minimizes the importance of one's existing faith journey. Yes, many faiths are not kind to LGB/T people in their approach to our identities and lives - but that is only one, and some might even argue, small facet to the overall faith experience. So, while better that offering up celibacy as an answer, this isn't as potentially satisfying either.

Interesting that I encountered someone today who overheard a conversation I was having with a couple of other people. "Vince" identified himself as gay - and conservative - and Catholic. And he spoke of the marginalization he felt from the LGB/T community for his political and religious beliefs. It would have been easy for me to say, "like duh!" aren't ALL LGB/T people "liberal"...and not in less than supportive churches? And that was his point - a point I understood and supported. A therapist is to tell "Vince" he needs to leave the Catholic church?

The final point here is that the APA stopped short of where it needed to go - outright condemnation of "reparative therapy" including loss of licensure for those that practice this incredibly archaic and unproductive approach to mental health. "Aversion therapies" such as those made famous in "A Clockwork Orange" have been well proven to be ineffective at best and excruciatingly harmful at worst. Many of the "techniques" used by those that practice reparative therapies - and under the cloak of "religion" hence beyond regulation or the law - are roundly condemned by the APA and others and can, in fact, result in loss of license.

Read the article in the hotlink above and you'll find that some of the reparative therapists are finding some wiggle room with this new proclamation. There should be none. Period.

N as in....

...New Hampshire, Nevada and - No.

The recent passage of the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act in the House of Representatives by a fairly substantial 249 to 175 vote was very encouraging. While 17 Democrats voted against the bill (also known as the Matthew Shepard Act), 18 Republicans supported it mitigating the Democratic defections. The law is clearly needed - a similar version is now in the Senate as SB 909 - but it is being viewed as a test case for future LGB/T votes, especially the Employment Non-Discrimination Act in which us transpeople were evicted. A trans-inclusive ENDA is expected at some point, probably this fall.

Part of the abandonment of us transpeople was based on math - that started at 30, then grew to 48 Representatives who were nervous-kneed about supporting "gender identity" in the bill. Since the LGB's willingly and publicly cast the T's aside, we've seen some others who run for cover when the opposition characterizes legislation to give us fair treatment in employment and society as "pedophile protections" or "bathroom bills". While there has been some turnover from the 110th to the 111th Congress - notably gains in the number of Democrats - the basic math is likely fairly the same.

If the nervous-kneed total 30 - the possible vote becomes 219 to 200 and ENDA passes. 48, however, remains an insurmountable differential. So will ENDA become EDA (Employment Discrimination Act - allowing everyone, including gays and lesbians to officially discriminate against transgenders) - this fall? Will Barney Frank and the Human Rights Campaign again push for an "incremental" approach to equality and introduce EDA and not ENDA? Following the House vote on the hate crimes measure, I had hopes for an inclusive ENDA, now I'm not so sure.

The New Hampshire legislature took up the issue of an inclusive non-discrimination statute on the state level and quickly cowered into a puddle of goo when it got painted by the opposition - and the local LGB leaders were unable to counter the media's acceptance of the phrase - as the "bathroom bill". In the end, no one...not one legislator...voted to keep the transpeople included into the bill - the final vote was 0-24, even though some Democrats decried how the measure was portrayed, they still caved in.

The Nevada legislature won't even consider "gender identity" at all. Their measure is sailing through Carson City, but only for gays and lesbians - and this is the home state of the Senate President Harry Reid. If eventually enacted, I wonder just how long gays and lesbians will be allowed to discriminate against transpeople before the gays and lesbians decide to "come back" for the T's.

If these two states are willing to abandon transgenders so completely, they are clearly providing cover and political excuse for Congress to abandon transgenders for a promised E*DA bill (* - it won't include the N part). Will they...will the LGB community...stand for complete equality and inclusion? I'm not going to hold my breath.

Justice for Angie

Thanks to the Defense!

The trial of the murderer of Angie Zapata has concluded with the best of all possible decisions: First Degree murder with a Hate Crime enhancement. And while it is heartening to see that the jury did not buy into the "trans panic" argument pursued by the defense team of Allen Ray Andrade...I'd like to thank them for trying!

Yes, like many other transgender women in America, I was quite nervous - even perhaps expectant - that the defense might succeed in some measure with their tactic. But what their effort did was to show to the world (thanks to TruTV's live coverage) just what this type of legal tactic entails and how we are often portrayed by others. At its very core, the defense team tried to kill Angie a second time as they never acknowledged who she was.

All throughout the trial they referred to Angie by her birth name of Justin. All throughout the trial they caller Her "him". It was very compelling watching the defense pose a question that said "Justin, He, Him" and then have Angie's incredibly loving sister respond time after time with "My sister.....". Yes, it was most painful to watch as the process unfolded. Each time the defense said the wrong name, my stomach tied into knots that felt could never be untied. But each time they did, they showed the world what Transphobia is all about - denying the dignity of a precious human life.

In criminal trials, it is a long standing tradition to blame the victim...indeed these lawyers tried to paint Mr. Andrade as the victim - the "victim" of some supposed deception. The victim is never to be blamed or diminished. History has shown that we frequently wrap ourselves up into our "righteousness" and work to demean, debase and demonize those with whom we do not like or disagree. And then we can destroy them. This time it didn't work. From this day forward we must ensure this kind of mentality does not see favor.

Even though there was periodic ineptness and incompetence in the discussions by program hosts and guests covering the trial, I do appreciate the live coverage provided by TruTV. I make no pretense to gloss over why they decided to cover this case...I know why. But the truth always shines through when the door is opened for all to see. Even many of their "experts" thought a lesser charge might be more appropriate or the likely jury decision.

Angie can rest now, her loving family will continue to struggle to recover. They showed the world what Love is all about. Allen Andrade showed the world what Hate is all about. Time for you to decide which represents you.

Now its only Five Years, actually Three

First Bulgaria, now Ireland

Less than two weeks ago, I wrote about the lack of adequate justice meted for the death of a transwoman in Bulgaria. She was chased down, stabbed forty times, had her head smashed in with a video player and despite calling her murder an "absolute desire to exterminate", the judge issued a sentence of but seven years to the "exterminator". And yet the Bulgarian judge is still a couple of years ahead of his counterpart in Ireland.

Vincent Murtagh, an apparently homeless man attacked a transwoman/crossdresser with whom he had a one night stand after meeting her at a nightclub. The news story <click here> describes the victim as "a male nurse, dressed in a miniskirt, high heels and makeup. He was a Filipino emigre working in Dublin. Once in the apartment, the story says the victim did acknowledge that he was male but that didn't seem to matter.....then. Four days - DAYS - later, Murtagh returned but this time it was to slash his neck, not once but twice. Despite some quick responses to his cries for help, he died.

So what was the "motive"? Murtagh was "in great turmoil" at having what he felt was a "gay" encounter and just had to eliminate - nay, exterminate - the person with whom he'd been with only a few days before. The judge, buying into this gay panic or trans panic defense, gave Murtagh a sentence of only five years - then suspended the last two. Three years? That's all this Filipino crossdresser's life was worth? Its been said by others that transpeople of color are given even less regard by others, this seems to fulfill that most accurate observation.

Just where in these sentences is the value of human life? How can we as transgender people hope for any semblance of justic in life if there is no justice in taking our life? We seek equity and fairness in employment. We seek legitimacy in our legal status. We seek assistance and understanding for our medical needs. All worthy goals. But at the very least we should be able to expect a minimum of value to our lives. We're not there yet.

Almost, but not quite

Getting it right

One of the hazards of being a minority within a group - in my case transgender within the larger gay/lesbian community - is that you are never sure just how inclusive and understanding the majority is, or wishes to be. The sellout of transgenders by the Human Rights Campaign in the ENDA disaster of 2007 was probably the most egregious example of a lack of inclusion or understanding. Two more, but a bit more subtle, examples have come across my desk this week.

The first is from The Evangelical Network - an LG (B? and T?) affinity group working with "evangelical" churches. TEN describes itself as "a group of Bible believing churches, ministries, Christian workers and individuals bound together by a common shared faith, united in purpose and witness and established as a positive resource and support for Christian gays and lesbians." By not mentioning "transgender", perhaps they've already made their statement clear. But they did include a workshop at their 2008 gathering entitled "Ministering to the Trans/Bi Community", so who knows?

What caught my eye is that TEN has scheduled its 2009 gathering for Charlotte, North Carolina. Well that's a huge message - Trans Not Welcome. Or at least understood. Charlotte - like Phoenix the year before - does not have anti-discrimination laws that offer transgender people any assurance that we will have access to appropriate restrooms, not be legally tossed out of a restaurant or hotel or allow our local sisters and brothers the dignity of keeping their own jobs. Why would I want to attend a conference in such a locale? Why would I want to spend my money in support of that economy? I simply won't, so attending this conference - regardless of the program content - is a no-starter. The 2008 conference had some intriguing speakers, too.

The other example hails from North Dakota where the legislature is considering a bill that would extend anti-discrimination laws to include sexual orientation and gender identity. The bill, SB 2278, is currently listed as still in committee hearings. It would be wonderful to add another state to the list of those that are already transgender inclusive, and especially a state not known for rampant liberalism, too. And yet.....

The bill includes "gender identity" within the definition of "sexual orientation", specifically definition 19, which states: " "Sexual orientation" means actual or perceived heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality, or gender identity or expression." While this language will likely suffice to effect the desperately needed legislation, I'm not thrilled that transgenders are essentially made a component of "sexual orientation". This is a common misunderstanding - our gender identities have nothing to do with our sexual orientation - that is very difficult to overcome and it is not helpful when we don't even get that message through to our "allies". Do they really understand? Did they have any transgender input into crafting the bill? My guess is no to both.

I've often felt that the T was simply a politically correct addition to most organizations that list themselves as being "LGBT". My experience has been that many have little or no understanding of what the transgender experience is all about. While it is personally flattering to be invited to join boards or groups or committees, the invitation usually comes with the preface of wanting/needing "a transgender" involved. "A"? One? Yeah, sometimes I feel like a token.

Transphobia is present in the LGB part of the community. And there certainly is Homophobia within the trans community. Both are sad commentaries on our alliance. The truth remains however that LGB/T groups are dominated by the L's and the G's and as such issues and needs most important to them take precedent. I just with they'd get the T part right when we are included.

Kinda P-oed

Two Stories

As someone who tries to advocate and educate about the transgender experience, I try my best to keep up to date with the new of and about our community. Sometimes it's not an easy read. Yesterday, two stories wound up in my news box that caused a lot of frustration and anger.

The first came out of Bulgaria via a story in Der Bild from Germany which reports that a murderer of a transwoman has received a seven-year sentence for causing that death:

"A 20-year-old Bulgarian man has received a seven-year sentence for killing a transvestite by stabbing him 40 times and smashing his head with a video recorder. The judge at the Hamburg court referred to the murder as an "absolute desire to exterminate", although he had "no motive". The man allegedly chased his 31-year-old victim through his apartment with a 30cm-long knife after an argument. He then started stabbing him, and when the body continued to move he smashed his head with a video recorder."

Seven years? Is that all our lives are worth? And "no motive"? I'll admit I'm not up on the nuances of Bulgarian law, but what is "no motive" when he chases her around the room, stabs her FORTY times and then bashes in her head with a video recorder. Don't think this is unusual or just some expression of prejudice from Bulgaria, these incredibly light sentences - if any is given at all - are also prevalent here in good ol' America as well. And don't think the brutality of this murder is anything unusual either - in fact, its quite typical. What is it about our lives that causes so much anger and violence? Sad.

The other story that got me down was from Illinois in which the state will apparently allow a transperson's birth certificate to be authoritatively changed only if their genital surgery was performed here in the United States. According to this story, the law that permits obtaining a corrected birth certificate was inaugurated in 1961, but four years ago an "administrative rule" changed the process to limit it to "Buy American" surgeries only. Again, WHAT?

Where a person has their surgery should have absolutely no bearing on this part of our transitional journey. Like the women in the story, I had my surgery in Thailand as well. The surgeons are talented, the care is professional, the cost is substantially less and most use a "one-step" process. Most surgeons in the United States do the surgery in two steps - a vaginoplasty, then three to six months later the labiaplasty. This is an unnecessary process in my view, increasing cost, travel issues and risk. So why would my surgery not count, but those done by surgeons here do? It's a bit reminiscent of the fallacy of the early estimates of the prevalence of transgender lives about thirty years ago. It was based on those who had "Buy American" surgeries only. Under that definition, I wouldn't be counted - and neither would those who, for their own legitimate reasons, do not have surgery.

I am thankful the ACLU of Illinois is aiding these women in their effort to gain authenticity. For what its worth, the ACLU has been most diligent in its efforts to obtain legal justice for transgender people. My local chapter aided a dear friend when she was arrested and jailed overnight for getting married.

Tomorrow will be another day, perhaps with some uplifting news from the transgender community - perhaps not. I just wish the difficult news wasn't so tragic or unnecessary.

May I Have the Audacity to Hope?

President Obama's Inauguration Speech

There is no doubt, today is an historic day and a day in which I am truly proud to be an American. The inauguration of an African-American as our 44th President is an amazing thing to witness. I am truly moved to tears of joy this day. And yet.....

It has been a lesson learned first hand, as a transgender woman, that I am not always included. Political advocates have dropped me rather than carry me across the threshold of equal employment provisions. Social service groups have cast me aside rather than take me in from the cold - may sister Jennifer Gale now find warmth in the arms of Jesus. People of faith have not only suggested I have no place in God's house, but have built multimillion-dollar organizations to vilify me and my lesbian and gay brothers and sisters.

I heard your words today, Mr. President:

"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

The emphasis on all was yours spoken fully and forcefully. Does that include me? May I have the Audacity to Hope? Once bitten, twice shy am I. And its really more than once bitten.

Mine is a journey I wish upon no one. I followed the best advice of expert emotional therapeutic care. I did the same for physical medical assistance. I did everything by the book, and by the law. And I find a nation willing to let me be fired from my job, deny me my identity, take away the very rights and privileges conferred upon the people of our nation at birth that I had the audacity to believe would remain my heritage as I transitioned. Foolish me.

I do not seek sympathy or pity, I am genuinely happy and secure in who I am, who I have become and who I will always be. But I do seek justice and fairness and equality. Those are the very ideals upon which our nation was founded. Just give me the chance to continue participate fully in the richness and opportunity of the American experience. Show me I can have the Audacity to Hope. Does your "all" include me?

Thoughts on the "hope" of 2009

Losing Focus

I attended a meeting at my church for our Open and Affirming Task Force. The group was established a few years ago as an outreach of the congregation's declaration in the late 90's to be Open and Affirming, which is the official declaration in the United Church of Christ for welcoming lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Its lain dormant the past couple of years at the church underwent a lengthy process to call a new pastor, and we've lost a few actively engaged members as a painful part of that process.

So the meeting was to re-energize the group. One issue for the coming year will be how to formally include transgender people into the original Open and Affirming declaration written about 15 years ago. Back then, we weren't on the radar screens of discernment. As the church's first openly transgender member, there's been a slight red-face about the lack of inclusion and we're finally getting around to resolving that. You can have as many guesses as you'd like as to who will be leading that subgroup.

The other big deal is the establishment of a Marriage Equity Defense Fund, which I guess we've had for awhile now. The fund is filled by using a portion of the fees charged non-members who use our church for their weddings. Like many churches, you don't need to be a member to host your wedding at our place. The imp in me adores the fact that we are using money from straight marriages (and this is disclosed to them) to help in the struggle for Marriage Equity for all. The activist in me is deeply disappointed.

Ever since the California Supreme Court ruled that limiting marriage to straight couples was an act of discrimination - which, of course, roused the fundamentalists into action again, which led to Proposition 8, which led to the historic - and extremely lamentable - vote to take away the rights of certain peoples - it seems like the entire focus of the LGB political machine as been on marriage only.

Now, I am all for Marriage Equity. I have a friend who was arrested and jailed for her marriage application, so this is an extremely serious matter for transgender people. Another transgender woman was arrested a few years ago, strip searched and demeaned by the local authorities in Leavenworth, Kansas. I don't know of any lesbian or gay people who have been jailed. And yet, my guess is that marriage is rather low on the needs, wants and priorities of the "T" constituency of "LGBT".

First, we CAN marry - and can marry anyone. It is only a matter of where we do so. Some states allow (or at least don't formally prohibit) me to marry a man, some (like Kansas) allow me to only marry a woman. Still, there are enough uncertanties involving marriage (am I still married?) that this would clear up some potential snags - and future arrests. But for many transgender people marriage is a luxury. We need jobs, we need medical care, we need safety, we need housing...we need simple equality in all aspects of citizenship in our country. It has amazed me that I can do something the law allows, following the best medical advice I can obtain, and somehow I lose legal standing in this "Land of the Free".

Yet, we remain the minority in the minority. The L's and, more specifically the G's, so vastly out number us - and many of them don't like us anyway - that it looks like all of our political eggs are lumped solely into the marriage basket.

What do I want?

1.) A fully-inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) at the federal level. Let me keep the job at which I transition - after all I've already proven I can do the job. Let me fairly compete for any future job in which I am adequately qualified. Let me provide for myself and my family just like anyone else. Let me have the dignity that comes in this society with being self-sufficient. I am ready, willing and able to do so. Yes, there are many state and local jurisdictions that provide this fairness and I happen to live in one of those local jurisdictions. I also happen to live just two blocks away from that jurisdiction's city limits - where I could be legally fired or discriminated against. That doesn't make sense.

2.) Passage of The Matthew Shepard Act with meaningful punishments involved. The hate crimes statutes in my state are, according to one former prosecutor, largely a toothless tiger. As such, most prosecutors either won't file enhanced hate crime charges, or do so under federal laws - which exclude all of the LBGT community. These laws don't insulate anyone from becoming a victim due to their status, but it does send a powerful message to those who are thinking of engaging in those types of crimes. A person's safety is central to all that follows in life.

3.) Fully inclusive Anti-Bullying statutes for all of our schools. The annual surveys by the Gay and Lesbian Student Education Network (GLSEN) report that one in four LGB/T identified students will skip school within the next month because they do not feel safe from actual, physical harm. If we can't keep our children safe, we can't expect to be safe throughout our enitre lives.

At this point, I'll pause to point out that these first three issues would positively impact and improve the lives of ALL the "LGBT" community, not just some. And actually, they would provide coverage for all people regardless, as often straight and/or non-trans people are victimized because someone thinks they are gay or trans.

As for the T part only....

1.) GID reform. The inclusion of "Gender Identity Disorder" into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association has done more harm than good to our lives. I have been a bit cautious in finally coming to this conclusion, but I now most assuredly feel it is time to take our "mental illness" out of the DSM. Lamentably, the revision committee has already been empanelled for the upcoming DSM-V due in 2012 and its membership is stacked with people who have historically been less than supportive of caring and appropriate courses for helping us resolve our inner conflict. Worse, is that all health insurance companies, base their coverages on what is contained in the DSM. Which leads me to...

2.) Full health insurance reform. Cover our emotional therapeutic counseling. Cover our hormonal regimens. Cover our surgeries. And don't charge us extra for being transgender. I had an employer tell me that the individual health policy they would help underwrite for me would have cost a little less than $300 per month as a male, a little more than $300 per month as a female...but a whopping $525 per month as a transwoman. And I've already had my surgery!

3.) Repeal - or at least significant reform of - the Real ID Act. How can I lose citizenship status in this country for simply following medical protocol? Few people realize how negatively this law will impact them, trans or not. Bringing ALL of your legal idenfication documents into alignment sounds like a proper thing to do, but it can become a bureaucratic nightmare. With some states allowing "amended or corrected" birth certificates - but some not - then not all trans people will be able to live authentically in their current lives. With nearly all states who do allow for change requiring one be post-surgical, then the many who cannot or do not desire to have surgeries will be stuck as well. We've already seen Homeland Security out several trans people to their employers. Just ask Phyllis Frye.

4.) Nesting in with the Real ID act would be standardization of name and gender change laws. Currently this system is really in chaos - the processes are different not just state by state, but county by county. And there is too much latitude that permits judges to imperiously deny our applications. As long as we meet the basic level tests for a name change (essentially that we not be doing so to avoid criminal or civil court issues), this should be a rubber stamp.

The famed jazz singer Peggy Lee's last - and maybe most memorable - hit was "Is that all there is?". It seems to me that should now be the defacto theme song of the LGB political movement. Yes, Marriage Equity is important - as is repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act which has posed some impediments to trans people, too - but Marriage isn't the only, or even most important, battle to wage - not just for lesbians and gays and certainly not for the transgender.

HRC's Trans and Faith Curriculum

Thanks, but no thanks

The Human Rights Campaign's "Gender Identity and our Faith Communities" curriculum has finally been released. Can't say I'm very impressed and if you are a pastor or rabbi or considering utilizing this "congregational guide for transgender advocacy" please don't do it on my account. Understand that HRC has two ultimate goals in this endeavor. The first is to try to curry favor with the transgender community it so willingly cast aside, and thus alienated, by excluding us from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) in the fall of 2007. To this date, Joe Solmonese has not apologized for abandoning part of his professed constituency, but has also pledged to do it again should a non-inclusive ENDA move again in Congress. The second goal is to have you - the faith leaders - do the work they are unable or unwilling to do and that is to lobby Congress on my behalf. Thanks, but we're capable of doing that ourselves.

As to the curriculum itself, the lead editor of the project, Rev. Chris Glaser, begins with an introduction that blatantly belies HRC's past. In the introduction, Rev. Glaser writes:

"I was disappointed that “gender identity” had been dropped from the list of protected categories in the Employment Non-Discrimination Act of 2007 before Congress, however temporarily. Voicing my opinion, I was met with HRC’s commitment to grassroots education in religious communities to support an ENDA that includes gender identity when it again comes up for a vote."

Talk about rewriting history! Here's what Joe Solmonese told the Detroit PrideSource in its April 2008 issue: "In that context, did I think then that it (a non-inclusive ENDA) was best for the community that the bill pass? Yes," Solmonese said. "Do I still support that position? Yeah. What was best for our community was that the bill pass rather than fail. Sometimes it is hard for people to see the whole picture, but sometimes you are faced with choices." This is a position from which he has yet to publicly disavow. Then again, this "curriculum" isn't about trans and faith, its about glossing over HRC's past.

If you don't believe my viewpoint, then consider the advice in the Planning Your Time segment that states: "Remember that the curriculum is an advocacy training manual first and foremost. Throughout the curriculum, we have guidelines about how to cut or shorten the exercises if you are running out of time. You do not, however, want to give short shrift to the third section on advocacy training!". In other words, this is about Politics and not Faith.

The whole notion behind this blog and my ministry, Chrysalis Mission, is to bring the Transgender and Faith Communities together. I simply want transgender people to find caring and accepting faith houses if they so desire, and to help faith communities understand and welcome transgender people. I have friends who feel so badly harmed, one physically, by their faith traditions that they no longer pursue any journey whatsoever. Surely for some congregations, Social Justice work is an important part of the life of their tradition. And there is much Social Justice activism to be done to benefit transgender lives, and voices of faith are needed in this endeavor. But, HRC's outreach seems most politically unctuous.

I was simultaneously disappointed to see some transgender people participate in this effort (don't they understand the depths of the damage done?) and the fact that it wasn't completely the effort of transgender people. Major parts of this curriculum uses "they/them" instead of "us/we". This should have been written in our voice, not on our behalf. That feels somewhat patronizing. Even Rev. Glaser acknowledges this: "It is no longer sufficient simply to lump the transgender experience together with the lesbian, gay and bisexual experience. The transgender experience deserves and requires its own focus.". Then why not let us define and express that focus on our own?

One other thing chafes my sensibilities and that is the lengthy essay written by Virginia Ramey Mollenkott entitled "Seven Reasons Why Congregations Should Embrace Their Transgender Members". If the title isn't long enough for you, it takes her seven full pages to present her case - a bit too much methinks. Anyway, in her essay she tries to make the case that Jesus was intersexed and a bisexual, then says the Magi weren't really Kings, but queens. This kind of pontificating isn't helpful and won't win over many of the minds or hearts of the "movable middle". Further, it attempts to define, and thusly limit, God's omnipotence. The Christian belief, and Mollenkott is Christian, is that God's power, authority and wisdom is something that we truly cannot fully comprehend. Yet she purports to do just that:

On Jesus being Intersexed: "If Matthew 1:23-25 is read literally, the virgin birth of Jesus was a birth without male input, so to speak (parthogenetic). In that case, he was chromosomally female; and according to the Gospel account, he was outwardly male. (The male appearance, science tells us, can occur through a late-term sex reversal.) So anyone who takes the virgin birth literally must acknowledge that Jesus was intersexual (a form of transgenderism) and thus a perfect incarnation of the entire sex/gender continuum."

On Jesus being Bisexual: "If we take seriously the New Testament description of Jesus’ relationships with Mary Magdalene and with the Beloved Disciple (John? Lazarus?)(John 13:25, et al.), we might conclude that Jesus was bisexually oriented."

On the Magi (though she references a book "Our Tribe" written by Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson of the Metropolitan Community Church): "the Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson writes about the three Magi who brought their gifts to the baby Jesus. She comments that it is highly doubtful that they were kings, but quite possible that they were “queens” — and probably eunuchs and shamans. My guess is that they were people who today would be termed transwomen."

Mollenkott also at times, confuses male/female with masculine/feminine in describing certain traits ascribed to Jesus and other Biblical characters. Being transgender is about my identity, not my gender role - and it certainly isn't about making some kind of socio-political, or queer-feminist statement, religious or otherwise.

The final insult - and yes, I do find this curriculum to be just that - comes at the very end in which HRC very conveniently provides you with a "sign-up sheet" which asks you to have everyone who participated in your lessons to provide their name, address, phone number and e-mail. Yep, the ultimate end to this is recruitment for HRC.

You want to engage a better understanding of transgender people so that your church may become more understanding? Engage us, we aren't that hard to find really. Let us define ourselves, let us explain ourselves. If you wish to lobby Congress, do so with your own Representatives and Senators, you don't need to take a trip to Washington DC for a photo op on the HRC website. And understand there is so much more than ENDA and the Matthew Shepard Act that is important to our lives. Yes, both are desperately needed. But HRC doesn't tell you about our problems with the Real ID Act, the exclusion of medical insurance coverage, the need for Gender Identity Disorder reform (get us out of the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual!!!) and the many legal black holes we fall into.

So Caveat Emptor. Sure, use this resource if you'd like (there are some positive parts to the effort), but don't do it on my behalf. I can speak for myself. And so can my transgender sisters and brothers.

Making Up the Rules

A Trans Pastor is Called

This smiling face is Rev. Jay Wilson who has special cause for joy this week as he was formally called to service at First United Lutheran Church in San Francisco this week. It is always a joy when transgender people of faith are allowed to express their talents in their denominations and their congregations. Congratulations Pastor Jay.

There are many transgender ministers who serve, so in that regard, Jay's call isn't groundbreaking. But what is important is that he has had to accept a different path to ordination and call from the traditional process of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. In fact, ELCA won't ordain Jay even though they have no rules addressing transgender ministers. His call is through Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries, an inclusive group that embraces and supports the pastoral gifts of lesbian, gay and transgender people.

In the ELM's news release, I saw this statement:

"Wilson was removed from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) candidacy process due to his status as a transgender person even though there is no official policy against transgender clergy."

Now, ELCA does not ordain lesbian or gay candidates who do not renounce their sexuality via celibacy - something that I oppose, but at least that's the rule and everyone knows it. But there is "no rule" regarding transgenders? Just how then do they deny ordination to someone who is transgender?????

I was involved in softball for nearly two decades as a coach, player and umpire. Can you imagine playing softball - or any sport for that matter - whereby the umpire could simply make up the rules as they pertain to you, and you only? Just how would you be able to fairly participate or compete? Can you imagine police officers who could simply make up the rules regarding driving a car as they pertain to you, and you only? Just how would you be able to effectively and safely drive your car? Such is the situation that Pastor Jay encountered with the ELCA. And that is all any of us, clergy and laity, faithful and secular desire, to be able to fairly participate in our careers and our communities.

Other denominations have explicitly or tacitly endorsed transgender ministers, both those who transitioned before ordination and those who did so afterward. Still, the ELCA certainly has the right to determine fitness for service, but to have no rules and then deny ordination without any Scriptural or denominational foundation is absurd. I won't even grant the ELCA any lattitude for not having considered transgender ministerial candidacies, we've been around too long now with too many other higher profile cases to plead ignorance...its more like intentional ostrichism.

I began this blog to make the case that there is no Biblical prohibition to gender transitioning and I'd like to think that I have done so persuasively. In fact, I have pointed to certain verses and passages that seem to understand and accept just who we are. And I frequently raise eyebrows when I suggest I have more respect for people like Fred Phelps, James Dobson, Peter Labarbera and the like than I do for those who claim support and betray that promise, or worse yet simply make up the rules as we go along. While I do not, and never will, respect the message offered by those divisive and spiteful detractors, they at least have integrity in their beliefs, however odious they may be.

I am unfamiliar with the polity of the ELCA, but my guess is that our status within the full life and participation of the denomination - including ordination - won't be something they will consider any time soon. Accept us, or reject us, that is your choice - but don't make up the rules on the fly. That's all any of us want.

Giving Thanks

Why I am so Thankful

I am Thankful for two loving daughters who remain in my life, for many transgenders are alienated or prohibited from contact with their children.

I am Thankful for a wonderful spouse who has seen the best and the worst of me, for many transgenders lose their partners and face difficult challenges finding new ones.

I am Thankful for my church which has given me such amazing strength and support, for many transgenders are cast out of their churches or feel unwanted in new ones.

I am Thankful for the many friends who offered continued friendship during my transition, for many transgenders are quickly abandoned by those who profess to be their friends.

I am Thankful for the many new friends I have encountered whose smiles have nurtured my growth, for many transgenders are quickly dismissed, diminished or debased by strangers.

I am Thankful for a solid house over my head, when so many transgenders - especially our youth - have no such shelter.

I am Thankful for my economic security, since many transgenders are terminated from employment and have immense hurdles to leap to obtain adequate, new employment.

I am Thankful for my safety, as this year we added 31 names of transgender souls to those who have been murdered.

I am Thankful for my special sisters with whom there is our unique bond, for many transgenders are in isolation, without support.

I am Thankful for the many caring therapists who helped guide my journey and who helped pick me up when I fell so drastically, for many transgenders have no such counseling or encounter those who believe they can "cure" us.

I am Thankful for the allies who are steadfast in their support and advocacy, for there are those willing to exclude transgender people from full participation in the American experience.

I am Thankful.

Guide Us to a Place

"The Prayer"

I have been actively involved in the preparation and organization for our local Transgender Day of Remembrance gathering this coming Thursday evening. It is a deeply emotional and solemn task to undertake. As I write, there are now 30 names to remember for this past year. Most murdered simply because that they were different.

This past Sunday, I had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy the fellowship of a Unitarian/Universalist church and had the privilege of addressing the congregation about the violence that transgender people experience - murder only being the at the top of those who trangress against us.

At the service, they read the List of Names and for each I could recall the stories of their tragedies. Angie Zapata - killed for being an "it". Kellie Tellesford - her murder was acquitted using the trans-panic defense. Patrick Murphy and Stacy Brown - two transwomen in two different cities both shot in the head on the same night of violence. Sanesha Stewart - repeatedly stabbed by an attacker who gave police a "trans-panic" excuse. And for all the names, tears for each.

I began to recall a very lovely song, the music composed by Carol Bayer Sager and David Foster with lyrics in English and Italian by Guido Morra. Several versions have been performed, one notably by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli, but my favorite is done by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban.

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be Safe.

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be Safe.

We ask that Life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place
Guide us with your Grace
Give us Faith so we'll be Safe.

I find this song to be incredibly appropriate to the purpose of Transgender Day of Remembrance, especially as it engages my faith journey. Yes, we seek your grace to find a place that's Safe. For these 30 lost souls, there was no Safe.

Amen.

Do I Dare Hope?

What lies ahead?

I will admit listening to President-elect Barack Obama's victory speech and getting a little tearful. It was moving, powerful and optimistic. He stayed true to his overarching message of Hope, and a hope that for many in the transgender community had all but flickered out. I will also admit that I did not vote for him - or any presidential candidate this year - as I have adopted the philosophy that I will not support "promise" only "deed". To that end, I did not find where he had acted on our behalf - with the only exception of the inclusive Matthew Shepard Act.

His stated belief of one man/one woman for marriage - while supporting a "separate but equal" process for gays and lesbians - gave me pause. Just as his reasoning behind that position citing his Faith. This is not a commentary about his former paster, Rev. Jeremiah Wright as I understood and appreciated the fiery minister's declaration of "God Damn America". But his church was not Open and Affirming - the United Church of Christ's formal declaration of embracing LGB and T souls in the congregation. Indeed, Rev. Wright held some views that could be termed homophobic. I've yet to encounter the homophobe who miraculously embraced transgenders.

So I offer up this message to the pending President. You said "Yes We Can". Will you? Yes, we do have Hopes. Our hope is for passage of the Matthew Shepard Act so that we may be safer in our lives. Our hope is for passage of an inclusive ENDA so that we may provide for ourselves and our families. Our hope is for abandonment of the Read I.D. Act so that we may maintain full citizenship rights in this Land of the Free. Our hope is for proper medical insurance coverage and mental health reform so that we may obtain affordable, appropriate physical and emotional care. Our hope is for a leader and a government that honors our dignity, respects our authenticity and desires our talents.

Sorry to say, I won't be holding my breath. First, there are many Democrats still around from the early, heady days of the Clinton presidency. Shortly after assuming office, the Clinton administration, with a Democratically controlled House and Senate, obligingly embarked on a number of liberally minded intiatives - some with some success and some with utter disastrous results. Remember "Hillary's Health Care Plan"? In two short years, the GOP overwhelmed the balance in Congress and we have been paying for that ever since. Until today. It would be politically appropriate for President Obama and the new Congress to adopt a "go slow" approach for some issues. But one of those issues is likely to be Our Hopes.

Second, election results in California, Colorado, Florida, Arizona and some local fights, show that LGB and T issues may still be a bit politically toxic to touch. Thus, there is an additional reason to, perhaps push Our Hopes to the back burner for awhile. And I fully expect the bulk of LGB issues to predominate whatever efforts that are undertaken - specifically the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (thank you Mr. Clinton!) and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (again, thanks Bill). After the ENDA betrayal in 2007, you think Our Hopes will even remain on the back burner - or, once again, get shoved under the bus?

I will remain hopeful, for a loss of hope leads to despair. But I will be realistic in my expectations as well, for hope that is betrayed is even worse. The next step will be action, not the offer of more "hope". Yes you can...now Do.

The Transgender Gene?

Science or Hokum?

The transworld is all a dither about a report in Biological Psychiatry that suggests there is a "transgender gene" that has been identified. Some suggest this "validates" our experience, others worry about tests that could prove harmful. Me? I'm just gonna be a wet blanket. Not only am I not all that excited about it...in fact I'm quite skeptical.

First, they report finding only that the gene variation (regarding a gene string thought to have impact as an androgen receptor) is noted more often in MtF's than the control group. So some/many MtF's did NOT have this genetic string and some/few of the control group did. I'm no geneticist, but I did a pretty good job in logic in college. Some is not all and neither is many. So if there are some who do not have the gene variation (which some reports have labeled a "defect" - another reason not to trust these reports) then one cannot claim this is THE cause. At best, it may be ONE cause. Or it just may be total bupkus.

Also, in reading the report it referenced the AR gene structure in how it *might* relate to "masculinity" and/or "femininity". Those are sociologically constructed gender roles, NOT personal identity factors. Many of us are/were very "masculine", just like many gay males are quite "masculine" and many lesbian women are "feminine". So once again, behavior is confused with status.

I first read about this via the BBC website - which you can find here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7689007.stm

That page will also link you to an "authoritative" study from 2000 by Professor Richard Green of Imperial College in London who said that MtF's had certain traits in common - lefthandedness, late birth order and an abundance of maternal aunts. Of course, I'm right handed, first born and had no maternal aunts.

And I recall an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about Dr. V.S. Ramachandran's theory of a "phantom pain" connection and his rather egotistic declaration ""Those who study transsexuality tend to be territorial because they themselves have made so little progress. There is no literature that illuminates the underlying mechanisms, other than psychological mumbo jumbo. And then someone comes striding in and spends two weeks solving the riddle. It must be infuriating." I don't think so, but I'll give him props for "psychological mumbo jumbo"!

As someone who offers what I believe to be a rather credible presentation on transgender understanding, I come across a lot of these studies and research efforts. Some may have merit, most probably don't. Ours is an existence that lends itself to a lot of "pseudoscience" either by those trying to make a name for themselves or by those like Focus on the Family that have a clear agenda to support. In fact, I recently gave a presentation to a local college class. One of the student's memos that were forwarded on to me was from someone not terribly supportive, which is okay by me. What is not okay was his belief this was due to a sexual trauma earlier in my life....'cuz that's what he'd heard. So here is someone who'd rather believe the phony myths because it neatly fits his biases, rather than attempt to understand the real science as we can best discern it.

Its hard enough to recognize true scientific discovery and breakthrough when we are constantly bombarded with stories such as this. In fact the headlines cite "transgender gene found!", when even in the article the authors suggest this may only be a connection. Thus we can't even trust the scientific journalism involved, let alone the authenticity of the scientists themselves. Is it really that important to find the "cause"? Isn't our collective existence and experience sufficient? Listen to us and you will learn. Those who don't want to listen are the ones bound and determined to deny our journeys by finding some "cause".

Mike to Christine to Mike

The Re-Transition of Mike Penner

Word is spreading today that Los Angeles Times Sports Columnist Christine Daniels is transitioning back to her former life as Mike Penner. Mike/Christine made a huge public splash with an "outing" column published in the Times back on April 26th of last year. Everything written then spoke directly to the common journey experienced by so many others over so many years. There was nothing hinting of something amiss. But clearly, something is amiss. Just what that "something" is will be the subject of speculation until Mike/Christine (and I feel absolutely frustrated that I must list the name is such fashion) speaks directly.

Magnanimous me. Charitably I will suggest, as I do underscore in seminars I present, that this is Mike's journey, not mine, nor that of the trans community at large. Our gender identity struggles have no one-size-fits-all destiny. For some like me, full transition with surgery is where my journey has led to my peace. Others transition, but have no surgery - for them that is not that important. Some continue to fashion their own personal peace by living a dual life. The journey is the individual's. For that, I will offer my best to Mike.

Clinical me. I know little of Mike/Christine's early journey. Who was the therapist involved? I won't necessarily criticize the therapeutic skill or care of the counselor (was there one at all?) for they must proceed as the patient presents their story. This isn't an exact science, it is possible that appropriate care was provided, that there was something within Mike/Christine that wasn't brought out or kept hidden. We are very good about hiding ourselves. But in looking at others who have expressed severe regrets or "gone back", most of the time there was either incompetant therapeutic service or none at all. Still, it is reported that there is about a four percent "regret rate" among us...is Mike/Christine in that slim demographic?

Economic me. Perhaps these challenging economic days are bringing an emotional stress all its own. The Times has endured many layoffs over the past few years. A new spartan ownership, a dwindling readership and advertising base and the current crisis may have initiated a controlling fear that he might be better served in his employment if he "returned". Employment is a major hurdle for many of us. If laid off, who would hire a transgender sports columnist? My guess would be that if his position is on the chopping block, this move won't stave off the pink slip.

Cynical me. Was this all a ruse? Nora Vincent wrote a somewhat successful book, "Self Made Man", about her living as a man for a year or so - although it's interesting that the paperback version listed on Amazon subtitles the book "One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man" and the hardcover edition says "One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back". Is it possible that Mike is going to write some kind of similar "autobiography"? The trans community adoringly absorbed Christine into the sisterhood and provided access to the top transgender leaders in the country. And we are talking about a very gifted writer.

Angry me. Mike/Christine has had every advantage that so many of us never enjoyed. Just yesterday I completed preparing the list of names for our local Transgender Day of Remembrance memorial next month. With a month remaining, there are 23 names. And so many were involved in sex work - so marginalized in their lives that this was likely their only legitimate option to economically survive. Dear Mike/Christine, this isn't a "whim". You were so darned certain with that initial column - were your doubts present then?

Jaded me. Christine became the "celebrity du jour" in the trans community. Without so much as a blink of a mascara-ed eyelash, we fawned all over her. Same thing happened with Susan Stanton. Susan, it turned out, harbored some of her own transphobic sentiments. After making hay with the Human Rights Campaign (she was introduced at the HRC's presidential "debate"), Stanton's star faded rapidly thereafter with her comments. She's argued that she was misunderstood, but the egg on HRC's face - if not hers - was most evident. Did we, the trans community, adopt another "star" much too quickly? Some of us, myself included, get our so-called fifteen minutes of fame - but does that make us any "better" than those transpeople whose transitions were in the margins or the shadows?

In the end, I'll return to the first point. This is not about me, but about Mike/Christine. But I worry not only about what lies ahead for Mike, but also for the transgender community at large.

Divided Within

Why Can't We Be Friends?

I wrote in an earlier entry, "Our Ugly Truth", about how the transgender "community" has an unfortunate tendency to divide and stratify itself - post-ops are higher than pre-ops, pre-ops higher than non-ops, all "T's" above all "CD's" (cross-dressers) and everyone higher than the transvestites. Now I've encountered yet another way we divide ourselves - the transwomen vs. the transmen.

I recently became aware of a local Yahoo e-mail group for FtM's in the Kansas City area. There is one for MtF's as well, which I joined prior to coming here, but later withdrew when there got to be too much division created by various participants. Now, as someone who has provided well over a hundred talks and presentations about Gender Identity locally, I do my best to address this from both the male-to-female experience and the female-to-male. Clearly, it is much easier for me to reference the MtF part more easily since that has been my own personal journey. I sought to enlist in the local FtM group to not only learn a bit more about their journey, but become more knowledgeable about local resources - support groups, therapists, physicians, etc.

To join a Yahoo group you access their home page and, if it is a private group - and this one is - you fill out the application box with a short blurb as to why you'd like to join. A few days later the group's owner sent me an email asking for a more in-depth explanation, which I provided even though I thought it a bit odd as I had clearly identified myself as MtF and as an advocate in the initial application. According to the owner, my application had caused a bit of a stir and debate. This was noticeable in the increase in messages for the month - which is visible on the group homepage.

Another week passes by with no further communication so I sent a note to the owner to withdraw my application. His response was that maybe I could send the FtM community information (which was also part of my reason to join) through someone else who is a member. It was yet another week before I finally got the "application denied" note from him. So I'm left to wonder why. Was it because I'm a transwoman? Was it because of something about me personally? Their homepage clearly states that "SOFFA's" are welcome. That's Significant Others (those in our committed relationships), Family, Friends and Allies. I do have local FtM friends and I am definitely an Ally. So, why?

An enduring principle, first cited by Aesop nearly six centuries before Christ, is "United we stand, divided we fall". Heck it's even the lyrics to a well-known song sung by Brotherhood of Man in the early 70's - "For United we stand, divided we fall. And if our backs should ever against the wall, we'll be together, together, you and I". It's about solidarity, it's about unity, it's about community. And yet, once again, I have to say their is no "community" within the transgender world. Amazing, isn't it? We who are so deeply marginalized by society - and even by some who are gay and lesbian - can't stand together in defense or support of ourselves.

National Coming Out Day

Taking the Leap of Faith

Today is National Coming Out Day, a time when people who have been closeted are encouraged to come into the light of life, to be open, honest and authentic unto themselves. I often talk about the fact that for transgenders, there is no "choice" about coming out - only a question of "when". For our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, coming out is a matter of sharing something deeply personal - but they look the same the next day. Not so for us. Our whole lives are radically and dramatically changed. We become a physical reminder every day of our status.

And so I would ask for your special prayers for the transgenders who come Out today - and any day. The world is slowly becoming a better place for us. As more and more transwomen and transmen come out, become more visible, more and more people find role models and encouragement in making their Leap. Laws are slowly changing as well, but they continue to spread. Currently close to 40% of the population is now covered by anti-discrimination laws at the state, county or city level. And Diane Schroer last month won her federal discrimination suit against the Library of Congress, thus paving the way for transpeople to seek judicial relief on the basis of sex discrimination.

Though written for gays and lesbians, here are some prayers for those coming out, their families and their friends. Authors Leanne Tigert and Timothy Brown, in their book 'Coming Out Young and Faithful' offer these three prayers:

Prayer for Coming Out

Creator God, I am learning things all the time.
It is a gift to get to know you and your world, your beautiful creations.
I am also getting to know myself,
and I am discovering I am attracted to members of my gender - other girls (or boys). Sometimes the things I feel are strong and deep.
Sometimes it even feels like love.
Sometimes I feel scared about these feelings.
Sometimes I feel wonderful about them.
I know that I am your creation,
and you have given me a wonderful gift in my orientation.
I pray for your supporting presence as I become more comfortable with my feelings.
I pray for your guidance,
that I may know when it is the right time
for me to let other people know about this part of me.
I pray for your supporting presence if I should be rejected,
knowing that you, God who created me, will not reject me,
that you will affirm me as part of your beautiful creation.
In your trust. Amen.


Parent's Prayer

God you are the creator of the universe.
You created all that is.
You made the animals, and the fish and the birds,
you created humanity.
You created me
and you created the miracle that is my child, whom I love deeply.
I/We have just learned that s/he is gay.
I/We don't know why you created her/him this way
Help me/us not only to accept him/her
but to fully embrace and love him/her for who he/she is
I/We ask for your presence during my/our own journey with my/our daughter/son.
I/We also ask for your presence
and special protection with my/our child on her/his journey in this world,
which can sometimes be so cruel,
especially to one so different.
I/We ask your blessing on my/our family.
Amen.


A Friend's Prayer

Loving Spirit and Friend,
my friend (name) is coming out as gay.
I ask for you to be present with my friend,
to help him/her know that s/he is loved - by me, by you, and by others.
Guide my friend as s/he comes to terms with his/her identity.
Protect her/him from the cruel things people may say or do;
surround him/her with support and with your love.
Amen.

I have recently had the mothers of two transpeople contact me. One is the parent of a transwoman in her early 20's, the other of a transman still in his late teens. Both express more concern from society's antipathy and bigotry about us and how that may affect their children than the fact they're having to learn to accept their "new" child. I hope each has learned a bit more about the journey and that transpeople can and do lead healthy, productive lives. Continuing to hide, continuing the charade, continuing to bow to society's pressures is what causes destruction of the soul. Be well, be open, I hope you long bask in the light of Life.