Thursday, August 30, 2007

This is God's Plan for Me

Psalm 139:1, 13-16

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

As I freely acknowledged at the outset of these lessons, I am not a theological scholar and I had not been in a church for my own spiritual pursuits for nearly four decades. I did not read the Bible, I was very much Scripturally illiterate - and with no intention of ever correcting that status. So it was only two years ago, in my new life, that I finally came across this passage at the urging of a friend. I cried. It now made sense. This is why I'd never heard God's voice until after I had transitioned. My days had been ordained and unless, or until, I accepted this plan, there would be no message of "Welcome Home, Donna". Yes, I most resolutely believe now that this was God's Plan for Me all along. That God's Plan meant I would spend part of my life as a man, and part of my life as a woman. Upon my acceptance of my transition, I would then receive God's acceptance.

Native American cultures referred to the transgender as "Two-Spirited". Many other pre-Christian faiths also speak of gender transformation. It is interesting to note that Christianity and Judaism are basically the only major world religions or faith beliefs that have no narratives about gender transformation. That is outlined in a later lesson. The point here is that transgenders - or eunuchs - or two-spirits - have been part of the human experience from the start. Somehow we must be part of God's Plan. And Psalm 139 speaks to that issue.

Ironically this is also a passage that some use to argue that we must remain in our birthed bodies. That God knit us in our mother's womb...and that upon exiting our mother's womb we were born one gender or the other. Or intersex. And that changing that birthed sex is unraveling and re-weaving that which God had already knit. I guess it all comes down to how one looks at one's ordained life. The Psalms, like poetry or song, are designed more to speak to the heart than the head, the meaning to be "felt" not "analyzed". It was a bit of a challenge for my head to accept me in a church...until my heart heard the song of Psalm 139. Then it all made sense. Yes, This is God's Plan for Me. And it is this plan that now motivates the undertaking of Chrysalis Mission.


Brian said...

Donna, I am so glad to hear you say that after nearly 40 years you have begun your true search for God and the things relating to him. Let me encourage you to continue your search and know you are correct in the fact that God knew you before your were born. He knew the person you would be and the plans He would have for you in helping other in this life. You are important to Him. Read some Scripture every day and most of all pray. We may never meet on earth but we will have the longest of friendships in Heaven.
God bless you. Brian.

Donna said...


Thank you for the lovely note. I know I haven't updated the blog in awhile - for a variety of reasons - but my journey has now taken me to ministerial studies.